Hard Day...

I'm not going to sugar coat this - I had a really hard day! I know, I know - yesterday I was all about the celebration and the gift - and I still am - seriously I am - However, there is only one me and I have 11 students in my classroom and another 10 students on our campus who see me as the fountain of water from which they can fill their well of need - and I'll tell you - some days I run out of water before they run out of need! And some days, it is not the water I have to offer which will quench their need - and sometimes, after I have given it all to the children - because I work for them - well, sometimes the adults are just - well, just - well, they are just juvenile! Sometimes the adults lie, and sometimes the adults have their personal agenda's which have nothing to do with the best interest of the children - and today I had to bite my tongue so darn hard it bled. I did though, I bit my tongue, then I tried to vent - then I cried - after that I realized I need to smile and nod - really, I just need to smile and nod. Many parents don't want me to teach their children -just keep them busy and don't call me - Many general education teachers look down their collective noses' (is that a plural possessive?) at special education - Oh, they tell you one thing or another thing, they look you in the eye and they are lying - right there, lying! That amazes me, how you can look me in the eye, lie, know I know your lying, and not even blink - Funny how you can take two years to build something and ten minutes to have it all destroyed! Two minutes can destroy so much, heck - ten seconds can destroy. Words once said cannot be pulled back, actions once taken cannot be stopped - So what did we learn today boys and girls - Yes, that is correct - chant The Serenity  Prayer over and over again. Accept your limits. Accept your imperfections - do the best you can - control what is yours, then let go of the rest - Pray, pray a lot!
Then sometimes you just have to scream! That is OK, screaming is OK! Be sure you are alone. NBA kickoff tonight, world series tomorrow, JETS are winning, holidays are coming! Smile and nod Lisa, smile and nod for there isn't shxx you can do about any of it. Dang, I don't like that -

Life

This morning I left for work at 5:30. I had to be in Hawthorne by 8:00 . Driving to Hawthorne for those of you who don't know LA, is like driving from Malone to Albany. It is only 38 miles, however the 405 freeway is a parking lot: I don't like to be late. Well much to my surprise there was no traffic. I was in Hawthorne by 6:20. now Hawthorne is no place to be at 6:30 in the morning! It was still dark and I had 90 minutes before the conference started. What a drag. After the conference I went back to work. Drag number 2. However, upon leaving work I drove by a horrific car accident. Then it struck me: I am darn lucky! Sure it has been a long day. Now I am waiting at the apple store cause my iPhone is on the fritz. In all of my pain and fatigue I am still luckier than those poor people in that accident. We don't know when our number is punched. We just take each day and run. We are busy but are we getting anywhere? Line from an Indigo Girls song. So I reckon I need to slow down and celebrate more! Enjoy more, even waiting or arriving early, or having a student knock me down. Though life may not always bring us happily ever after it can just be happy. So, we should be grateful and celebrate what we have, and when we start feeling like we are always pushing that boulder uphill...we need to remember the privledge of pushing. That is my thought anyway. But what do I know?

What is it?

Speaking with my colleagues, a theme is evident...this is one tough school year! Being a wonderer(that is not a word but that is what I do) I am a wonderer. I am also a realist. And a pragmatist. The situation needs analyzing. We see the problem. Goodness, we feel it everyday! Just stating the problem is not enough. I avoid the teacher's lounge because problems are so often stated-I want to solutions. Let's roll up our sleeves and find solutions. OK, so what are the possible solutions. Usually I will tell you that structure and consistency are key to a successful classroom. Experience has, at least anecdotally, prove this theory correct. Now we need to move this idea through the campus. How? Training? A lot of training goes unused. That is just the truth. We can't fix what happens outside the school. My goodness children have such heavy backpacks. They shouldn't, but they do. We can't change that. How can we equip them with the tools required to develop resiliency? That is a tough question. As society further deteriorates children arrive at school in greater need. As educative we are standard driven, improve test scores, get the blue ribbon. I think we are missing a link in this chain. We need to build a bridge. A really strong bridge-teachers need to know more and learn more and we need more freedom and more accountability-accountability that has nothing to do with test scores. A child's school success has so darn little to do with a test score. What about the ability to interact with peers? How about the ability to interact with authority figures in a positive manner? I reckon some teachers want to k ow bow to keep a child in their assigned seat. See, as medicine realized treating the disease is good; treating the whole patient is successful! We need a plan- a plan that meets the needs of the whole child. A plan that empowers teachers so they are not afraid to put down a standard and talk to a child! Relationships-we need relationships built..child to adult, child to child, teacher to careprovider, teacher to teacher. A village needs building. We need hammers and nails and 2*4's! We need to roll up our sleeves and do the work. Stop whining about what we don't have and let us get to it! Dang, we must get started, NOW!

Who Are They Kidding?

The recession is over! Yeah, can we tell the three teachers who found out yesterday they were losing their jobs? What about the 462,000 new applications for unemployment, do they know the recession is over? Would someone tell me the recession is over - or tell the credit card companies my recession is ongoing - maybe then they will stop calling me! The failure to see the big picture here is scary - we cram 32 children into a classroom, ask a teacher to meet the needs of each child, then we ream the teachers because the test scores are falling, we ream the students for acting out...the big picture? That student we lose in the 5th grade, due to overcrowding and lack of resources - that student may live till he/she is 100 - and the rest of their lives they will be affected by the issues created in 5th grade - it is true! Think about your own life. Think about how your teachers and your schooloing affected you - positively or negatively - I went to Catholic Elementary School - I bear those scars to this day! My phobisa of snakes comes from second grade. Being locked in an art closet - I remember that vividly - and in 1st grade standing in the corner because I had wet my pants - well that I remember. I remember when my favorite 7th grade teacher asked me to stay after class - then without ever looking at me she asked: "Your grades are dropping is everything OK?" With the greatest weight about to be lifted off my chest I replied; "Yes." "Well" she answered, "Get it together or you are going to fail." Never once looking at me. So the emotional, physical and sexual abuse I was enduring continued. Back then life was don't ask don't tell - Here was my chance because an adult asked - but she did not want me to tell! Did that affect me? Hell yes! When my abuse might have ended in 7th grade - it didn't! So I endured more. Too often teachers are perceived as those who can't do anything else, long summer vacations, short work days - Sure, I continue to offer my job to anyone who wants to give it a shot. Yesterday two students came to my room, in the morning before school - they talked about the guns they had in their houses and debated who had shot the neighbors rabbit. One young man slept until lunch time - I mean he slept out cold, could not wake him up - he was really sick, but parents send their sick children to school because they don't have anyplace else to send them. Guess who is really sick today - ME! Oh yeah, the recession is over. Tomorrow is norm day! In our world this means they count all the students enrolled in our school - then depending on the numbers they cut even more teachers. 3 cut yesterday - tomorrow? Who knows? What is cut will not be returned. They won't increase our pay once we have accepted them cutting it. You must accept a pay cut to save the jobs of your peers - so we did, then they cut those jobs anyway! Fooled us didn't they? The purpose is clear, however what I don't think peop;e are seeing are the faces of all these children. All these children who come to school to learn, to find love, to develop into who they are going to be - What is not seen is the bond between teacher and child - the impact teachers have on children and the impact these cuts, this loss of humanity, will have on these children. God help us, the price we pay is far greater than the pennies they save.

I Should Like...

I should like for people to be kind. Rutgers University is conducting a two years Masters program on civility. There are books on civility. Do we really need books to teach us what our parents told us hundreds of times-"Say Thank-You." "What's the magic word?" "Tell your sister your sorry." "When a grown up walks in the room you stand up, look a person in the eye when you speak with them." I could go on and on with all the civility my parents taught me-OK, some of those lessons came on the backhand-point is the lesson was learned! Now we have a Masters program in civility. That amazes me...Oh wait, I am a teacher- my world is filled with a lack of civility: you may or may not be amazed but children are not great with manners. Say your sorry, "uh no!" "What's the magic word?" "Huh?" many mornings on my drive to work a car behind me will honk because I stop when the light is yellow...Eileen, you can start bagging on my cautious driving now! Then the honking nummy-nut speeds by me, bird and all-when he is in front of me at the next red light I truly laugh out loud as I honk and wave at him/her! Why are we not nicer to one another? Life is a challenge, believe you me I know of life's challenges-that is no excuse for being, kindness costs nothing! Might be the only thing we can still get or give for free. Let us find civility amongst human-kind by being examples of civility. A small pebble ripples to the farthest shore.

The off button?

Don't you wish our brains had an off button? It is way past my bedtime, however I am not able to find sleep. Thoughts flip through my head like contacts through my iPhone list. What do I need to do tomorrow? Geez it is hot! I wonder why I keep throwing up? what is going to happen with my leg? Will the Jets win tomorrow? I wish I had stayed in Malone back in 1992. I can't believe Coleen is no longer with us. If you knew you only had six months to live what would you do? I never climbed Owls Head. Boring games on football today. I wish I could carry your burden and make your road easier. What should I try to eat tomorrow? Trust and respect, once lost are difficult to retrieve. How am I going to make it through a whole school year? If I had not been injured, would things have turned out differently? Christmas is right around the corner-wish I had money to shop. I love Christmas! Mommie loved Christmas. She started shopping in July. Starlighters was a wonderful experience. Going back to Tony's was weird. We don't get do-overs in life: I have got to get it right and right now. Aunt Bertha made the best molasses cookies. That sounds good. Zuko had another seizure today: God pleas don't take him-but don't make him suffer just because I need him. That is hard. Colombus day tomorrow, there will not be much traffic. Most people have the day off. Not us, that stinks! I sure could use a day off. Darn I wish I had a magic wand. Will we be together in heaven? Yes, I have to believe that. I should be asleep. Not a drop of sleeping sand in my eye. What does that come from? Mr. Sandman? Is it just a song? Don't you wish there was an off button? Be heck to pay tomorrow-how many days until Christmas? Calgon take me away. Do you think Joy really helped keep you hands soft? Or was that Palmolive. I ate some Joy in my youth, sure made a lot of bubbles! Ever wake up and wonder how you got here? Ever drive home from work and not remember the trip? It is the journey, not the destination! Can I help anyone? Put your oxygen mask on first before assisting others. Go to sleep, go to sleep, you are getting very sleepy...not! Dang where is that off button?I will be reaching for it when my alarm goes off in the morning-wrong off button; darn!

I Would Like To Know

I would like to know whom I should believe. The political ads airing the past few days really confuse me. Meg Witman is either a saint or the devil. Jerry Brown either wants to raise taxes or he wants to lower them. Barbara Boxer is either too old to do the job or she has worked so hard for so long she deserves another term. I don't know if Cuomo had sex with many people or is still a virgin. Will anyone air a comercial which states the facts? We need that dude from Dragnet; "Just the facts mam!" The political pundits all have opposing facts - they can't all be right and they cant all be wrong - so who should we believe? Will any politician give me a private audience so I can ask them the questions I want answered? Will you approve more cuts to education? Will you crack down on illegal immigration? Will you support unions? Have you cheated on your spouse? Have you lied during an interview? Will you take money from lobbyists? Will you take money from me? Do you have a sense of humor and a sense of honor? The facts which matter are not discussed. Each political ad contradicts the next and the next and the next - how are we suppose to know what to believe? How are we supposed to make an informed vote when we don't have accurate information? Someone please help me figure this out. These mid-term elections are so important. Not just for the next four years - they are important for the future of our children. Our education system, our health care system, our welfare system, our social security system - These elections are important - am I the only one who thinks that?

New England Patriots

Is anyone watching MNF - did anyone watch football yesterday? By the way the JETS won! OK June, so what is up with the Patriots? Every team on Sunday and the Dolphins tonight looked pink - they wore pink chin things, pink gloves, pink shoes, pink shoelaces, pink skull caps, pink towels, pink gloves, pink hats, the coaches wore pink, the water boy wore pink, the referee wore pink - So June, my Patriot loving cousin and friend - what is up with the arrogant Patriots - where is their pink? There are a few players wearing pink. Don't see any on Bellicheck. Of course not! He is the most arrogant creature on the East Coast! Is it that none of the Patriots have been effected by breast cancer? Was the equipment not ready? Yes, some players have on a pink - what does Brady have on? Oh, there it is - his towel is pink. You know what I think...these guys are insecure in their masculinity so they are afraid to wear pink. That is the problem with the Patriots. Like the anonymous source is not someone from the Patriots. Who cares if Rex Ryan and Harbaugh went to watch Jets West? Do they think 30 minutes of observation made all the difference in the first four weeks of the season - or are the Patriots already building their excuse for why they are not going to make the playoffs this year? Bellicheck even has on a "big boy" shirt but no pink. What is his problem. OK, they are going to win the game, and they will tie the JETS for first place ( though we currently hold the tie breaker) I don't like the Dolphins, like the Patriots even less. Have you seen that commercial with the dude in his Eagles gear - in every picture there is a different chick - he, however is always wearing something EAGLES! This is true of sports isn't it. Like the line from that movie - Have you ever loved someone or something your whole life? This is sports. My Mets stink, they have been bad most of my life - but I can tell you where I was in 1986 when Buckner botched a routine ground ball and Ray Knight scored - I can tell you where I was the next night when we romped over Boston - a game so one sided no one remembers...Oh and they teased me in 2000 - were it not for cocaine we could have been the dynasty the Braves ended up being. I actually hope the Braves win the World Series - which is blasphemy from a Mets fan - However, Bobby Cox and Chipper Jones - as much as they beat up the Mets - they are class acts. It would be nice for good people to leave their careers on such a note. I know it is a long shot, but how about a Braves - Yankees World Series and the Braves win! That would be serendipity! Being a sports fan is a constant up and down, spring brings the baseball fan hope - fall brings the football fan hope - the long days of winter can be filled with basketball or hockey - shoot baseball is heading to Thanksgiving. You know it is coming, you may even know your team doesn't stand a chance - you still believe, you still hope - and for the few days your team is in first place - even though you know they won't stay there - Ah, those are sweet days of bragging and chest pumping. When it all falls apart you begin the chant of "wait until next year." Then when next year is a repeat - you start the "What if's?" No matter what you always believe - you anticipate the beginning - you mourn the end - you laugh and cry during the middle - Being a sports fan is a constant. Perhaps the only marriage that does lasts forever, because the only love which lasts forever is unrequited love - and as a sports fan that is what we are...we are in love with an entity which does not know we exist - ha, that is funny. How beautifully ironic! So June, can you explain why the Patriots were not supporting the cause?

Funny thing this life

So you work hard. You build relationships. You spend your days doing the best you can. Then one day you wake up and wonder; "When did the road take this turn?" teachers were once the most trusted professionals. If you listen to the news these days, teachers are a lousy lot. Some teachers are lousy. Some teachers are fantastic. There is no clear definition for what a "good" teacher is. It seems illogical for anyone without teaching experience to be the evaluator of the entire profession. Of late it feels I am at the short end of every stick. The beliefs I held regarding my personal and professional life, well it is a mess. Follow my bliss. This is the comment I receive from the person who stole my road map. A parent who has never met me shows up and proceeds to threaten me if I don't acquiece to her child's every whim. Lawyers who I believed were representing me, well they are not. It appears they only want their money. The company hired by the district to look after their injured workers...well let's just say incompentent would be a compliment. It's OK though, I recognize this time of transition. Mommie always said the more you cry the less you pee. OK, I agree that is yet another of her rather odd sayings-just comes in handy when you can't find any other words. In fact I will emerge from this place and find out what the next phase of my life is supposed to be. We walk on. This is what we know to do. Though our hearts are heavy. Though we feel cheated and duped... We walk on! For myself and for my Mommie and for my Little Gram. Nothing and no one holds all the answers. Sometimes you just keep moving forward and you pray-and you cry more than you pee-whatever that means:)!Avoid the hypocrisy and the ignorance-celebrate life!