There Ought To Be Laws...

Law #! -  If I am driving behind you, and I cannot see you sitting in the driver's seat, you are driving a vehicle that is way too big for you. If you cannot be seen when you are sitting in the driver's seat you cannot buy that vehicle.
Law #2 - All mini-vans made before 2008 are banned from the fast lane. Before 2008 mini-vans were made with the idea of transporting large families. They were square and slow. Now, mini-vans are sleek and cool - However, those vans manufactured before 2008 - well they are not allowed to drive in any lane except the slow lane. If they are on a two way street they must pull over and yield the right of way -
Law #3 - If your vehicle has more duct tape on it than paint - stop driving it - take it immediately to the junk yard, collect your $50 bucks and get on with another life.
Law #4 - Car pools lanes are only for cars made in the United States! How about that? We need to stimulate our economy and support our manufacturing industries - car pool lane for cars made in the United States.
Law #5 - Teachers should not have to sit through more than 1 hour of professional development per day. We are not good students. We don't know how to sit. We stand and talk - Not opposed to learning, just want it in really small doses.
Law #6 - Parents that slap their children in public, should be slapped in public. Parents that scream; "Be Quiet!" should be placed in a room with loud noise for 20 minutes and parents that ask; "Do you want me to hit you?" Well, their kids should just answer "Duh, No!"
Law #7 - If three of your peers, people who know and like you, if three of these people say you have no common sense then you cannot buy clothing or date anyone without their go ahead. Without common sense you are in real trouble - find someone with common sense and cling to this person - cling tightly.
Law# 8 - Women should hold all high ranking military positions - let the enemy worry about PMS. Let the enemy wonder if it is "that time of the month" before he/she tries to take US citizens hostage. Let the enemy wonder if that 50 year old female President has her finger on the button of the bomb when a hot flash hits. That will stop them in their tracks. Let's have peace negations with a female who is experiencing menopause while her daughter is about to start her period - Yeah, we'll negotiate peace - you do what I say and no one gets hurt, there's your peace.
I'm just saying, these might be some good ideas to think about - that's all.

Rollercoaster

Love is not "like" a roller coaster - being in love is a roller coaster - You see, even to get into an amusement park is expensive, however, when you are falling in love you will drop twenties like jelly beans on Easter. You only need to look at the person you love - that is all it takes - just one look - then you find the biggest, baddest coaster you can. The line is long, and it is hot; but that is cool! As you move back and forth through that line your anticipation is building. It feels so good to feel this excited! This is what we dream of. This is what movies are made of. This thing, being in love, this is what we seek; our souls and our hearts - this is what we seek. This is LMN and a Danielle Steele novel all rolled together in perfect harmony. In line for the roller coaster, you only need look in your lover's eyes and butterflies take flight in your stomach. The brightness of her smile will illuminate the darkest of times; you are sure of this - you know it. This time you are doing it right! You have learned from your past mistakes. You are ready. Along the ropes, following the path you move closer to the roller coaster. Every moment is anticipation. Every moment is happening too fast and too slow - it is a simultaneous calm and fear. Finally, you get to the coaster platform - and there it is - that big bad roller coaster - being in love for the long haul. Once you get in the car, the harness will come down, and there you are with the one you love, and it just feels so darn good. You wonder how you got so lucky. How did you get such a blessing. Just before you get in that car you offer thanks to the heavens for once again sending you what you needed when you needed it most; You leap into that car, the harness comes down over your shoulders - you look to your left and there is your love, your life - your future; all that has come before has been only a prelude to this moment. This is it! The real thing! There are not enough prayers of thanks, there are not enough words of expression - you look again at the light in her eyes, the joy in her smile - the ride begins...click, click, click, click, click, click - slowly you ascend and with each click you fall deeper. With each click you are more sure. Your palms are sweating, your heart is pounding, and finally you have it all right here - click, click, click, click, click, your heart syncs with the car as it ascends that first climb - and for a few seconds; there at the top - the whole world is spread before you and you have no control - you have surrendered everything to your heart and to your love and you want nothing else than this moment, this time - you look again to your left, at the woman you are in love with - "Darn, how did I get so lucky? Thank you God." SWOOSH! That first fall takes your breath away, your heart is somewhere in your throat, you are screaming like a kid, your hands so sweaty they slip off the handles of the harness - you are free! WOW! It feels amazing - freedom in another's arms; freedom in another's heart, freedom in another's breath. The coaster whirls, turns, and tips you upside down.  You love all of it, every second is life and love. Each turn is a milestone in your relationship.  Each upside-down, stomach wrenching, eyes watering, twist brings you closer together. Yes, this is it! Wait, what is happening - No, no, no, why are we stopping? Wait, I'm not ready. No, don't slow down! Let's keep riding. Let's get back in line. The car comes to a stop. The harness releases. You look to your left. You look to find the eyes that melt your heart and the smile that lit your life - there is no one there. Now your head is spinning. You are going to throw up. Your eyes won't focus. The pimple faced line attendant is telling you to get out. "No, I don't want to get out. Where did she go? Just let us go around again. Please!" That sweat soaked teenager is looking at you like you have lost your mind. The coaster scrambled your brain - he signals to the girl in the engine room. He shrugs his shoulders. Not being one to make a scene you debort. Down the stairs. Then it hits you - this massive rush of humanity. You are going to throw up. You feel disoriented. What was once anticipation is now pain. What once was hope is now tears. You are alone. You need to sit down. Not on a bench - no, you don't want to have eye contact with anyone - on the ground. You find a spot on the ground. In a corner you sit and you keep your eyes down. Never let them see you cry. Shaking your head you wonder what happened. When did you start to ride that coaster alone. You started out with your lover and you ended up alone. How did that happen? The butterflies have turned to stones. The light from her smile is gone - she is gone - What the hell happened? OK, you have to get out of that park. You have to get away from that coaster. The line continues. It is long. New love, young love - God it hurts to see their happiness. On the way out you will find a lot of pennies - your eyes will never leave the ground. You don't want to look into anyone's eyes - you will never see that light again. You don't want to look into anyone's face - you will never see that beauty again. No one will hold your heart again. Experience is the best teacher. Time heals all wounds. Some are able to get back on that roller coaster. Not me. Found I don't have the stomach for it. Don't want to hurt this bad again. Don't want to cry this much again. Enough for me! Enough! What of the truth? Reckon it doesn't matter - must not for it is not being spoken. Broken hearts really do physically hurt. Broken promises, lost dreams, shattered faith - Yes, some will open their eyes again - That is good for them. No, not me. Enough! Thought I had it right this time. Thought I had, I was wrong. Damn, how could I have been so wrong? Comes a point when you have poured your whole being into making it work - kicker is - love is not a one way street. Or as Mommie would say; "It takes two to tango." I've been dancing solo - I'll get up and I'll move on - but as some corny line from some corny song - I will never love this way again. And as Gloria Gaynor sang; "I will survive." Right now though, I've got to tell you it hurts a whole lot. This too shall pass. God never gives us more than we can bear. There is a purpose for everything. One window closes another one opens...anyone else have cliche I could borrow?

LLWS

I enjoy sports. Amateur sports are becoming more enjoyable. Individuals playing for their love of the game and not a paycheck, a reality television show, or a spot on Sports Center - they have more appeal. So the LLWS is an event I enjoy watching - except it use to be more. Kids use to be kids; you know they are not so young anymore - was a time watching these games, the kids appeared to have fun. There wasn't pouting, posturing, whining, head hanging - there was emotion, both sadness and joy - perhaps I have just become more cynical, or perhaps our youth are losing the chance to be young. I believe we should keep score at games. All of this pansy, "It doesn't matter who wins" nonsense makes me crazy. When they took dodge ball out of school, well that is just wrong - dodge ball is important! "Why" you ask? Well I'll tell ya - because life is a big game of dodge ball, so you might as well start learning how to play the game when you are young and it is still relatively safe. Oh sure, sometimes a kid gets a ball in the face and a bloody nose - big deal. A few bruises never hurt anyone. And yes, some kids get picked on, and some kids don't get picked at all - Resiliency, this is what our youth are missing - and dodge ball teaches you resiliency - keeping score at a soccer game is important. Do they really believe they kids don't know who is winning? Come on! Not keeping score sends the wrong message. "It doesn't matter if you win or lose." Heck ya it matters! It matters in soccer and in life. I don't believe one team should run up the score on another team - but if your better then why should you play down to your opponent. Kick their butt then back off. The whole dumbing down of our educational system is pathetic. Students cannot pass the test so they make the test easier. What good does that do? Make the kids work harder - and if they fail, for goodness sakes hold them back. Why don't we hold kids back anymore? Then they wonder why the HS dropout rate is so high. Well, duh, if I was 16 and could not understand what I was being taught, shoot, I would drop out too. Not all children mature at the same pace, some kids need more time - we owe it to them to give them more time. It is our responsibility to recognize the needs of the children - we are the adults. And that is another thing - Why don't parents teach their children to respect adults? All adults! When we grew up you spoke when spoken to. You said, "Yes Mam and no Sir." There is nothing wrong with that. Nothing wrong with teaching children respect for others. It is not OK to pick on the kid who can't afford designer sneakers, or the kid who is not able to bathe everyday - it is not OK to talk back to the teacher, the cafeteria worker, or the cashier at Wal Mart. Anyway, the kids playing in the LLWS - I have to say it, and I don't want to - but the truth is the truth - The children from the international teams played with more integrity, enthusiasm and respect than the teams from the United States. That stinks! Not because the international teams were well managed, well behaved, and appeared more genuine in their enthusiasm- No, it stinks that the teams from the United States whined, hung their heads, or postured, and bragged - they showed neither grace nor sportsmanship in winning or losing. Of course I know this is not true of every child on every team - The team from Conn. - they were getting walloped, when the center fielder made a great catch - the whole team jumped for joy - it was a great catch, it didn't matter the score was 23 - 0. Today the pitcher from Texas, how he just got on my nerves. His head down, pouting - then when the coach said something the kid blamed the catcher - Dude, the catcher is not throwing the ball and the catcher is not hitting the ball - The coach had to coddle this kid - PLEASE - he should have taken his sullen butt out of the game - better to lose with grace than to lose with, I don't even know the word for it - but it was disgraceful. If I was that boys' parents I would be ashamed. It is true of the professional athletes - Did you know after the Olympics a few years back when Carmelo Anthony acted like a two year old his mother called him out. That's right, his mother. She told him to grow up and act like a man. You know what else, Carmelo's game improved and his team improved - and though he still has moments - he really is a lot more fun to watch. Besides, your making a gazillion dollars to play a game from a gift God gave you - what do you have to kick the dirt about? I am a competitive soul. When I was coaching I really had to check myself - as a coach I had to motivate my team and sometimes I had to check them. One time, during a practice, when they were not attending to the drills - I walked off the field and got on the bus. Puzzled, they stopped, looked around then followed me to the bus - We sat on the bus for a spell. I then asked them if they were ready to get to work - convinced by their response we got back at it. Won four consecutive NPS titles - Many coaches from other teams would not shake my hand - I was a woman and my team kicked their teams butt - One of my Assistants called a coach on the carpet, or turf as it were - How silly is that? Not my fault I had some really talented kids, some superlative assistants, and an understanding of how to teach kids like they were kids - We were not in the pros and it wasn't HS football on Friday Night Lights and I was not vicariously living through my players. Egos, yuck! You have to have self esteem, and thick skin to get through life - egomaniacs, oh they just burn my hide. Go ahead read your own press clippings - I'll take the little engine that could or that ant who got up the hill. My team did not whine. Whining got you time on the pine. Effort, try your best - follow the plan - support each other - everything out of your mouth must be positive or constructive in a positive manner - I coached a middle school basketball team - girls - girls are harder to coach than boys - the first season we did not win a game. Those girls though, they played their hearts out every minute of every game. We were getting our butts kicked game in and game out. The girls, they just kept playing. They followed the plan, the supported each other, they remained positive. It was a long season. You know what happened? The next year we did not lose a game. Same girls, a little older and a little more coordinated - What was the difference? Shoot I don't know. Time together I guess, they practiced over the summer - the light bulb went on - Really I don't know the difference - what I do know is they were the same girls who followed the plan, supported one another, and kept trying. Too bad we don't get a plan book for life. That would be helpful. Which brings us back to dodge ball. Sometimes, in life all we are doing is trying to see the ball and get the heck out of the way; Sometimes the ball hits us right in the nose and it hurts like heck. (seriously doesn't it hurt like heck when you get hit in the nose?) Sometimes we get picked and sometimes we don't - but we move forward or get back in line - we keep going. Life is a game of dodge ball - we need to let children learn how to play dodge ball when they are young so they will have built up their skill level and their level of resiliency for growing up. Life requires us to have a lot of resiliency - Dodge ball is important! Let's start a petition to get dodge ball reinstated in our schools - are ya' with me?

Should Be The Law

OK, I had to renew by license by tomorrow - so off to DMV I headed, bright and early this morning. Now the line was some 20 deep for those who had no appointment. The "have an appointment" line was empty - so I just sallied (what exactly does that mean to sally up to something, who is this sally?) up to the appointment line - the lady said; "Do you have an appointment?" I looked at the clock and said 9:45 - well it was 9:45 - I didn't say I had an appointment, I only stated the time. She asked me what I needed - "Renew my license." I replied. With paper and meat counter number in hand I sat down. Oh No, I sat in the examination area - which by the way - there was not a person there; I was quickly told to move - I did, smiling all the way. My number was called within ten minutes :) The lady at the counter was very nice as she she told me I had to take a test - a test, what the heck for - I have been driving for...well for a long time, no moving violations, no accidents (knock on wood) NO, really, knock on wood! She checked with her supervisor, sure enough I had to take a test. Well, I failed the test - who gets a ticket if a passenger in a car is not wearing a seat belt? I don't know - we always wear our seat belts. You consent to a blood or urine analysis if you a)drive in CA (b) get in an accident (C) are asked to  - I don't consent to a blood or urine analysis period!  At least not without my attorneyy present. Now what about this, If your lights are on bright you must dim them 300 feet before you see another car or 300 feet before another car sees you? UH? What the heck - how do I know when another car sees me; sometimes I don't even know when I see me. These questions were trickier than a Rubik's Cube - Matter of fact I have a better chance at solving a Rubik's Cube than answering those questions. And besides - WHY AM I TAKING A TEST? Guess what? I failed - no big surprise - So I say to the nice man behind the counter - Dude, can't you help me out here - and he does - he gives me three more questions and if I get two of the three correct I pass. Question #1 How many tires does a car have? 4 right, Oh no my friends - a car has 5 tires, that tricky spare (tricky in both DMV testing and bowling) Second question; If you hear a siren you should - speed up, pull to the left, pull to the right - That one I got! The all important third question - because I am not sure about #1 - Is this test stupid or what? OK, that wasn't the question but it should have been. Why am I taking this test? I answered all three questions correctly - Yeah for me, Aunt Dawn is right - it sure isn't like renewing your license in Malone - But all of that is not my point - What should be law is this...it cost me 31 bucks to renew my license (for all the aggravation they should pay us just for walking into a DMV office) Public employees - police, nurses, doctors, DWP, street cleaners, teachers, all public employees should get our license and our car registration for free! PLEASE! Do we not give enough of ourselves, our money, our time, our hearts and souls to serving the public - can we have at least a free driver's license and car registration? This should be a law! Individuals in the military do they have to pay to renew their license - because if they do, I think I might scream out loud!!! Do members of Congress have to pay to renew their license? Do they have to take a pop quiz? What in the world is wrong with the system? You know what else should be law - products of necessity should not be taxed - they do this in Vermont. No taxes on toothpaste, shampoo, food, medicine - We should not be taxed for items we need - Speaking of which....we need to get the price of cereal lower! How do we do that? Five bucks for a box of cereal! Are you kidding me? What happened to the days of living on cereal because that was all you could afford. Shoot in college we lived on Mac N Cheese, peanut butter and jelly - have you seen the price of a jar of jelly? Peanut butter is crazy expensive - and you can't even get Peter Pan in most places, so why bother. If we started a chain of people from one coast to another we could pass Peter Pan Peanut Butter across the country - some people have no idea they have been eating an inferior peanut butter their whole lives. It is a tragedy I'm telling you; just downright sad! The good news is I have a new picture on my driver's license - the other one was taken on a day I was released from the hospital - I weighed 90 pounds, my hair was in a ponytail because it was so dirty (cause they don't let you shower in the hospital) I think Aldona Mae was actually holding me up - I don't look like that any more - not to mention I am a lot older with a lot of life lines, and this beautiful blonde, brown, red, gray - Oh, I don't know what color it is hair. One more thing; I have a volcanic pimple on my face - did not have pimples until I hit menopause - DMV picture - tomorrow birthday pictures - oh yes Lisa, you get a volcanic pimple to mark your 47th birthday - Happy Birthday to me!

Gotta Get Moving

Daddy Pat had a little placard hanging in the bathroom-My get up and go has got up and went; How do I know my youth is all spent? Because my get up and go has got up and went - it went on about my eyes on the nightstand, and teeth in a cup - but I don't remember the rest of it. Ever feel that way? Or the scientifically proven -  a body at rest tends to stay at rest while a body in motion tends to stay in motion - I have been a body at rest and now I can't find the body in motion side of me - I did go out of the house the other day for ice cream. That counts for something. Today I go back to school. 5 more classes to finish. Did you hear about the governor of Virginia, (I think) he is anti-abortion. Being unable to close abortion clinics and circumvent Roe v.Wade he has decided abortion clinics must meet building codes the same as hospitals. Well most abortion clinics are doctor's offices' - doctor's offices' are not required to meet hospital building codes - this is just one person's attempt to take away the rights of women. I am pro-choice. Any woman in that position must go through terrible turmoil - however, we have lost so many of our rights - we have to start taking back our rights. I have been of the idea that I do not mind the government peeking into my business, or being screened ten times at the airports, or tracked by the items I buy at Ralph's. I have nothing to hide - then again, it is none of the government's business. After 9/11, most of us were so outraged and shocked we all wanted to do whatever our part to make our country safe - I wanted a gun and a one one ticket to Iraq. We willingly gave up our rights, and we continue to give up our rights - and we do it because we are told it is in the interest of national security. "Won't you give up this right to help your country?" Who won't say yes to that? OK, there are some extremists out there with stockpiles of guns, who refuse to pay taxes or be governed - I don' agree with them either - there is a middle ground; It burns my hide to have government officials twist and turn words in an effort to push their agenda. From what I remember in government class the government is for the people, by the people - We elect officials hoping they will protect us, wanting them to serve our interests, and protect our rights - This is the ideal, and I recognize we do not live in an ideal world - I am not naive; But seriously, what is wrong with the majority of our elected officials? And what is wrong with us? That book Shock and Awe by Friedman - what an eye opener! He started planning back in the 40's, how the government could use natural disasters, wars, and other catastrophic events as an avenue towards stripping the citizens of this country of our rights. Eight years before Hurricane Katrina a report was written by a group of military engineers. The report clearly stated that the levies would not hold up if a category 3 hurricane hit the Gulf Coast - How telling was Mrs. Bush's statement that the people displaced are better off because they lived in such a rundown area. WHAT? Now they are building up those neighborhoods, and making them high rent condos and tourists traps. The nerve of the elitists who have led privileged lives - makes me sick. What do we do? How do we take back what has been taken from us?  How do we instill in our youth a sense of pride in their country? Why are we not outraged with the way our soldiers and veterans are treated? Mid-Term elections are upcoming. I do hope people will get out and vote. Let our voices be heard. Maybe even write a letter or make a phone call - Let's do our part. If each of us just does our part, take some responsibility, and hold our elected officials accountable, well - I don't know - maybe it is just my idealistic self; I just believe we can make a difference.

How we mark time.

Monday my niece Maggie started college. My niece Jessica started first grade. Tomorrow I start the first of five more classes to finish my Masters. I finished my Masters once already. Took all the classes, completed my thesis-I was on the President's List, a member of Phi Kappa Phi - did everything I was told to do - only problem was I wasn't told about a piece of paper that needed filling out before I started. Two years I spent the time and money only to be told; "Whoops, sorry you can't have the piece of paper." I sure hope this time I don't get a "Whoops sorry." Then I would just throw my hands in the air or perhaps pull out my hair. As children I believe we marked our time by the school year. From September until June we looked toward summer vacation - then we spent the entire vacation counting down the days until school started again. I reckon our parents did the same thing. Parents are jumping for joy because school is starting, teachers - well, we are jumping but probably with a little less joy. Having your first born go off to college that is a milestone - or your baby off to first grade. We mark time by birthdays - I'll be 47 this week! (When does that as you get older you need less sleep thing kick in?) We mark our time through the years of service we give to our jobs - leading up to retirement; then what is left. Aunt Bertha marked her time waiting to die. What a waste! I suppose people mark their time by deadlines for work, family commitment's, or maybe some people don't mark their time at all. Seldom do I put up a calendar. Those days will come whether I have them posted on the wall - other people cross off each day as it finishes - another one down. I don't make my bed because I figure I am going to get back in it, why take the time to make it. Of course it helps that I sleep in one position, when I sleep, I don't toss and turn - the bed hardly looks slept in. I will admit to some time glancing, wondering when I can retire - or move out of the classroom into an easier paper pushing desk job. This year is my 27th year of teaching special education. That time is well marked. I have the scars, both physical and emotional. Teaching is a young person's game. Only young people don't want to be teachers. It is hard work. Many scoff at the notion of teaching being hard work. They should spend a few days teaching. Anyone want to come to teach my class for a week? When school starts time marking becomes vacations - Thanksgiving is the first big one, then three weeks later is Christmas. I do love Christmas. People seem nicer around Christmas. After Christmas we countdown to spring break. Then we countdown to the CST. California Standardized Tests. Actually, from the first days of school we start that countdown. Test scores have become the barometer for which a school and a teacher are judged. Better get your test scores up or else. Shoot I teach children who could not bubble in their own name, test scores are not high on my priority list. I teach the curriculum as they give it to me. I present the material a dozen different ways - some sticks, some doesn't - but it is not because the student's are not trying - I had to stop writing because Zuko Manuko The Flying Chaweewee had a seizure; he has seizures so we know his life span is shorter than it should be - another marking of time. Sonny Kitty passed away a few weeks back; our pets become such a part of us - I've got to go - tears are making it hard to type. Just don't mark your time waiting for your time to end -

Bowling?

Did you know that Franklin Academy had a bowling team? I didn't. I was surprised to hear the news - My sister Margaret (who doesn't know she is my sister, but I have decided she is, so there) she earned a letter in bowling! I think that is great. My nephew, Devon (probably spelled wrong - he doesn't know he is my nephew) he bowled a perfect game. He has an amazing ring to prove it - a 300 game is really something. I have never done anything "perfect." Here he is at 16 already with a perfect game. That is also an accomplishment. The question does arise - is bowling a sport? My definition of a sport involves keeping score (check) using equipment (check) and getting paid for it (check) OK, so bowling is a sport. We use to bowl a lot - On the Wii game I can bowl 250 sitting on the couch, that is not a sport - it is fun, especially when you are laid up and can't play any of your typical sports. I gave Margaret a hard time about earning a letter in bowling - I was really shocked that FA had a bowling team; I didn't know - I went to school, played volleyball, softball, basketball, and soccer - I could have also played bowling - see that is the tricky part; you play a sport, but you don't really play bowling - you "go" bowling - No body says; "Hey you want to play bowling?" However, you do ask; "Hey do you want to go play golf?" You see the difference? I feel bad for giving Margaret a hard time - she played a sport and earned a letter, that is an accomplishment and I should not have kept on the way I did - it just seemed too funny to me...and everyone was laughing - so I kept going, too far! Bowling, it is a sport! If I say it enough times it will seem real. FA does not have a bowling team anymore -- that stinks! I made it through high school just because of sports. It was the only reason I went to school and the only reason I kept my grades at a passing level. I made good friends and I learned about a lot of things. Most of the time I was a bench warmer, I did not like being a bench warmer, but I was a great practice player. That is what the coaches liked about me - I pushed the starters to be better. What I enjoyed about playing any sport was putting on the uniform. I loved putting on my uniform (I wonder if the bowling team had uniforms?) warming up, walking out on the court or the field - away games to Ogdensburg(spelled wrong) we left school early - that was cool. One time two of our starters were in foul trouble and I played the entire game - When the game was over we would sit on the floor in a circle and Coach Baldwin would talk about the game - I fell asleep - I was so tired I actually fell asleep - Made the paper after that game - Coach Said; "FA's defense picked up when Lisa Stewart broke up several fast breaks and had several key steals." I still have that clipping. I still have a T'shirt that says FA Girls Basketball - it is thinner than a piece of paper, but I have it - we acquired it, well shall we say in probably not the best way. Losing is tough. It does teach you a lot, but it sucks! Winning was always the best! Though you learn more from losing. Who wants to learn more from losing - I'll stay a winner with less knowledge - We had a great time last night, and I do feel terrible for giving Margaret a hard time - it was just so darned funny! I respect anyone who has earned a letter, and for sure bowling a perfect game is one thing to be proud of. The question remains - is bowling a sport? It is a game, is it a sport? What do you think?

Time To Get Home

Time To Go!

Well, one more day then I am back home.  It is good to go home. I have spent the past four weeks feeding ducks and trying to teach them to be kind. I never knew ducks could be so mean to one another. They just fight and fight. I'll miss feeding them - when I go out with the food they follow me and talk, and talk, and talk - do they think I will move faster the more they chatter at me. Never did get the chipmunk to eat peanuts. Oh, he sneaks in the garage and steals them then sits on the fence and mocks me - another thing I did not know - chipmunks like to mock people. There are so many birds. Turkey buzzards fly so gracefully but they are some ugly critters. The blue jays and woodpeckers will knock on the window if you don't have food out there for them - silly birds. Last night I saw the biggest skunk! Holy Moly he was a biggun'! Thankfully he just meandered in the other direction. Of course there was the loss of the gopher and the raccoon, and one duck, and one chipmunk - I reckon I was not a good Shepard - of course wild animals are wild - they live at survival mode - sad, how many people are living at survival mode. When I watch the news, and see the tragedies happening in the world - it reminds me how very fortunate I am. Might have to scratch out month to month, we manage. Wouldn't it be nice if we could make the world different? Often I examine my actions seeking to make a situation better - not that I have any great answers - just figure if I live a good life, show kindness to others, offer forgiveness, and keep a positive outlook - doesn't cost anything to be nice; OK, sometimes it is a struggle, but in the end it is easier to be kind than to be mean. There is a bumper sticker I often see on my way to work - Mean People Stink! That is true. (skunks stink too, literally they stink) School will be starting soon. Parents are all celebrating - teachers are groaning. I am lucky because I love teaching - the job has gotten more difficult. Children have such need. They arrive at school looking for answers to questions we cannot answer. How often there are no answers - we do the best we can. (That snuggy commercial is on, almost as annoying as the political ads) Eileen will be glad to have her home back. Once you are accustomed to living alone, you get use to your routine - Thanks Eileen for everything - 47 years we have been friends, WOW next week I am turning 47 years old. How did that happen? It is OK. I am alright with turning 47 - glad to wake up on this side of the dirt. I am also blessed - Thanks Liz for understanding the time I have spent away this summer; your love and support make everything possible. Tonight they are throwing a surprise birthday/bon voyage party for me - should I work on my surprise face? Next week we are having a birthday party for me - two parties - YEAH for me! Nature is something I need to get to more; in LA we don't have a lot of nature just milling about - speaking of which - the other night a gang of coyotes must have caught something - they were laughing so loud it woke me up from sleep. It wasn't howling, they howl almost every night; No, this was laughter - that is why I think they must have killed something - they shouldn't laugh though, that is just rude. Where did summer go? Up here in Malone it was really cold last night, really cold this morning - What is the temperature in LA? In Texas they have had 24 consecutive days of temperatures over 100, that is too much! California will get the rains in January and February - I like the rain, once in a while. It rains a lot in Seattle. Seattle has the highest suicide rate of any state in the union - do you think there is a correlation? Football is starting soon. Favre is coming back. I like Favre, maybe I will take him as my fantasy football QB? No, I want to win FF this year. I don't win very often - one year I won. I know Favre waffles and that bothers people - Why? Sometimes it takes ten minutes to decide what kind of cereal to buy. Seriously, I can stand in the cereal isle, talking to myself (which brings mothers to usher their children away from the cereal isle) debating if I want the healthy cereal or the Apple Jacks. I don't like milk though so mostly I leave the cereal isle without cereal - I do like Golden Grahams, they don't need milk. When you look back on your life can you remember a moment when you made a decision, and that decision has shaped all the moments since? We don't know do we? There are moments when we make a choice with no concept of the importance that choice is. We do the best we can. That is all we can do - optimistic people live longer - my glass is not half full, it truly runneth over! Moving on, moving forward - we keep working towards finding the right groove for our life. We'll get there! We have to just keep moving forward, keep doing the best we can, keep love in our hearts - we need to Celebrate Life!Even in our deepest sadness and despair, we need to hold on to the precious moments - we are never alone - Yes, Celebrate Life!

In My Craw...

Political ads - they really bug me! Especially when a politician parades his children across the television screen - your kids are not running for office; keep their faces off the television. Talk about exploitation - but no, all the guy or gal is doing is showing they are "good family people." Ah, NO! A good family person would not exploit their children in an attempt to win an election. Oh, and isn't it just the worst right now? You can't watch television for five minutes without seeing a television ad! What a pain in the backside. It is not like they are saying anything they mean. Why don't they just tell the truth - "Yes my name is Lisa and I would like to be your representative in Washington (political ad on TV right now - guy has his mother peddling his story, his mother for goodness sakes - whose Mom is going to say something bad? OK, maybe once in a while our Moms told the truth about us, but not on television) Where was I? "My name is Lisa and I would like to represent you in Washington. I want to live in Washington because it is a cool city. You will pay for a neat apartment in which I can entertain all of my family and frineds. You will pay for my vacations. I will accept money from lobbyists - you don't expect me to live on the $350,000 which my colleagues voted as our pay raise last session? I need the lobbyist's money - it keeps me in touch with the issues. I will show up to vote, when I can - I will be busy.  There is so much to see in Washington. Of course once you elect me I will start my campaign for re-election, that will keep me busy - I will read some bills and my staff will write up some stuff to put my name on so you can see it in the local paper (I want you to believe I am working hard for our district)" This is what politicians should say - of course not all politicians are the same - some actually go to Washington because they want change, they believe in public service, they believe in our democratic process - There are still idealist amongst us, I'm afraid they probably end up beaten down by the system - Where is Jimmy Stewart when you need him (Mr. Smith goes to Washington - what a great movie) These political ads are so negative, why bother? I would not expect my opponent to say anything good about me; didn't their mother's teach them - if you don't have anything nice to say, shut your pie hole! We have to educate ourselves - watch C-Span once in a while, read a newspaper, of course all the news is on the internet. BBC has the best coverage of our news (in my opinion anyway) The Brits, they don't mix words. Some politicians look great on television, some can give a great speech (probably written by someone else) but they present it well! Washington is a tough city, hard to make it there - fresh ideas they get very little play. Are they any individuals who want to actually change the system? Let me know if you find them because that is who I will vote for. We need change! First thing Congress should do is enact a law banning political ads which say anything negative about an opponent, then ban children in ads, and mothers - if an individual wants to run for office, go right ahead! Run all you want, just leave your family out of it - look at Chelsea Clinton - she was used by her parents (and I am a Clinton fan, but they used that poor girl) she endured the whole BJ thing, stumped for her mother (though her facial expression was similiar to someone getting a root canal) She really kept to herself - she did not make headlines with drug problems, or alcohol problems, or flunking out of school - not even headlines for making the Dean's List - she stayed away from the spotlight, could we give her respect enough to have her wedding day be hers'? NOOOOOO! Media maniacs wanted every little moment exposed. That Sucks!!!! And finally, let us all realize right here and right now, a truisim my Mommie and Chickie always said; "If it seems to good to be true, it is too good to be true!" Politicians are people, and we are people and I know if someone checked my closet (they wouldn't find me, I crack myself up) but they would find the bushels of mistakes I have made! Now, turning 47 next week, I would not make headlines for having an affair, I would not be arrested for drinking and driving, I would not have porn on my computer - but people do these things, in our imperfect selves we make bad choices - we should know better - especially if they have chosen to be in politics; however, I think we know by now those with the light shining brightest on them, and having grown up, or been given a sense of entitlement - well they screw up! John Edwards appeared so good - Ahhhh, too good to be true - but come on, Clinton? You know that man believed he was a stud-muffin. On that point, you know, being president of the US is a tough job, let him have a BJ if he wants - if having a little something something on the side clears his head and relaxes him - let him have all he wants - Shoot, look at Tiger Woods without his something something on the side he can't play golf much better than me - The President should be calm, if a little side show helps him keep his wits about him while all others are losing theirs - let him have what he needs. He does have the power to pretty much wipe out civilization - le'ts not let him get all stressed out from sex withdrawal. Oh well, no one really wants to hear the truth - No, I don't believe that - we want the truth - "We can handle the truth" (I said that with my Jack Nicholson face) The truth would be refreshing - Our political system will not change over night, however - if each of us takes just a bit more interest - well, perhaps, maybe - if the stars all align - Ah, who am I kidding - No, I won't give in that easily! Can we at least start with the elimination of these darned commercials - one dude has spent $16 million dollars - if he had given that money to LAUSD we could have a full school year and even some paper for the students to write on, and food service staff and shoot maybe even a nurse - instead, we have annoying commercials - (another one is on) Reform, a word often used in those commercials - sadly, it remains a word!

I need to win the lottery

I really need to win the lottery - I found this great house, I want to buy it - it only costs 325,000 - four bedrooms, 3 baths - The view is something right out of an Ansel Adams photo. 43 acres, you could walk all day and never leave your own property - city life is nice, we live on top of each other - I want some room to move about, just meander in my pajamas knowing no one can see me - of course I wear sweats/shorts and a t'shirt for pajamas so I pretty much can meander in them anyway, but that is not the point...what was the point - Oh yeah, money, some people have too much money and I need some more money - just enough to buy this house, a boat, a jeep, a condo in LA - somewhere downtown - downtown LA has really come up. Should have bought there 20 years ago when no one wanted to live there; that darned hindsight - doesn't just bite you in the xxx every time? I don't want gobs of money, just enough to pay off bills and take care of my family - breathe a little easier. Of course that really doesn't matter a whole lot, it would just be easier. Yesterday, I watched a butterfly - Karma, who is a boy butterfly - but that is hard to discern. Anyway, you may have read about the flat tire while 4 wheeling, which left us meandering in a field, where we found a cocoon, which overnight became a butterfly - I spent, oh I don't know, two hours watching that butterfly - watched his wings dry; watched him take his first flight, watched him meander about the yard, at one point before he could really fly, he was on the ground so I put chairs all around him, then I sat there for, well, not all day but several hours, photographing him - I have a lot of butterfly pictures should anyone wonder why they have a butterfly picture for a Christmas present. (Hey, some of them are pretty, and what a great story) As karma's wings dried he took off...how sad I felt - what joy I felt - and Karma, he flit about the yard all day. Every time I was outside he would fly around. (you could be skeptical like Eileen and say it was a different butterfly, but a mother knows her son - it was Karma) I reckon watching a butterfly take flight and head out for his 6 weeks of life is worth more than money, but I sure would like that house - We could be happy there - room to breathe, sit in the jacuzzi and watch the sunset over the canyon - sweet! Shari is right though - Eileen and I walked the milkweed fields looking for more cocoons, could not find a one - you can't find Karma, Karma will find you! Now, if the winning numbers for tonight's lottery could find me, that would be sweet! Oh, that Magic Jack thing, not bad - quality is a little less than regular phone but for 20 bucks, unlimited local and long distance - good deal really. Hey, if you see a butterfly today ask him if he is name is Karma?

The Book of Eli

If you haven't seen the movie - you might not want to read on. (pausing for you to decide) ((pause over)) I knew throughout the movie that Denzel Washington - who may I say is one fine looking man! It is something about his carriage, the way he walks, so confident without arrogance - Mrs. Cotson, one of my former teaching assistants goes to church with Denzel, she won't tell me where her church is because she thinks I will show up there and embarrass her by gushing all over Mr. Washington - I wouldn't do that; I just want to stand close to him - I bet he smells good. Anyway, Eli, Denzel Washington's character, is blind, however, they don't let you know this - if you pay close attention you may pick up on some subtle hints, very subtle - Eli has a copy of the bible, God spoke to him, after the "Big Flash" and told him to go West. So Eli has spent 30 years walking! Over those thirty years he has read "The Book" every day. I enjoy a movie which leaves me with more questions than answers - If, after the "Big Flash" God asked me to carry The Bible and walk West until I found where The Bible should end up would I be able to do it? Along the way Eli comes into contact with a character I reckon is the anti-Christ (should that be capitalized?) This character was interesting - he knew if he had The Bible, The Word, then people from all over would come to follow him, he would have all power - he could build a new society and he would have control - See, I contend that The Bible is a history book - it has some truth and some perception of truth - as with all history books there are errors of omission and errors of perception - If I were to take the word at it's literal value then my whole existence is pointless - no matter what I do I am doomed to hell - I don't believe in hell - Do I not believe in it because I don't want to believe I am doomed to end up there? Yesterday I went to church. The pastor spoke of how each of us battles discouragement, how the devil will get at us with discouragement and low self esteem - if he can't get us all with jealousy, or greed, or anger - sooner or later we all have a bout with discouragement - that is true! Any given day we fight discouragement. I have prayed for one thing in particular a good many years and yet it has not come to pass - this is discouraging! The Pastor then said that we need not hold this discouragement because God has made me exactly as he wants me, he has made me just as I am to be, he has made me in his image so I am perfect - perfect is a stretch, a big stretch, I do believe God makes us in his image - he made me, I did not choose to be a lesbian - I was born this way - if I had my druthers I would have chosen different(seriously, who would make a conscious choice to be cast out, damned, different, spat on, marginalized?) - It wasn't my choice, so I am doomed to hell for being this person whom God himself created? No way! I can't believe that! I can't believe I have lived my life trying as best I could to do the best I can - I have accepted every cross God has asked me to bear, I have given forgiveness and begged for forgiveness - Those who know me, you know I have risen above...a lot! I have a long way to go and I work every day trying to be a better person. I search my soul every day seeking a better path. In my decision making, I truly think of others and I do ask myself; "What would Jesus do?" The other interesting line in the movie comes when Eli must choose between giving the Bible to the anti-Christ or allowing someone to die. Eli gives up the Bible. When the woman he saved asks why he gave up the book he replies; "I spent so many years reading the book, and carrying it West, I forgot to live by what the book was teaching me." This really struck me. How often have people who claim to be religious fallen from their self-made pedestals. Fallen hard, yet, the average person - living a good honest life is overlooked. Those ten people who were killed in Afghanistan last week, they refused to denounce Jesus Christ, and they were killed. They would have been killed no matter what they said - but they remained true to their faith - that takes a lot of courage! Could you do it? Often I have said I live the way I do because I don't want to get to the end of my journey and have been wrong - some people don't believe in heaven - I do, and I believe when I get there it will be such a joyous day! No, I don't believe in hell - I believe we have to make peace here on this Earth, and when we do this - when we find that knowledge and acceptance of God then we go to heaven - What of those who never believe? They go to school. They go to school until they get it and then they can come to heaven. Purgatory, that is what they call it - I have a hard time with the notion that the devil pushes us into bad choices - "The devil made me do it." That sounds like a cop-out! If the devil makes people do bad things then we should sentence them to 20 years of church and bible study instead of 20 years in prison - And we both know all the praying in the world has never paid the rent. God provides for us, but we have to get off the couch and do the work. And what of those prayers which are not answered? We are to learn something from them, I know that, yet - it is sometimes really hard when what you are praying for is important - really important - when you are praying for someone else who so deserves a break...During church yesterday I talked to God about this quandary - begged him to change his mind and bring forth just one break - I don't know what he will do - I sat in that church, crying, listening to the music - begging God for this one thing - If God asked me to walk for thirty years, read The Bible everyday, fight thine enemies - I would start walking right now. With a gun in my face I would pray, until my last breath I would pray. The irony in the movie is this; after the big flash most people were left blind - Eli was blind before the big flash so he could read Braille - his Bible was written in Braille; the anti-Christ's kept woman was also blind before the big flash - when he, the bad guy, told her to read the bible, she would not do it - The blind shall see! The two people who were blind saw the most; and the sighted had no vision at all. Reckon we see this every day of our lives. What would you do? Not everyone holds the same religious beliefs, and some don't hold any. Most of us believe in some higher power - most of us hold onto some kind of faith, goodness, given the state of the world today we could use a lot more faith. Faith is sometimes the only thing which gets me through the day - and when I pray and pray and that prayer appears unanswered, I look deeper, because I know there is something there I am not seeing - the sighted have less vision - seek the quiet and listen for the answer; but what if that is not the answer I want - Oh I know then the answer I receive is what I need - I know, but that is a tough one isn't it. My prayer is not for me! What I ask for is not for me - my whole heart wants this for someone I love - maybe if y'all helped me a bit - ask whatever higher power you believe in to listen to Lisa's prayer; and maybe we can collectively make it come true - I do believe in people; I believe we are born good and too often circumstance really throws us a curve ball and it pushes us in directions which are murky and then we make bad choices - the people I encounter with "empty eyes" these people have had their spirit just beaten out of them - by life, by the actions of others - however, we can all rise above circumstance - and we choose our behavior - we can't choose how we feel but we do choose how we behave. I also believe it is just fine to sit down and cry and beg the question "why?" Of course I also believe you get back up, dry your eyes and get on with life. It is a precious gift - everyday, every person, every moment - don't have time to waste it! Celebrate Life! Tell those you love how you feel, do what you need - be kind to every person - being nice is not that hard - Oh sure, inside you might just want to knock some one up side the head, but don't-smile and walk away; it will feel good - really - it will!

Wonderings?

Ever wonder where are dreams go, the ones we don't remember - not dreams like taking a cruise, but the sleeping dreams? Why do nightmares wake us up with fear? Yet, a happy dream wakes us up wishing we could stay asleep. Ever have that happen? You begin to wake up from a really good dream but you don't want to so you try to stay asleep so you can stay in the happy dream. I remember many of my dreams. I have a recurring dream about being in a house. The house has windows everywhere. Mommie, Daddy Pat, Poopy, Rosie and Scotty are in the house-there are bad guys trying to get in and I have to keep them out. I don't know why I have to keep them out, but I do, so I run from window to window - door to door - I do keep them out. Sometimes I dream I am at Little Grams. These are the best dreams. As a child the best weeks of the year were those spent at Little Grams. Little Gram never said "No." Which is not what made her remarkable - You know I never heard her say a bad word about anyone. She loved without condition - all my life she loved without condition. Fail or succeed she supported me - she was such a gift, one of God's angels here on Earth. Hazel, she was Bug A Boo's angel here on Earth. She never spoke ill of anyone. When we got home from school she had a homemade snack ready for us. She loved without condition - that is a rare gift. Seems so much so the world is getting meaner - how can we change that? Baseball! We all need to watch more. I think that is the answer. Baseball is a cerebral. You eat some hot dogs, some peanuts, yell at the television - release anger about things you have no control over - then you feel great because your team won or feel lousy because your lost - But, and this is a good but - your team plays tomorrow! Isn't that great. 161 times a season you get a do-over! Why can't we have some do-overs in life. Like just one time you can really tell your boss what you think, then they forget and you it's a do-over! Or eat all the cheesecake you want without it causing heart damage, weight gain, or a spike in your cholesterol - do over! Come on, you know there are times when you would like to ask your someone; "Did you look in the mirror before you left the house?" Wasn't there a movie about some guy who could only tell the truth. Oh, that wouldn't work, I don't like to hurt anyone's feelings. What's up with the people in the grocery store? Why do they need to get so close to me - "Sweetheart, back your cart up, your not going to get to the cashier any faster by running your cart up my ankles." And why don't people with 100 items let the person with 4 items go ahead of them? Seriously, is that so difficult? I can't understand not letting someone out of a driveway when the light ahead of you is red, or the car that speeds by me just to get to the red light. How silly! People are silly aren't they? I don't understand the fascination with celebrities - why would they be any different than the rest of us-we are all flawed. I don't get wedding dresses, why spend all that money on a dress you are only going to wear once? OK, given the divorce rate you might wear the dress twice, though I don't think you wear the same dress to a second wedding do you? Today is Friday the 13th! Is it really a day when things are going to be bad? Is it bad luck to step on a crack? Will a black cat crossing my path bring me bad luck? I think I will find a ladder and walk under it - Friday the 13th, walk under a ladder, let a black cat cross my path - live on the wild side - Yeah, that's is what I am going to do - or maybe I will just go lie down. Oh, the possibilities are endless. Isn't that grand?!

Demololition Derby, Detours & What?

Monday evening we decided to watch the demolition derby. Having been an avid fair-goer most of my life I had not watched a demolition derby. I never knew there were rules nor did I know it was a year round endeavor which is taken quite seriously. I was fortunate to stand next to a man with much knowledge. He kindly answered my question and provided me with much information. Something about intentionally smashing cars into one another was cathartic. You know when someone cuts you off and you just want to ram into them-that is the derby. I would like to do it. Just drive a car with the purpose of hitting other cars...on purpose! It really looked like a great way to get out our deep seated, repressed anger. Unfortunately, upon leaving the derby life took a detour. Something happened inside my head. At first I felt that someone had struck me in the head. That not being the case, there was no explanation for the black out, dizzy, loss of motor control which ensued. Liviing with lupus all these years has brought me to a "don't panic" zone. However, after being unable to maintain an alert state all day Tuesday-Wednesday I thought it best to go to the ER. Would not have gone to the ER except CVPH was covered by my insurance, so I figured better safe than sorry. Thankfully the cat-scan was normal(and yes I do have a brain) still feeling some fatigue and mental fuzzies-perhaps the derby was just too exciting. Didn't have a visit to the ER on my vacation plans but life gives us what it does-we have to roll with the flow. Watching the news I see that flight attenndtant went off, or should I say "slid off" I went back to thinking about each of us reaching a breaking point-I reckon we each have one. Maybe we all have it in us to just let it go. The news is portraying this guy as a working class hero-that is disconcerting-we should not choose heroes who break the law. It is that simple. Each of us gets fed up, that is for sure. however, there are codes of conduct we have to abide by. As a teacher there are multiple times within a school year when I have to bite my tongue(so much so I believe I only have half a tongue left) it is not in the job description-taking verbal abuse or accepting blame for all which ails a family-then again it is a part of the job. All part of that rolling with the flow. Don't you ever wonder why people say; "There were warning signs." that mother slashing the throats of her children-this is incomprehensible! Can't wrap my head around that. If anyone saw warning signs-why the he k didn't someone do something? Which brings the question-why would God allow the slaying of innocent children or the slaying of Christian aide workers in Afghanistan? God did not allow these tragedies-he gave us free will, which sometimes leads sick people to do sick things. There is no explanation so stop trying to find one. We can only pray for the families of these children and aide workers-should we pray for the mother or the soldiers-the bible probably tells us to. That is a tough one-I would rather go with the "eye for an eye" part of the bible. Not very Christian I know-something more I should work on. A long list-all the aspects of myself in need of improvement. How can we help one another? What more can we do when we see warning signs? Why don't we do something, anything, if there is any inkling a person is on the ledge. It seems we are more inclined to mind our own business. We are all each other's business-we are one mass of humanity and we need to begin a change which brings us closer. I am responsible for you and you for I. Will we ever get there? Shucks I don't know-in my heart I believe in the better of humankind-despite the six o'clock news. If each of us just digs a little deeper into our own humanity, well we can change the world-we can make it better-we can help one another. I know we can do this-we must do this! Let's just help each other, show more kindness, spread love-at least we can give one another respect and for goodness sakes-we can't close our door when we see warning signs!

Don't Know If I Have The Words For This...

Sit back, this might take a minute - - and you may not believe me - and I may not be able to paint the picture...Yesterday, Eileen, Frank and I were going to stop by the fair for some fair food. (That is the best part of the fair - JO's JO's hot sausage and Frenchy's Fried Dough) We decided to meet at Elm St. - Where Patty,  Eileen's sister works, leave one car there and drive one car to the fair - our plan was to get down, get our food and get out before the crowds (Uncle Kracker was playing, don't ask me who he is I don't know but he was going to draw a crowd) Patty likes fried dough so we were also going to see if she wanted one and bring it back for her. Patty was on her way to a raccoon rescue - she does this, she is a certified raccoon rescuer, a raccoon was caught in a leg trap in a shed on Amsden St. For those of you not familiar with Malone, Amsden St. is on the other side of the tracks (literally it is on the other side of the tracks) Upon arriving at the Amsden St. house we find a group of people sitting under an umbrella, which did not stop the rain, drinking some Miller High Life, they were all pretty lit - the place was run down - really run down - the raccoon was caught in a leg trap, and had taken refuge in this shed buried behind 20 years worth of junk. (personally, I was concerned the whole shed was going to fall down) One fellow, maybe having had too much to drink, was crying - he did not like to see animals suffer. The matriarch, she was a tough nail and she did not set traps for animals - these folks truly did not want the animal to suffer, they did want it out of their shed. Patty, bless her, was trying to get the coon into a cage - Frank, bless him was helping her -I was trying to keep the folks away from the shed, Eileen was entertaining and distracting the troops - When it became obvious the coon was badly injured and the only humane thing to do would be to put it down we called the village police - The family had called the police earlier who came down and offered to shoot the coon but at that time the family did not want to do that. I called the village police back, explained the situation - it is fair week and the village police are busy - they could come back but it was going to be a while - a debate began regarding whether to go ahead and shoot the coon, even though discharging a gun in village limits is illegal - the animal was suffering and no one wanted it to suffer - could not get the animal into the cage so it could be removed from the village limits, the phone rings - the village police have called back; they cannot come and shoot the raccoon; Do you want to know what the officer suggested as a humane way to kill an injured animal? Hit it in the head with a shovel! Even when I write that I shake my head - hit it in the head with a shovel - that is humane - Unbelievable - The ruckus was growing greater - Patty just wanted to let that poor coon have a peaceful end to his suffering - She sat on the floor of this falling down shed, which smelled - well, something between liquid manure, urine, and mold - Patty began to pray out loud, and some how that coon got in the kennel - I know that seems made up but it isn't, and I also know not all people believe in prayer or have the same depth of faith - I also know sometimes things happen and without any other explanation we can believe in the higher power - whatever higher power you look to when there is no hope or your pain is so great - Frank said he would take the coon out of town and put it down in a humane manner. Not that all the folks at the house would not do the same - just they were a few sheets to the wind; They were all well meaning, but well meaning and alcohol are not good mixers - While Frank is out in the woods to put down the coon I was saying a prayer for him - it is a hard thing to look an animal in the eye and shoot it - though it is the humane thing, dang that is really hard - I admire him for the strength he has  and his courage - As I stand there saying a prayer for Frank - I said out loud; "His name is Francis." Eileen asked me what I had said. "His name is Francis." I repeated - that was it;  Frank's name is Francis and St. Francis of Assisi is the patron saint of animals - while it is not a calling one might want - it is Frank's calling as Francis, it is where he finds the courage and strength to do what is right and humane. I am not saying God spoke to me, my head just thought something I didn't know it was thinking - As I prayed for Frank I found an insight - I do believe God speaks to us, not that we are always able to hear him or even open to what we mayou feel sad, there was a little girl there, standing in the rain, soaking wet - ignored - the sadness expressed on her face as she sought out a bit of attention from strangers - if you pray - say a prayer for Mary, that little girl for her road is a long one - Yesterday was a day not soon forgotten, I know my words do not even begin to convey what took place - all I know is Patty has a lot of courage and a great big heart, Frank has a lot of courage and a great big heart, I know for those of us who think we grew up poor, we didn't, poor is not having an opportunity to know faith, all those Sundays being brought to church, thank you Daddy Pat - sorry I was such a pain about going - Sometimes, we can remember the power of something greater than us - however you view that - and sometimes; circumstance places you in a situation where you feel both completely helpless and lost - yet completely empowered and found. Is this faith?

No such thing as no regrets...

As Mary Chapin Carpenter sang; there is no such thing as no regrets-I lived in Malone until I went to college and three years when I took care of Mommie. Spent the weekend in Meacaham-I had never been there before. I love to camp and this great camping spot was only 20 minutes away yet I had never been. Funny how distance can sometimes change your perspective. Granted it is way too cold in the winter, and winters are way too long-summer though is beautiful. The fair is in town. I do love the fair. Started working as a popcorn hawker when I was in middle school. My father has been working at the horse barns for thirty plus years. If you walk around the fairground on any given night you are bound to see everybody you know. I like that. Of course fair food is the best! Fried dough, hot sausage, and a bloomin onion-that is the fair. I bought a motorcycle with money I made selling popcorn. Stopped riding when I went to college-I enjoy motorcycle riding. Last year I got a permit, had an idea of getting a little bike just for fun. Haven't done so-still time just need to do it. Like the Nike ad says just do it! Certainly all of us live with the would of. Should of , could of-need to do more and think less. Too much thinking and not enough doing. The West coast called me and that is where my home is-should have done more when I lived in Malone. Oh but the winters are long and hard. Already the leaves are turning and the air has that autumn chill. Brrrrr! I reckon ea h of us has come upon a crossroad, made a choice-then looking back wished we had done differently. Then again such pondering are pointless. At any given time we take the information we have and make the best choice we can. Isn't that what George W. Said about invading Iraq-based on the info they had they believed there were WMD! Ok, that is a bad example-Bush is actually vacationing up here in St. Regis Falls-small world. A lot of famous people vacation in the Adirondacks. We truly do not know which turn our lives will next take. This is why we need to live in the moment. Soak in the right now-sure, time may come when you look back and wonder-musings are OK, you will have regrets-just try to stay present in this moment. Re kon that is all we can do-then when we are called home hopefully, the grand purpose of our existence shall be revealed. Speaking of living in the moment-fried dough is calling! Hey Em, what do you want on yours? Be happy, love freely , chase rainbows, follow your inner voice, and go to the fair for the food! Now that is some wisdom right there:)!

Insomnia

The thing about insomnia is that you don't sleep. Not sleeping is not cool. Should I stay up all night watching movies or engrossed in a great book, well that is fine. Time was (mind you I was much younger then) I would stay up all night just to watch the sunrise. Last night I had such back spasms I could not sleep. Then I started to think...that is a bad idea. Thinking when you should be sleeping I do not recommend there were a fresh box of donut holes in the kitchen, I thought I should not get up and eat them-though they seemed to be calling me. Then I started worrying because I could not find Jacob's pebble from Pebble Beach and he needs it today because he is playing in the six man tournament-I Checked my backpack oh ten times or so...could not find it. Of course I could not find it because it was not in my backpack, it was on the table next to the talking donut holes. My next course of action was music-listened to every song on my "go to sleep" playlist...twice! Television was no help(I think I need that Shamu thing and maybe one of those hanging upside down things) left with no other recourse I went to old faithful(all pun intended) I said Hail Mary's. Thought of people and said a Hail Mary for them. Prayed for soldiers overseas, politicians, aged people living in nursing homes waiting for company which never arrives. I prayed for the children who were not asleep because they were afraid to close their eyes and for the children with no place to sleep. I talked to God about life. He is not much of a conversationalist at 3:00 am. Reckon he was asleep. If you have a particularly great day today it is no doubt the prayer I said for you last night. I think I should take a nap or not. Better to stay awake all day, wear myself out, then tonight I will sleep. The donut holes must go-they talk to much. I found Jacob's pebble. Though I wish I could I can't solve the ills of this world nor protect those who cannot protect themselves-insomnia, it is not for the tired-boy am I tired!

Do Not Let Them Distract Us!

It is mid-term elections, though it happens during any elections - the people who are running for public office, they do this thing - they try to distract us because they don't want us to ask the questions they have no answers for like "What are your plans to fix the economy?" "How will you address the outsourcing of American jobs?" "Do you have a specific plan to address the issues of immigration and unemployment?" "Will you vote for tax breaks to assist middle-class citizens get back on their feet?" These are some of the questions we need to ask those people who are choosing to run for public office - funny thing happens during elections, especially mid-term elections - when the incumbents know they are in tough shape; never mind they are in tough shape because they have not done squat of what they said they would do - and the "Big" thing they want to say they did - health care reform - only hurts people who have health care, hurts the elderly, hurts the self-employed, and hurts small business - Note to politicians - "Yeah, we figured it out. We are not as dumb as you think we are." So, this is what the spin machine is going to do in the next few months, and I don't want any of us to let it distract us from the issues which need our attention - Abortion and Gay Marriage - already, it is on the news - do you really believe California's reversal of Prop 8 happened yesterday by coincidence? (a funny side-note - the Mormon Church contributed an enormous amount of money supporting Prob 8, after the court's reversal yesterday there was a 4.0 earthquake in Utah - it was all the Mormons screaming and jumping up and down at the same time...:) Come on that's funny.) This is what will happen - the media will go on and on about Gay Marriage and Abortion and those trying to get elected will talk and talk about it - and the whole point is to distract us from the issues which we need serious answers to - Why would anyone care if Liz and I get married? I mean the people who love us care because they would be happy for us - but someone else; What difference does it make? We pay our taxes and we go to work and we are a family - Come on Liz smile a little bit - Wouldn't it be nice for Emily if she could give us away? The point is, our being married will not change the economy, reduce the prison population, or reduce unemployment -- Our fore-fathers(how do you spell that?) having come to The Americas in search of religious freedom -- purposefully wrote the separation of church and state!!!! If marriage is a religious institution and those of Mormon faith choose not to recognize same sex marriage, good for them. If the state of California decides that same sex couples deserve the same protections given to heterosexual couples then so be it! Marriage as a religious institution has no place with marriage as a social institution. The rhetoric is going to begin hard and loud - the moral fiber of our country is not going to fray one iota when the Supreme Court rules that all citizens of the United States are protected by the constitution. I am one of those citizens - Abortion will be next - another religious battle will ensue - when is a fetus viable? Does the church as a religious institution have a right to tell a woman she must carry to term a fetus she does not feel she can? Even if the pregnancy was the result of rape or incest? And again, we must separate the church and the state. If the institution of religion declares all abortions a sin, then so be it. I do not belong to all religions - so if I should choose to have an abortion, that is my decision - my body - Oh, the media spin gurus are going to be going full force in an attempt to keep us from looking at the real issues and asking the tough questions - those in office and those running for office will feed that machine with all the quarters they can - The fact is, when the citizens of this country voted for a democratic majority and President Obama, I believe they did so with the idea that Obama was the man who would bring about change and a Democratic majority in the house and senate would give him the power to make change - And the fact is they have failed - will they own up to their failure, uh, no, I doubt it. What they will do is tell you Gay marriage will destroy the fabric of our society - have you checked out the fabric of our country? It is already pretty frayed - Then they will spin the wash cycle on abortion - Slowly, those on the extreme of both sides will be blah blah blah blah - we must not allow this - Let's keep the politicians on point - and let us examine the records of those running for office and the incumbents - check out how often sitting members of Congress have been present for votes over the past four years. We must work together on this - This is important! Really important!

Funny How One Thing Leads to Another...

One of my duties here at Eileen's has been to watch over the "farm." One duckling went missing - one chipmunk found dead in the road - yesterday, I came upon the vegetable eating gopher, eating a cucumber. I startled him, he startled me - poor baby took off a running head first into this flimsy plastic fence; he broke his back - Frank, my hero came over, took the poor baby away so he could be put down. I cried and cried. Felt so darn awful; the tears shed for that poor gopher started a flood of emotions - led me to thinking about that song by the Indigo Girls; "We're better off for all that we let in." Then I began to think about this; are we better off for all that we let in? It is amazing how the human heart despite all evidence to the contrary is ever willing to be filled with the possibility of love lasting forever. Have you ever watched the movie Paradise Road? It is the true story of a group of European women held in a Japanese internment camp and how they overcame their circumstances - how they rose above the worst of the worst and became free even when imprisoned. After watching it most respond with the thought of how sad the movie is - for myself, I feel the moving is not about the sadness of the circumstances, rather it is about the power of the human spirit to overcome and prevail, even in the worst of conditions. Last week my Sonny Kitty died; not being home and hearing the news via text message really hurt me. Broke my heart knowing when I get home he won't be there to sleep on my feet or make bread in my hair or yell at me when he wants to go out on the patio - So the sadness created from that poor gopher brought tears for the loss of my Sonny Kitty, which brought tears about my father; I just don't understand why he doesn't love me - then those tears led to more emotions - I have lost so many people - from the day I was born when my mother died it feels I have been loving and losing and loving again - all of these emotions brought to mind the Indigo Girls song; are we better off for all that we let in? Is loving and losing better than not loving at all? For my life I can honestly say, despite all evidence to the contrary, I have kept my heart open. I have remained free from hate. I have lived with a purpose of having no regrets - let the people I love know I love them - we have no promise of tomorrow and I don't want to lose anyone I love living with a regret that they might not know I love them. It is so difficult sometimes isn't it? The idea of just closing up shop and not allowing yourself to feel love for anyone or anything has some appeal. I wonder if I could do it. See I just don't think it is in me. I possess a poet's heart, and you know poets tend to be overly emotional - being open to love is the crux of my existence; yesterday, I wanted no part of love - I wanted no part of feeling anything. Last night we had a pretty good thunder and lightning storm. Watching the lightning and listening to the thunder, Mother Nature is amazing - a good shower is God's way of cleansing the Earth. I needed that cleansing, needed to wash away the day - see, how God works? Amazing isn't it? Don't believe I could just shut off my heart. Though the idea of it has some appeal, the reality is I am so blessed. My friends and family are the best people and they give me so much. I am so blessed because in spite of the challenges life has brought me I have never walked alone. I am so blessed because though my biological father does not love me, Daddy Pat loved me - and though my biological mother died, Mommie loved me - I am blessed with a Poopy Sister who would do anything for me. I have friends I could call and they would drop everything to be with me. We know when we accept a pet into our home and our hearts, the time is going to come when they pass away. We also know that is going to hurt like heck; we do it anyway...the human spirit, the human heart - is has such capacity and is so resilient. Even knowing loss is probable we continue to seek and soak in all the love we can. In itself, human beings are remarkable - my life is ordinary, except for the people who have loved me and have allowed me the privilege of loving them. Today, I still feel sad for that gopher - I catch spiders and set them free outside, I step over ants, though the gopher was destroying the garden and ate 175 sunflowers...he deserved better than the fate he ended with. Frank, who saved me and gave that gopher a merciful ending also made me a lemon meringue pie - it took him three attempts, but he did it. He kept trying - because he loves me and wanted to give me a lemon meringue pie(my favorite). Last night Mrs. Murphy made chicken and biscuits for me - she makes them better than anyone - see, these are the little moments in life, the smallest of gifts which mean the absolute most. Poopycrying for the poor gopher - I am humbled by the bounty of my blessings, and I know I will continue to love, be open to love, and I know there are tears I will shed for having loved. Are we better off for all that we let in? Yes! Yes, because I have a Bug a Boo, and a Poopy Sister, and Jessica Roses' smile can melt my heart. Jacob is going to play in the 6 man golf tournament this weekend and I can't wait to watch him tee off! It is my belief we are united in heaven with all those we have said good-bye to - I believe Little Gram, Scotty, Mommie and Daddy Pat are watching over me; I believe in angels here on Earth - what would I ever do without Eileen or Poopy Sister? Even my Fuzzy Kitty, Sonny Kitty, Tigger Kitty, Queenie & Fluffy - the list goes on long...too long - which is the pain, However, I am still here on Earth and I have a lot of things to do...I have work left to finish - and none of this living will mean a hill of beans without the love which fills my heart - the love which holds the broken pieces of me together - the love which brings me peace and laughter - and sometimes the love which breaks my heart - funny how one thing leads to another, poor gopher was only looking to get some vegetables and I was just looking at the cucumbers - such little things can lead to such big things - I don't have any of it figured out, I do know I will remember the power of love and I will not let anyone take away from me my willingness to love - my father is losing out, that is his loss - for me, I will continue to let it all in because in doing so I am better off. Would rather love and never have to lose, life doesn't work that way - time will help heal - laughter is wonderful medicine - and the love which still fills me will lift my soul over this bump in the road...don't give up on love. No matter how many times your heart is broken, don't close up shop - as long as we have a breath we have this amazing gift of love and we can know its power and feel its presence and we are better off for loving and losing than for not loving at all -

I'm Back

Sorry I have been away. On Sunday Eileen & I embarked on a road trip to Cooperstown, NY, The Baseball Hall of Fame! Another item on my bucket list.(which may me think I need to add more items to my bucket list lest I finish everything, don't want to chance finishing the list marking the finish of me!) We had one of those Garmin satellite navigator systems. We followed that lovely voice, over hill over Dale (what is a Dale?)across the dusty trail! Cooperstown is in the middle of no where! No joke it is a one street town and we went in the back door. Only signs on the road were those watch out for Amish buggy signs. It was a Long and winding road! We made it and in my excitement and Eileen's support of my excitement we forgot to eat. The Baseball Hall of Fame was standing there in front of me and food was a long way from my mind. Poor Eileen, I don't believe she would visit the HOF if someone offered her a limo and driver. That is a true friend, going someplace you don't want to and being genuinely happy for being there. The HOF was awesome! It is small, but being there, seeing the balls, bats, cleats-WOW! And all the plaques of every player in the hall. The history of the game right there! I took 200 pictures! Yes, that is probably too many huh? It was just so much. A lifelong dream brought to fruition! We need to do things like this! Seems so often we put off filling our dreams because there are obligations; we can't just walk away from our obligations, we can fill in the moments in between with some bucket list items! It is important! Many of us live every day with the idea of living to the fullest. That is the way it should be! Whether you enjoy bike riding, reading, walking, golf, picking weeds-whatever brings you joy-this is how we ought to fill the moments in between the moments we have obligations. The bills will keep coming and the curveballs will keep coming-like sand through an hour glass our time is fleeting. (you thought I was going to say these are the days of our lives, fooled ya!) let us pledge to ourselves and pledge to our loved ones and pledge to God-today I am going to do one thing which makes me just silly with happiness! I am going to do one thing which brings me peace-and I will, tonight before I lay down my head - I will make sure those I love know I love them! I will make sure I give thanks for the gifts I have received-and I most certainly will remember if I wake up tomorrow on the right side of the dirt I won't waste one second of that gift whining or complaining! It is not easy because there are times life just heaps piles of dirt on our heads-we can prevail! We can make this day a celebration of us! In thanks to God we will live this day fully and completely! Who's with me. Post a comment, what is one thing you did today just because it brought you joy-peace-fulfillment! I would like to thank my dear friend Eileen, she participated in completion of a bucket list item with such enthusaism and kindness. I reckon just having a friend like Eileen is a gift I have received every day for 47 years-how amazing is that? I am blessed! Sorry for spelling and grammar errors-hard to write this on my iPhone. Celebrate Life!!