This Stinks....

Not so long ago I would go to an amusement park and stay all day. Every ride would be ridden, I could walk the entire park 12 hours - on my birthday( which is in 26 days by the way, August 27!) My friends and I went to Disneyland! My friends may not have really enjoyed it, they were great sports and faked it; we had this rule - on your birthday you selected what you wanted to do and everyone participated - When my friend Trish turned 30, we went on a 30 drinks in 30 bar tour - I drank a lot of Coke that day - so on my birthday it was off to Disneyland! We would ride all the rides many times, we would walk the park from one end to the other and back again. I would get one of those stickers from the hospitality center; "It's my birthday!" They must train their employees because everyone would wish me a happy birthday! It was grand. Two years ago when we went I had to have a wheel chair. Since my industrial accident I can't walk long distances, short distances are a challenge, but walking Disneyland - no way! The world is not made for people in wheel chairs. Stuff is up high, try putting coins in a soda machine slot from your knees - or using your debit card to check out of a store from your knees - just meandering through Target is an obstacle course - Anyway, it was my birthday and Disneyland was our destination - as hard as it was to accept sitting in a wheelchair, I wasn't giving up my birthday at Disneyland - so I swallowed my pride - it is humbling being pushed around, losing your independence - feeling guilty because someone else is working twice as hard pushing you around 

Again, it is something I had to accept - I have gotten better about it, and when available I use the electric scooter chair - that gives me a little more independence - though stores should consider individuals with disabilities just a little bit more - Lost my point - Oh yeah, yesterday we went to Six Flags - I got a wheel chair, Six Flags is not disability friendly - at Disneyland they have made all the rides wheel chair accessible - some even have elevators - and your entire party can go on the ride at the same time - yesterday, at Six Flags many rides were not accessible unless you could walk 25 stairs or stand in line for an hour - well I can't do that! Disneyland allows the entire party to ride together - at Six Flags, they only allow the person in the wheel chair and one other person to use the handicapped entrance - well that stinks! There were four of us, so two people could stand in line for an hour while one person and myself could get on the ride through the handicapped entrance - That stinks! Six flags has hills everywhere - having someone have to push me up those hills - that stinks! Parking was shameful - miles away - (maybe not miles, but you know those parking lots are huge) there was not a tram or cart - no just walk the walk to the park - shoot I was tired by the time we arrived at the park. It Stinks losing the active life I once had - I am adjusting! There are times I would like to scream, I don't bother - losing independence really stinks - for the most part I get through all of that - having someone push me in a wheel chair around an amusement park really stinks - you know how many rides I could go on? 3! Only two of them were really accessible, the other one had a short line and no steps - it isn't right - I am going to write a letter to someone somewhere - because I needed to use a wheelchair our party could not ride together and that stinks. Because they have not made their park handicapped friendly there were rides I could not go on, that stinks. And because they have not altered their grounds, my poor friends are aching people today, that stinks! Since I was injured at work I have had to make a lot of adjustments; I am pretty good at adapting - been doing it my whole life - I find a way; Now I see the world needs a little adjusting - having spent my whole life working with people with disabilities I have always known there were changes to be made; now as a person with a disability I want to scream at the world - Hello, I am down here on these four wheels, stop looking over my head, stop bumping into me, put the little credit card machine a little lower so maybe I could see the numbers. I reckon my amusement park days are over - that stinks! Perhaps I will become an active member of a one person revolution - pay attention to everyone. I'll get over this, adjust - adapt - never explain, never complain (Terms of Endearment) but it does stink, losing a part of who you are or I guess who I was - I'll reinvent myself - pick the pieces up and find another great birthday activity - this year I am having a big party at the house; I hope someone shows up - no matter - Know what though, I'll miss my Disneyland trip - That Stinks!

Explain it to me Lucy!

Why is the media counting down Chelsea Clinton's wedding? Why does Lindsay Lohan make front page news? Are there not more important events occuring in this country? What is our fascination with car wrecks? There are good people doing amazing things - where is their five minutes of fame? Celebrities and professional athletes want publicity; most of them anyway. Have you ever seen Jody Foster on a rag sheet? No, she keeps herself to herself. Tiger Woods sold us a bill of goods, we bought it - we were duped! Now he does not want to answer questions about his personal life...PLLLLLLLease - Woods made a billion dollars because he was driven to be the best and because we bought what he was selling. Leave his wife and children alone - they did not ask to be in the spotlight. There is something fundamentally wrong with watching someone crash and burn - we watch people's lives fall apart; if we didn't watch the media would still put it out there. Shoot the media can't wait for the next scandal to reveal itself. I like Survivor, Big Brother - I know they are edited for maximum controversy. I also realize the producers stoke the fires of rivalries - Better than either of these shows is The Deadliest Catch; there is no need to edit for drama - every moment on one of those boats is life and death, it is not contrived - I should not enjoy Intervention, but I do (still amazed someone could become addicted to air in a can. How do you think of sniffing a can of air?)At the end of the show I hope they say the person finished rehab and is still sober - that does not seem to happen a lot. Life is a challenge, this I know - how have we become so far from where we were or where we should be? Last election the citizens of this country voted democrats as the majority - only my opinion, but the Dem's talked a lot about change - shaking things up - a new beginning - and the citizens of this country said; "Heck Ya! We need, nay we want change!" What has happened? Nothing! Politics as usual. Can you vote for how much of a raise you receive? If we elect members of congress should we not also elect the amount of their raises? Teachers across the country are taking pay cuts and furlough days - perhaps some of those millionaire congress people need to give back a little of their raise - maybe give teachers a bit of it. The economy is in the tank, crime is up - domestic violence is up, drug and alcohol abuse is on the rise - What was congress discussing yesterday? Passing a bill to create a search team to form a committee which would oversee another committee whose purpose is to evaluate the effect of the housing market on the building industry - WHAT? Not only was the bill convoluted, it is stupid! (I don't like the word stupid, in this case it is the needed word) We all know if people are losing their homes, then people are not buying homes, thus - building new houses is kind of silly. There, we just saved the taxpayers millions of dollars! Good for us. That post going around FB yesterday listing the names of fallen soldiers - that is not news you can catch on any network. News outlets don't tell us about the soldiers we are losing in a country where we are not wanted fighting a war against an enemy we cannot see - does that make any sense? When people fight for religious beliefs, you cannot stop them. Is it any of our business? Could the billion dollars a week we spend in Afghanistan be put to better use? Ah, yes I think so. I believe a revolution is coming. There is a point of boiling during which the middle class, average, law abiding citizens, are going to get fed up - our government need not fear the extremists - fear the middle class. When that last straw falls on the back of the middle class then we will have revolution - I don't know how long it will take. Middle class folk are hard working, law abiding, church going, family oriented people. The middle class are the peanut butter and jelly of our country - when the middle class finally can't swallow anymore they will make a ruckus which will shake our country and bring change. The middle class will tell Congress, ENOUGH! The middle class will tell credit card companies and banks, and all the other multi-million organizations - ENOUGH! Then the revolution will begin - At some point in time, in the not so distant future, the citizens of this country will remember The Constitution and The Bill of Rights and we will start to say; "No more!" They can't throw us all in jail - though we spend more money on prisons than we do on education - I guess they might try to throw all the middle class in jail - that would be funny - perhaps a good reality show - I bet some network would try to get it on the air.

I'm going to win the lottery!

Today I am going to win the lottery!Oh I hear y'all chuckling-that is OK. After I win I will still share with you. Ever think about what you would do if you won millions? When I was younger I said I would still work...ha, not anymore! I would turn in my resignation faster than you can say resignation. Then I would buy an orange jeep, soft top and a nice little RV for traveling about the country watching all those baseball games. Reckon I would have to pay some bills-heck I could pay them all. I could be debt free. Haven't been debt free in a long time. In college all I wanted was to get out into the world have job a car-how crazy was that. Should have stayed in college until I was 40! Note to self be careful what you wish for. Of course I'm not wishing to win the lottery, I am going to win the lottery. See the other day when we went fishin and I actually caught a fish for the first time we didn't have a knife to cut the line when I caught a tree or two, alright I caught three trees, that's not the point-we sat down to rehook(is that what it's called when you catch a tree and lose the hook, line & sinker?) The person who coined that phrase must have had my fishing luck. Matter of fact, I no longer said "I'm going fishing." No, I would say; "I'm going to feed the fish!" Fish actually clapped when they saw me coming-yes, fish can clap-they flap their little tails on the water. It's very cute! OK, so we sit down to rehook, or whatever it's called and what is laying there? I'll tell ya what-a pair of needle nose pliers! Ye site Bob there they were the line cutter we needed! Theen Frank turns to get yet another lure from the tackle box-note to self buy Frank some lures. Well when Frank turned around what did he find? I'll tell you what! A dollar bill! Bam! Take that dollar bill to the first store we see and buy a lottery(if I stop there it will rhyme, symmetry) how can such a confluence of good fortune not lead to winning a bijillion dollars? That's what I say-it can't. It's as if the moon and stars have aligned and decided it was my turn. Last night I saw my cousin June. She said God never gives us more than we can handle-I said God must think I am very strong because from the very moment I was born I have been "handling." this is why I reckon today is the day! I would like to open a foster home in Mommie and Daddy Pat's name and a little restaurant: call it Dona & Myrtles! Anyone looking for work. I'd buy that Green Bowl property Rosie wants. I would buy Poopy a house and get Jessica 2 puppies. I would take anyone who reads this blog on a cruise. Where do y'all wNt to go? I would pick 7 names random out of the phone book and give them money-$100,000! Shoot I would really buy the world a coke;I can't sing a lick so I'd hire someone to do the whole teach them how to sing part! How much have I spent so far? There is this amazing property in Mt. View I want to buy-and season tickets for Bug A Boo for the Yankees! Ha just kidding- hard to get Sox season tickets but we would find a way! Winning the lottery is so much fun. I could just pay someone to publish my book, which I could finish sitting on the deck of my mountain house in Mt. View-see it all works out perfectly! This is going to be a lot of fun! Who's with me? Need all positive energy today-by this time tomorrow we will be financially comfortable. Though money can't buy happiness or health it sure can't hurt! Na na na na na, today I'm winning the lottery! Yeah for all of us!

Bucket List

After watching The Bucket List several times, I decided to create my own bucket list. I did not write a bucket list because I was dying, rather, I wrote a bucket list so I would not forget to live. Having Lupus for seventeen years...it is always in the back of my mind - when will the other shoe drop? It struck me I was living not to die instead of living - What a perfect waste? We can't do that! For a fact each of us know we have an expiration date. With this knowledge we should be driven to squeeze in every ounce of living during every day. Yesterday I caught my first fish - 20 inch Northern Pike - he was an ugly mother of a fish! Big teeth and a big mouth, yuck! Took the picture and threw him back. Last week I shot a gun. It was not my first time shooting a gun - it was the first time I shot a gun at a target because I wanted to do it - checked two things off my list. Flying a kite has not been as successful, Eileen and I have tried (The kite we tried yesterday had very specific directions; Have a friend stand 75 feet away. Have your friend hold the kite as high as they can) I wondered if the person holding the kite could be someone who was not a friend - will it work? Will the kite not fly if the "kite holder" was an acquaintance? Do we need a measuring tape? What if we are only 65 feet apart? Such specific directions are daunting.) I'd like to win the lottery. Make the completion of my bucket list much easier. I want to buy a Jeep, soft top, and drive across the United States. There are so many beautiful places in this country - so many interesting people - I want to stop at country stores in the middle of no where to buy a bottle of pop then sit on the front porch and drink it. I want to see the Liberty Bell - I have been to Washington, DC, but I want to go back when I can spend more time there. I want to see the Mets play at Citi Field, visit Wrigley field and watch a ball game with Bug A Boo and Rick at Fenway. I want to see Mt. Rushmore. I want to try a cruise - a short one, just in case I don't like it. If I do like it then I would like to cruise up to Alaska. I still want to get my motorcycle license. 5 more classes and I will have finished my Masters - finally! I have this book I have been writing, would like to finish it - send it out - probably have it printed and bound myself - just to say I finished it. Whole lot of stuff to do. I better win the lottery. I know we have to work and tend to the business of life. There are obligations we have to keep. The moments in between, these are the bucket list moments, the moments we can live. Everything on the bucket list does not have to be a grand feat; mixing the perfect martini can be on a bucket list - shaving your head and starting over(I've thought about that, only problem is when my hair is short I am often mistaken for a man) A little girl asked me if I was a boy or a girl; I told her I was a girl, she inquired; "Why?" I replied; "Because God made me a girl." She responded; "Me too, God made me a boy and now I am a girl." At the same party another little girl inquired if I was a grandmother - kids beat me up that day. I look like my father, what can I say? When my hair is short I look even more like my father - too bad I can't put face reconstruction on my bucket list. I mean I could but I wouldn't. I am a firm believer in being the person God made me, no chin, chubby cheeks, and masculine jaw line. God pretty much gets things right. So what is on your bucket list? Do you ever think about it - maybe not the specifics of it - just the thought of the time you spend when you are not doing the things you have to do; there are so many obligations we have to keep - a wise woman once told me "When you get paid, pay yourself first." Think about the instructions the flight attendant gives, (why don't people pay attention when the flight attendant give those directions. I know we know what she is going to say, but common courtesy should dictate us to at least feign interest) The flight attendant tells us if there is a sudden loss of pressure in the cabin oxygen masks will automatically drop form the overhead area, this is the important part - Place the mask over your own face before attempting to help othersou should know - today is July 27th, it marks the beginning of the month of my 47th birthday! I celebrate a month of my birthday - I'm worth it!

Golden Girls

Have you ever watched thee television show The Golden Girls? It really is a timeless classic. It was funny 20 years ago - and it is funny and it is funny today. In one episode, when Sophie was in the Hospital - Dorothy made a comment about how no matter how old you are when you lose your parents you become an orphan. And Sophie, she continually used her age as a reason for doing and saying exactly what she wanted. As we get older our filters are a little less dense - we begin to feel "What the heck? Who cares what other people think." There is also a direct correlation between the height of a man's socks when he is wearing shorts and the man's age. Older men wear knee high with shorts. Middle aged men wear crew socks with shorts. Men in their late 20's wear crew socks with shorts. Young boys wear those no-see-um socks - which by the wear look very uncomfortable. Why is it no matter how old we become we somehow continue to seek our parents approval - and yes, when we lose our parents we become orphans. In my case I have had biological parents and the parents who loved me. I feel the loss of the parents who loved me every day. I'll admit to feeling pangs of envy when I see people my age with their Mom/Dad or both. It hurts still - I suppose it always will. My biological mother died when I was born - my biological father is still alive. Now here is where life keeps throwing me curve balls - there is no good reason for me to seek his approval; a sane person would not even spend a moment of time with him - His mom - My Little Gram and my Mommie, well they wanted me to have a relationship with him - and I know Little Gram loved her son and she wants me to have a relationship with him - and goodness, I try. Yet, most of the time when I am home and I visit him I leave in tears. Inevitably he or his wife will say something which cuts me to the core - and I swear that's it, I am not going to visit anymore - and inside me, that little girl spoken of in all the self-help books, she yearns for his approval. No, it isn't really his approval - just for one time in my life I would like him to put me first. That is what it really comes down to. Just one time in my life - I want my father to put my needs first. Even as I write the words it makes me cry. I was blessed having a Mommie and Daddy who put all of their children first - I am especially grateful because they loved me - I was their Lisa Pizza - I did not question my place in their world. So I don't understand why my biological father would not just one time put me first. Just one time! Why should it matter? I wish I knew! It does matter - it won't change - that stinks! I often tell people who still have a parent(s), appreciate every moment you have, one day you might be here, where I am, having already buried three parents - left with one parent who just doesn't get it. Some people just don't get it. I often wonder where I have failed. What did I do or not do to make him look past me. I don't think he gets it. I really dont' think he sees it - It is like I said before - just because you can make a baby doesn't make you a parent. I am fortunate, blessed, because Mommie and Daddy - they gave me not only love, they gave me family, and values - they gave me morals and faith - they gave me strength and confidence - I am lucky - maybe someday I will move beyond this ache in my heart - maybe one day my biological father will surprise me and put me first - maybe one day I won't care anymore. Everything happens for a reason. Some lesson here I need to figure out - unfortunately, I think it is advanced algebra! Having learned young, and learned often - don't wait until tomorrow to tell people you love them. Write your bucket list and make it happen - start crossing off those goals - go after what you want...today. Be with the people you love and let them know you love them. Appreciate your family, no matter how much having a family is sometimes a drag. Count all the positive things in your life and let go of the nonsense - Faith, Family & Friends - ourTake care of youself; do for you - and don't feel bad about it. Today is yours so go get it - all of it. Inhale life until it makes you dizzy. OK, that is my rant for the day - I wish my biological father would put me first, I hope you really choose to dance, and I need to find a way to keep the raccoons from eating the bird seed and bothering the ducks. A lot to do today and I celebrate the gift of doing. I can do it! You can do it! Celebrate Life!

Morning

I am sitting here in the yard with the sun rising over the hill. Now and again a cloud blocks it and the sky turns dark and the air cold. There are at least 100 different bird chirping around me (OK, maybe 100 is an exaggeration inprefer to call it poetic license) I fed the big ducks this morning. Then I watched them chase a frog out of the pond, around the yard, and back into the pond. The frog escaped being breakfast! On the news last night there was a story about people selling beer encased in road kill squirrels. The beer is 55% proof and sells for $750 a bottle! I am opposed to killing anything. I catchc spiders and let them out; but $750 a bottle; that is a lot of $$$$! Must see 2 or 3 squirrels in the road everyday, poor babies. Do you think they would mind if I shoved a beer bottle in them? Who thinks of such a thing? "Oh there is a dead skunk, let's put a bottle of wine in him and sell him for $1,000!" that is just crazy. Why would someone do that? Of course I have had pets all my life. Everytime I lost one my heart ached, but to have them stuffed and kept on my bed or something like that, well that is just plain odd! We once lived next to a slaughter house. We played with the little pigs, fed them, cared for them; until they were ready for slaughter-yes, we ate them. This was their purpose. We all have a purpose. There is a reason for our existence beyond paying bills and filling seats in a movie theater. ( I guess unless you are a movie critic, then filling seats at the movie theater is your purpose) it would be nice if we were told our purpose, then we could set about to get the job done. Doesn't work that way-think about all we would miss if we blindly worked only for completion. Some say I am a person who takes the scenic route. Some say I meander. Well a lot of people say that, I reckon I don't have much use for the whole shortest distance between to points idea. Probably why I failed geometry 3 times. Just sitting here, watching ducks chase frogs, listening to the birds, shooing the darned flies, and meandering about in my mind is just fine with me. I see a lot of things I would otherwise miss and experience a lot I would not. The people I have met and the memories we share-see I would not give up being lost for just getting there. Meander with me. Just take a walk with no purpose, or a drive with no destination, or sit in the yard with the sun peeking from behind the clouds, meander a little today-let me know where end up-I bet the journey will be fantastic!

What is Comfortable...

Some mornings when I am getting dressed I have to change two or three times. First my pants feel too tight or too loose, then the collar on my shirt is choking me - it could be long sleeves are confining or short sleeves too revealing - just some mornings nothing feels comfortable - Life is like that isn't it? Somethings are just not comfortable and other things fit like a glove (which is an odd expression because seldom do our gloves actually fit well, our fingers don't each the end or the ends are a long way from our fingertips, or the wrist is not snug enough and cold air can sneak in there) I believe I was in college when my Mommie and I started watching the Rose Bowl Parade. Mommie loved to watch parades. All those years of Starlighters I reckon...When we watched that parade, the weather in Pasadena would be 75 and sunny - looking out our window we may see sun, along with 14 inches of snow and temperatures close to 10. I would tell Mommie; "I am going to live in California. When I finish college I am going to California." Even though I imagine the thought of me moving across the country was not a pleasant one, Mommie always said; "Go on and do that. Follow your dreams." When I graduated college Mommie gave me a one way ticket to Los Angeles. (Do you think that meant she didn't want me to come back? Never thought of that until now.) Off I went to California. Lived in California a total of 21 years, though not consecutive. It is true you cannot beat the weather. An occasional earthquake is rattling, (get it rattling - I crack myself up) the traffic is beyond awful, you can swim in the ocean, play golf, and go skiing all in the same day. ( I have not done that, I should add it to my bucket list) Living in Los Angeles, I do love it there. I have wonderful friends, a great family, good work I love doing,..I am blessed. I am comfortable there - I have been a week back here in the North Country, Malone - my home - where I was raised - Do you have a favorite sweater, bathrobe, sweatshirt? Some article(s) of clothing you can put on when you feel sick or tired or cold? Is there a favorite blanket you can wrap yourself in? When the day has wrung you out like the spin cycle on a washing machine, do you cover yourself with an afghan or a quilt? This is Malone. It is my afghan and my quilt. In 1989 I returned from California. Mommie's health was fading and I came home to be with her. Three years Mommie and I spent together. I missed California. The winter here is worse than finger nails on a chalkboard and a root canal occurring simultaneously! They may have been the best three years of my life - that is another story for another day - It is the comfort of Malone which continues to amaze me. I don't spend a lot of time here. A couple of weeks in the summer. This year I am here for a while longer. Yet when I am here I am comfortable. Some people know me - though I spent most of my life trying to go unnoticed. I have friends here whom I have known for 47 years. That is a long time. I have friends here I have known for 5 years. When I walk into St. Joseph Church it becomes that quilt which warms and comforts me. Driving down Main Street, even though so much of it is gone - well, basically all of it is gone - in my mind's eye I am wearing the red and white uniform, marching in the cold, feeling as proud as peacock - it is comfort. Our lives tend to take us many places. Not everyone is meant to stay in their hometown - though your hometown is always your hometown. The comfort of being here - it is peace within my soul - I know winter would change the peace into a growling, angry, cabin fevered lunatic - but right now - the rain, sun, thunder, lightning - the ducks on the pond, the birds in the trees, the ATV rides, shooting a 10-22 rifle(hitting the target with every shot) stopping at the Trailside for a bite to eat and a Mountain Dew (not many places serve Mountain Dew) Up there people call me Sis - they think I am Eileen's sister - isn't that cool; I am here a few weeks a year and I have a nickname; that is comfort. Eileen's Mom stopped up the other morning. She was going to Ft. Covington and asked if I wanted to ride along. I did. We stopped by her house, where she has lived my whole life, sat on the back porch - we chatted while I read the Telegram(which only takes a minute given how few pages it is) How comfortable is that? It's a gift really. Talking with Jill and Patty. Sharing our horror memories of Bishop Smith, laughing, and then admitting we would not have such wonderful memories or been friends for 45 years had we not went to Bishop Smith. We move along through life and we change. This is good - we should change - life moves so fast; we build new rooms and add new members; we get married have children - we nurture our family of choice - we build friendships - we build our careers - this is what we are suppose to do; Mommie often said she would know she had been a good mother if her children could fly - She was a good Mommie, I can fly - and I can come home, sit out in the yard; visit - I can put on this sweatshirt and sweatpants which are Malone - have a nickname; I can do all of this, this is comfortable. Vacation will end. Off to LA I will go - back to reality, work, back to my family and my home; I wish I could be two places at once - Of course if I were in either place all the time it might not have the same sense of comfort - I don't know. I do know I can't decide what to wear today. The sun was out a minute ago, now it is raining - Eileen says if you don't like the weather in the North Country, wait an hour it will change. I guess I can wait an hour before I get dressed - or two hours or four - I am on vacation after all. I truly hope every person has a place of comfort, a sweater, sweatshirt, or blanket of comfort - a friend of comfort - a book of comfort, or maybe music - an activity - perhaps golf or softball - seek your comfort, don't stop until you find it and once you find it don't ever let it go - Geez, I am so blessed! Don't know why God has given me so many blessings but I sure do thank him. ...And you, those who read my ramblings - my family and friends - you know who you are - my blessings, my heart, my comfort - now, could one of you tell me what to wear?

Isn't It Amazing

Yesterday, storms rolled through here - they were amazing! Lightning from clouds to the ground - then lightning from cloud to cloud - the wind blew, the rain fell, hail! Darn it was something! Then, the sun came out and a double rainbow! Isn't that amazing? It got me to thinking how life can often be a thunderstorm so strong and mean we don't really know if we can survive it; yet when we do, there is often a rainbow at the end. We have to feel the power of thunder shaking our foundation so we can really appreciate the peaceful calm of sitting with our loved ones watching a television show. Something so simple - Life has many "momentous" occasions; moments when we celebrate with grand fair. Yet, somehow I think it might be the apple martini while sitting on the front porch after a long day at work - this simple moment - these are the moments which make our lives. (These are the days of our lives - ever notice how you can stop watching a soap opera for ten years, then go back, and most of the character plots are the same?) Life is not a soap opera - though it may sometimes feel like one. While the momentous occasions alternate between joy and sadness - there are so many more easy moments; and these are the moments which are the pieces to the puzzle we make out of our lives. The whole picture becomes a scrapbook of laughter which takes place when there are no "big" things going on. Of course those "life changing events" change our life - hence the term life changing - our personal growth and maturation is shaped from the big moments - when you think about who you are the "big" moments come to mind - what about the little moments? What about the quiet times? I use to watch my niece sleeping - she was a few months old, my sister was in the hospital, so I was  helping out - I watched her sleeping - it is an indelible memory; beautiful, peaceful, powerful - Yesterday, I felt the thunder shake the house, watched the lightning put up a show - it was amazing! It was somewhat scary, spent too long in LA where there is no weather - Part of the resiliency of those of us who have grown up in the North Country comes from our surviving winters; seeing that first robin come spring - see this is a small moment but one I remember year after year - Women are not limited here in the North Country - anything he can do she can do better is a standard because everyone has to pull their weight - just a fact of life - there is a lot of work to be done so everyone has to do their part. I mowed a lawn the other day, finished, then stood back admiring my work - it smelled good, my lines were straight, it looked good - small moment, one I will remember. I know there are big moments that will continue to take place - moments and events which will change the course of my life; then there will be that duck who thought my golf ball was an egg and sat on it - that will be a memory, and a story I will tell over and over. Working on checking things off my bucket list, catch a fish, go to the Baseball HOF, tubing (which I did not know was such an absolute blast) finish my book; not big things - You know how sometimes you find a real bargain on a great pair of pants or in my case a sweatshirt? This is a moment to remember - and you will every time you wear that sweatshirt or pants or dress - I am going to take more time to absorb the thunderstorms - though today's rain is cramping my catching a fish plans - we should relish more of the little moments - the smell of home baked bread; the taste of homemade jam; sitting on the porch with our loved one, sipping wine, Mountain Dew, or a nice apple martini - whatever it is - the journey really is the gift! All of us will end up at a destination, depending on what you believe - can't take anything with you - somebody said the other day; "You never see a Uhaul following a hearst." Small moments fill our lives with meaning - tell someone you love them, make dinner for your partner, call a friend you have not spoken to in a while, call in sick then go to the mall and shop, all that big stuff is going to happen; good and bad. Truly is smelling the roses we remember! How amazing is that?

The Feeling Of Memories

I myself have a difficult time remembering how old I was when certain events took place. I say this because sometime when I write something, I may refer to myself as having been 7 when I was closer to 12 - there are many reasons for this - which are not relevant - just know they exist. Anywho - sometime between when I was around the age of 8, for Christmas my father's second wifes' younger son gave to my sister and I a Yamaha YZ 80 motorcycle. (Did you follow that line of people? Good for you-sometimes I need to draw a picture because I am a visual learner) I took to riding that YZ 80 like a fish to water - though I could not swim a bit - riding a motorcycle, this was my "thing!" I would ride that bike for hours upon hours upon hours - all day if I could. Back in those days a little girl could ride through fields and dirt roads without worry. Once and again the State Troopers might happen upon me - I just took to the hills - they never caught me. One time they showed up at the trailer, I answered the door - I was already home; they asked to speak to my mother, when I told them she died giving birth to me the said sorry and left. Hey, don't judge, it is a fact my mother died when I was born, the Trooper asked to speak to my mother - like Dragnet I gave him "Just the facts!" During this period of my life, well, life was throwing a lot of curve balls. I had to be really quick on my feet-learned a lot about resiliency, finding silver linings, and how to be two places at one time-riding the motorcycle was my escape. When I was on that little bike I could be anybody, do anything, go anywhere. The engine sounded like freedom, the air smelled like safety, and the feel of the throttle in my hand was control - all of it mine. These are wonderful memories - since high school I  have had precious few opportunities to ride a motorcycle. When I come up here, home, I do have opportunities to ride - yesterday, I rode a 4 wheeler on some tracks with my friend Frank. We went about and about - from Malone to Lake Titus - The feelings within me - the feelings of those memories - there I was, a much older version of the child escaping it all, with a throttle to control, a freedom engine, and the clean air of safety (though we were on some dusty trails so the air was not so clean) What it felt like I do not believe I can tell you. It was amazing! Over the hills, rocks, through the mud; at first I was a bit scared - it has been a while and I am not as young or physically able as I once was. but you know what? It was exhilarating, it was a rush, even the fear felt alive, in good way though(not a scary movie or going in a dark room by yourself kind of fear) - Then after we stopped for some lunch - when we were headed back and my confidence was returning - there, somewhere between Lake Titus and Malone - with dust in my face and the sun setting on my back - the feeling returned; it was once again me and the machine and we were at a place free from everything except that exact moment. Dang, it felt good. To actually forget everything that bogs down our daily life - to exist with the muffler heat warming your legs, and the dust in your face, the bumps and rocks bouncing me this way and that - lost in the memory; The feeling of the memory - I know my father's wifes' youngest son has no idea what he gave me that Christmas; probably does not even remember giving that little motorcycle - I'll never forget - Well maybe I will, I forget a lot these days - can't find my favorite green sweater; has anyone seen it? I'll tell ya this I bet, if my mind goes to mush you could put me on a motorcycle, give me a little spin and I would feel that memory-maybe I would not verbalize it, and maybe you would not understand it - if you looked in my eyes though, if you looked in my eyes I bet you would see the sparkle; the sparkle a little girl would have when all around her was chaos except for the time she spent riding a motorcycle where she was in control - Ah, the feeling of memories - some choose to feel the lousy memories - what a waste - Yesterday, on an ATV trail I felt a memory so precious, so delicate, so indelible, I felt freedom - Something isn't it? And yes, my body feels the memory today - I'll take the aches and pains - they will pass - the feeling of memories - they remain; that is a fair deal!

We need a warning label!

There should be a warning label for women when they hit 45. "WARNiNG:your body is about to go CRAZY!" how hard would that be? Why is it called menopause? Oh sure I know the whole word genealogy part of it; however, starting with the word MEN is just wrong! This "period"(all pun intended")stinks! Seriously, sometimes i wonder who the heck has taken over my body and my mind. Come to think of it "history" is another word in need of looking at. Women are in the books about the past and without us there would be no "his." Why do we have to have the babies then go through menopause? Remember lying curled in the fetal position, with the heating pad thinking "Oh someday I will hit "menopause" and no more periods?" Wrong again! Where was the warning label."This is the easy part, it gets worse!" Some women probably have their Moms around still and they may be comfortable with the conversation. Personally, I have never been one to talk with other woman regarding periods or sex. (though I have been told that women do such things) Maybe it is a generational thing. Perhaps women my age were raised to be quiet about such things. I don't know. This "menopause" well this is a horse of a different color. That film they showed us, boys in one room girls in the other:"(insert funny film voice here) OK, now you have parts that make you different than boys" No duh, by the 5th grade we figured that out all by ourselves. Nothing in that film about "When you hit 45 or so you might turn into a raving lunatic, or your body may begin to feel like an entity unto itself. Who is responsible for this travesty of justice? I love God but I have to tell ya when I get to heaven I want to know why he gave us women all of this to deal with. I'm sleeping last night, sound like a baby, and that rarely happens, I am awoken by cramps and I am soaking wet. Had to get up and put on dry PJ's! Sometimes I'll see a woman start sweating and taking off every bit of clothing she can. Women running down the street screaming...okay that is my minds eye; but we should! Then there are the personality overhauls which arrive without warning; bam, at once I turn from my fun loving, happy go lucky me, into a person I don't even know. The slightest sound, smell, touch...and away I go. Honestly people comment "You are awfully quiet today." Oh I am not quiet, I am mentally imagining ripping someone's head off because their green shirt is annoying me! Who is that person and how did she get in my body. I am not exaggerating. (Maybe a little, it is justified exaggeration) Somedays I just don't talk for fear of the words which will come out of my mouth. The government forces warning labels on everything:they ought to start putting them on menopausal women. "This woman may blow at any time!" WHY? And when does it end? When do we get to go back to being ourselves? I know, we don't do we? No, this phase of womanhood lasts for the rest of our lives. Being woman and possessing the strength we do, we will adjust and adapt. But holy cow we should receive some sort of compensation for our troubles. And I don't want to hear tales of woe from spouses, partners, significant others, how they have to tolerate all of this. No way, live 24 hours in this body I don't even recognize! Go ahead I dare ya! Bless those of you who can embrace the experience. Good for you. As for me I
Too am going to embrace the experience, and choke the living you know what out of it!

When did we learn this?

Yesterday I was at a BBQ. They had one of this bouncy things you blow up and then jump around in. The children were having a great time. Two adults wanted to go jumping. They said they could get one of the children to go with them. I said just go jump, you don't need any child to go with you. It got me to wondering when at what age did we learn we could not "play?" I went in the jumpy thing. I flopped and fell and laughed. It was a lot of fun. Do we lose our "playtime" when we find out the truth about Santa Claus? Though if you ask me I'll tell you Santa is real. No, maybe not a physical man living in the North Pole. Santa is the spirit of the holiday. While the celebration is about the birth of Jesus, with the holiday becoming so commercial, I believe Santa is the embodiement of giving. I don't know about you but I still have butterflies on Christmas morning. I so enjoy it when I find the right gift for someone. My mother Christmas shopped all year. We would be in a store, she would see something she thought one of my sisters would just love, so she would buy it for Christmas. To me this is "Santa." didn't matter what month it was. To my Mom it was the pleasure of giving. She also opened every gift with wide eyed wonderment and joy! She held her inner child very close. She might not jump in a bouncer but she did not lose sight for having fun. Why do we do that? Believe me I know the weight of daily living can be heavy. Isn't that all the more reason to jump when we can? Do we need a child aged escort so we can let the child in us play? Maybe when we stop trick or treating we begin to shy away from swinging and skipping. Perhaps our rebellious teen years direct us towards "behaving grown-up." Seems a shame. Children laugh freely and often. My niece laughs the entire time she torches marshmallows at the campfire. It tickles her pink. Riding a rollercoaster is just fun. Paying a mortage does not mean you can't have fun. It is OK to buy toys, play Flip-n-frog, jump in a bouncer. Shoot it ought to be mandatory! Take off that tie, or those high heels and go to the swing set. Corporations should have playgrounds instead of fitness rooms. If we all laughed more we would be healthier and happier. Isn't laughter the best Medicine? I just don't remember when we became too old to have fun. What are we afraid of? Looking silly. Silly is all the stress lines across our face from lack of laugh lines. Your going to have wrinkles might as well be laugh lines. We played with sparklers last night. Sure we let the kids have some, most we sparkled ourselves. It was fun. Do you ever look in the toy aisle? Maybe there is a game you would like to play. You can have a young chaperon if you need one, or you could play with your friends it would be OK. Time is going to tick away, we are getting older, yet there remains a child in us willing to play hop scotch or hide-N-seek. Nothing wrong with that. Don't spend all your time being grown up. Take some of this precious lifetime to dance, skip, bounce in a bouncer, swing, go down a slide. I don't know when we learned we could no longer play: I do know it is not too late to play some more. Go ahead, play! See how great it feels to giggle-and simply forget all that grown up stuff. The grown up stuff won't go away-trust me it sticks like glue. For some reason though, after a few roller coaster rides the grown up stuff just does not feel that heavy.

Ducks?

OK, so one of my jobs these next few weeks is to watch over the 21 ducks who inhabit the pond. There are three families. One is a mother with four little babies. The second family consists of eight mid-size babies and a mom. The third group has nine babies with their mother. Let me tell you duck moms are some mean cusses! The mom with the most babies is aggressive. Though I suppose laying nine eggs, sitting on them, and waiting for them to hatch might make one feel ornery. The pond is big enough for all the ducks. There is plenty of food for all the ducks, yet the middle family really wants to dominate. Then there are river otters...these critters swim under the water coyly snatching baby ducks under. That is just rude. I am going to need a slingshot-no, I couldn't hit the broad side of a barn! I won't hit the river otter just coax it along it's way. It's a pond not a river, know your place. Gopher patrol appears under control. I googled gopher control but trap setting is not my thing. Peaceful coexistence, that is all I'm seeking. One with the universe, mutual respect and kindness. How do you teach ducks? Darned if I know. I didn't even know ducks were so much like people;territorial and wanting to have more than they need just so they could say they had it. Why is that? Why don't we just take what we need and pass the rest on to the next ducks. Ducks, by the way, do walk in a row. The mother also teaches them to eat in the water upside down. We use to stand on our heads and have someone pour beer down our throats through a tube-how high will that rank on the stupid meter? Funny how no matter where you go there you are. The view may be different, yet the reality is the same. Changing your perspective is a good idea. I Feng Shui all the time. Stand on your desk at work; look around. It is like a whole different place. Time and perspective benefit everyone. Peace can be elusive! Attainment of inner tranquility is possible. Of course obtaining your peace should not disrupt another person's peace. Often does though doesn't it? Just like those ducks. Each mother seeking the most food, protection, and shelter for her babies is aggressive in moving all obstacles-even when it is not necessary. That momma duck can take care of her business without bothering the other ducks. She doesn't though. She is aggressive in pursuit of what is best for her little ones. Silly duck! How am I going to impart to a duck the concept of sharing? I have a lot of work to do. Better get busy. By the way, I am typing this on my iPhone and can't proofreadr or spellcheck, so please forgive the multitude of errors. I am doing the best I can!

Well, well, well

After spending three great days in the Mountains of North Carolina with my sisters, nieces, and nephew - I now find myself in a Holiday Inn somewhere in Philly - I knew I did not like Philly - apparently when it rains here they can't fly planes. Funny thing, they fly planes out of Seattle all the time and it rains there a lot! Oh well, I ordered some delivery - Spaghetti and meat sauce - hoping it is good! Salad and dinner roll come with it; how bad could it be? Can't say the added expense of a hotel room and all it incurs was on my agenda; however - it is the journey not the destination - though by now I was hoping to be in Malone watching over the ducks and scaring away the gophers. The time in North Carolina was really great! It had been way too long since we were all together. Oooh, food is here! Haven't eaten all day! Hang on a sec...pretty good spaghetti - not as good as I make but I had a great teacher. Mommie made some great spaghetti -OK, I am starting to come back to life - man I was hungry. Spaghetti is hot food tastes better when it is served hot.
As I was saying the time with my family was long overdue and well worth it. I went tubing - you ride on the tube as a boat pulls you across the water! Goodness, you have to do that! It is just a blast. I laughed the entire time I was out there - really cool. If I knew how I would put a picture up - maybe I will try to figure it out. My 7 year old niece, well she just giggled and laughed, no fear when your 7 - she rode that tube like a pro!
OOH, I don't have any dental floss - I can't floss my teeth tonight! Yuck!
I had a point somewhere in here - well, I guess it is that we all remember things differently - you know; "It's all in your perspective." And though we do remember things differently we still share so much. It is what we share which binds us - this is what to remember - we need to take care of what binds us and nurture it; we need to tend to our relationships - even that of someone who has a "revisionist historical perspective." Some people think that is silly, I just don't accept that. Every relationship has a value and a purpose - abandoning a relationship because some of the details are a bit devilish just seems too, I don't know - just not right - easier, sure, but that doesn't matter - easy is for wimps. Limitations are also for wimps. We shouldn't limit ourselves; why would we? Just go and try and do what you feel you can - when you feel you need to stop you stop. Our imagination should be the only thing which can limit us. I don't reckon our imagination has any limits. I love my sisters, just the way the are - the people they are - differences and likenesses - and I so enjoy it when we are together; we laugh - OK, they mostly laugh at my story telling; but Sandra Bullock does have a camp on Chazy Lake and I'll prove it! I don't know how I will prove it, but I will.
Our shared history, no matter whose version you hear, well, that is such a valuable gift! It is a gift and we need to remember the gift and be open to receiving it - The spaghetti is almost gone. I'm stuffed. I should save the bread for breakfast.
My point? What was my point? Shucks I don't know - just that we need to take care of each other; we need to take the time to be with one another - yeah, we are different people - but sisters are sisters and family is family - this is important stuff! Really important stuff! Is anyone paying attention? I am tired, better get ready for bed, except I can't floss my teeth - that stinks - Wonder where my luggage is? Do you think it will ever get to Burlington? Do you think I will? Yeah, sure I will - a day later and several dollars shorter - Ah, Philly - you beat my Mets but you won't beat me. Night!\

Ever Wonder?

M y friend has a bumper sticker - "Did you ever stop to think, and forget to start again?" That's a good bumper sticker - especially for us middle aged folks trying to keep lists straight in our heads. You know get up to get something and forget what it was - what a pain that is - especially when the "thing" was up the stairs - there you are up the stairs totally forgetting what you went up the stairs for. How many times have you stood in the grocery store, knowing all the items in the cart are not all the items you are suppose to buy. Lists - need to make lists - I keep lists everywhere, sometimes I make lists of the lists I need to make - Of course I often forget to take my lists when I go to the store or wherever else. I make lists of things I need to do for work - but that lists I forget a lot. Work is a fluid situation, less listing the better. I make lists of birthdays so I can send cards out on time - now I use my iPhone to set calendar reminders - I have a stack of birthday cards, anniversary cards, graduation cards, wedding cards, I bought my father the same birthday card last year and this year; know how I know? Because he never received either of them - they are in my unsent card stack. I have a card I bought for my niece when she graduated college - 20 years ago. I am not great about card sending, I believe I keep up Hallmark and American Greetings stocks, but the US Postal service - no, that's not true I even buy the stamps; somewhere between the card and stamp buying I lose the write a quick note and drop it in the box. That whole the best intentions - that is moi! I have the best intentions, just bad on my follow through - which is similar to my golf game, my follow through is short, leaves me a wicked slice. I mean well, which isn't worth a hill of beans I know this. Ever wonder why people have vanity license plates? What is really annoying is the vanity license plates I can't figure out - now that bothers me - I like the bumper sticker about being the change you wish to see - that's why I keep cutting my own hair - still waiting to see that change, maybe when I get to Malone and those good hair cutting scissors! Yeah, let me get my hands on those bad boys. Someone said, Einstein I think, "If you always tell the truth you never have to remember anything." Now that is a good plan. Plan being operative because always telling the truth is a near impossibility. When my hair was Smurf red and Lucille Ball out of control a lot of people had to say they liked it - When it comes to big stuff though, tell the truth - even when the truth might hurt - Better to have your armed severed quickly and completely and bleed slowly. What else do you wonder about? What are chicken nuggets? What part of any meat is a medallion? I thought a medallion was a medal? Why doesn't Subway put the mayonnaise on the bread? I prefer it better on the bread, the bread is dry - and when they put it on the meat the veggies slide all over the meat - it is messy. Why would they do a movie with a bunch of once were action movie dudes? They are really too old for that kind of movie - I mean really too old. They should have made it a comedy, with the action dudes in semi-retirement getting into a scuffle at the local grocery store over some produce - not given them guns and made them half naked and trying to beat up one studs - and why is the governor of CA in that movie? I hope whatever his royalties are go to the public employees forced to take furlough days, or maybe reopen a few parks; He better not take that money and spend it on a Hummer or whatever his plans are for November when he is no longer Governor.
Ever wonder why all people who have 2 million dollars don't just give $50,000 to a random stranger? How cool would that be? Where exactly does a luxury tax go? Ever wonder if I am just crazy? I do. Though I know I am not crazy. I am crystal clear sane - that is my problem. Really, too much clarity in the questioning and a lack of availability in finding the answers. Oh, I will keep looking. Somethings will come to me. In the meantime...Ever wonder how they get the filling in the Hostess Cupcakes?

This is Controversial

Some of you are not going to agree with me...however, it needs saying - people are nice! Over the past few months I have twice travelled to North Carolina. Walking with a can, carrying my baggage, gimping as I do - people, complete strangers have gone out of their way to be kind. Two gentlemen asked if they could carry my bags to my gate. One nice lady moved all the arm rests so I could slide from my window seat out to the aisle. The flight attendant took my bag, checked it for me (for free) so I would not have to worry about it. See, people are nice. On the plane here yesterday, there were three young men sitting behind me. All of them were reservist(spelled incorrectly no doubt). They were on their way for special training. It was water training in NC, in preparation for deployment to Iraq. Why they needed water training for deployment in Iraq, well that I can't figure out - They were so proud of what they were doing - I was proud just listening to them. Their parents should be proud. Such nice young men.
On one leg of my flight I had the window seat, a family was separated, so I gave up my window seat for a middle seat - I'm nice too - the flight attendant thought I was so nice she gave me a $4.50 can of Pringles for free! That was nice. Too often we remember the wrongs and the meanies - then we forget the kindness. I like those commercials, you know where the lady stops the ball and the guy driving buy sees that then he helps a lady with a stroller, and someone else sees that and they open a door - I like the idea that one act of kindness becomes a force rippling across this sea of humanity. It is a nice notion, and I believe it is a reality. It is a reality because people are nice - and it's OK to be nice. It doesn't mean you are weak or sappy, or you let people walk over you; it means you recognize the precious gift of kindness; Kindness is a gift you give yourself - and for a gimpy traveller, it is a gift I shall cherish. Alright people - let's be nice! We can do it and it won't cost us anything. Kindness is spreading, we could all use some kindness during these tough times - who knows where your single act of kindness might end up. It could start in Cali and end up in Charlotte, and maybe move on to Iraq - where some brave young man or woman is standing watch - think of that - think of your kindness reaching all of those brave young men and women who are standing watch, in a desert, in the dark, in the heat - away from their families; if that does not inspire you to kindness nothing will. Then I will have to find you and give you a swift kick in the backside; it is free for goodness sakes - People are kind, that's my story and I'm sticking to it!

I Was Thinking

Last night I was thinking again about the "Letting Go." Recognizing how difficult such a process can be, I figured there must be a manual. I checked Amazon books and there are hundreds of self-help books on the subject. Getting Over Your Past, Moving Into Your Future, Being Your Best Self, Finding Your Inner Child - I have read a lot of books on the subject. I needed a lot of help, getting over a lot of stuff! It was a lot of work! Still, there are some pieces of the past which remain. Unable to conquer the all of it I simplified it - live today as best I can. That does sound simple; of course sounding simple and being simple are two different entities. No, it is no easy act - no easy fix - there is no easy how to manual on "Letting Go." I am certain though, this is the course which must be taken. I think it really starts with acknowledging that we are not perfect. Our parents were not perfect. The world is not perfect. I also believe we need to have faith! Faith that the people who hurt us did not do so on purpose - faith in ourselves - we do the best we can...sometimes, maybe often, we have fallen short. Goodness knows, we fall down. It is the getting back up which we have to use as our measuring stick. We can't say; "Wow, look at so and so, how together they are." Chances are they lie awake at night with as many worries as you do. My brother use to say; "If everyone on your street took all their problems and hung them out on the clothes line, then you walked up and down the street, at the end of the day you would go back to your clothes line and take in your own problems." We should try to envision the bag of rocks sitting on the shoulders of others, then be grateful for our own bag of rocks - however heavy, they are probably lighter than those carried by others. Self pity is a real pet peeve of mine. Woe be me sucks! Feeling sorry for yourself is selfish and serves no purpose. Not to say there are not days when we have to just crawl into a ball and let the weight of it all wash over us. That is alright. Just don't hang around that pity pool for too long. It is a waste of time. And time is too valuable to waste. Time is a gift much too precious to give away to the past - which you can't change - or too precious to give to anyone from the past or present who has hurt us. Time is a gift from God - and we need to accept that gift with humility and gratitude; Stop wasting time! I just can't get over it! Bullxxxx! Get over it already! No, it these are not words magically spoken, wave a magic wand, and tada it's gone. It requires a conscious thought process, often on a daily basis, but it can be done. It must be done. Wasting time blaming everyone else for the problems you are facing today is silly. Simply look at the problem, evaluate the possible solutions, choose the best solution, act on that choice, and move on. Though I think it begins within us. We are so hard on ourselves. So sure we are the only ones who have ever screwed up so royally that our behavior is beyond forgiveness. The idea that if someone really knew us - no one would really like us. Shoot, if someone really knew the truth about us; they would find us repulsive. Probably not, people will judge. It is easier to pass judgement on others than to examine oneself. Much easier to point fingers at others than to examine our own place in the world. Maybe that is wherein our problems lie. We don't want to get better, or be better - it is easier to feel sorry for ourselves and to blame others than it is to put in the work and make ourselves better. Why would we choose that? Why when this gift of life is so precious, and love is so beautiful, and God has given us so many blessings - why would we choose to waste one second? I don't get it - I don't have all the answers, don't have all the questions - like I said; I am just trying to move my pile of rocks from one side of the road to the other - I am trying to be a better person, grow and change, develop a deeper understanding of myself and my purpose here. Forgiving others, knowing they are doing the best they can, even when they hurt me or wrong me - More than once I have asked; "How much can one person bear?" Then I have to remember, I can bear whatever it is God asks of me. I might have to chant it over and over and over again. I might need a dip in the pool of self-pity, I might need to get fighting mad - then I have to get back within myself; seek my peace; ask for forgiveness, and "Let it Go!" Don't you wish there were an easier way? An easier path from pain to enlightenment. I know I do. I also know I don't know much. Off I go on my continued quest - if I get any bright ideas  I'll pass them on. If you have any solutions please share them - we all need to help each other, of this I am sure.

Letting Go

My Uncle died yesterday. He was my only biological uncle - and those of you following along know the rest of that story - My Aunt said something which got me to thinking - "It was hard to watch him, hard to let him go." So, I spent the night thinking about this "letting go." The greatest gift we can give a person we love is to let them go - those of us left behind; we suffer the loss. I reckon my Uncle is already playing a round of golf - My Aunt and cousins, they are having to "let go."
The letting go not only happens when we lose someone we love, though I reckon this is the most profound.
I do not know anyone who emerged from childhood without wounds - if we are to heal from these wounds we must grant forgiveness, really give forgiveness, then we have to "Let Go." Teenage years are prime years for mistakes - we make mistakes everyday - some big ones and some little ones, but we made mistakes - the only way to move on from these adolescent mistakes is forgiveness and "Letting Go."
....Then we venture into adulthood, and we really screw up. Part of the screwing up is due to the fact that we did not forgive and "let go" of all the stuff from before - Off into grown up land equipped with anger, bitterness, resentment, and a heaping pile of hanging on to things which cloud our judgement. Then we make grown up mistakes - Now what do we do? We have to find forgiveness and we have to "Let Go."
As I sit here looking around this house, there is so much stuff - stuff I worked hard for - stuff I like to have - but it is just stuff; I need to "Let it Go." As the lyrics in so many songs; If you ain't got nothing you got nothing to lose." This is a place I want to be - I want to have nothing so I have nothing to lose - I'm not referring to people - I love people, I need people, but all of this stuff - It has to go!
What of this nonsense when family members don't talk to one another for twenty years? How silly is that? A lot of times no one even remembers why they started to stop talking in the first place - then someone dies or some other tragic event - and bam, they stand face to face; crying, hugging - saying I'm sorry - wasted twenty good years - the alternative might have been to talk, forgive, and "Let Go." My mother's best friend passed away when they were on the outs - not speaking - Mommie expressed a concern regarding her best friend's daughters' children - Mommie was concerned about their care, shared her feelings with her best friend, then her best friend had a stroke (not directly as a result of that conversation but in the ensuing months) - Mommie sat by her hospital bed, crying and begging for forgiveness; her best friend never regained consciousness, and Mommie could not "Let Go." The pain kept her up many a nights - It is these adult mistakes; these we are hard pressed to forgive ourselves and we are harder pressed to "Let Go."
We have to do this though - We have to "Let Go!." We have to forgive ourselves and then we have to "Let it Go."
Material possessions, grudges, pains from the past, childhood wounds - we have to find forgiveness, forgive ourselves, then we have to "Let Go!"
We can't wait until we our "Letting Go" is the best last gift we give to someone before we forgive and "Let Go!" I refuse that! Will you refuse it with me? Will you refuse to hang on to your failures, your mistakes, your baggage, your stuff...Can you forgive yourself? Will you forgive me the failures, my sins against you? Then will you "Let it Go?" Set me free?
My Uncle is off on his journey to heaven - as I said playing golf - I bet the courses in heaven are beautiful. Maybe I can beat him when I get there. I'll pray for my Aunt and Cousins and for this time when they have to "Let Go."
I'm going to sell some stuff - a lot of stuff, give it to Goodwill; keep five shirts, two pants, some undies and socks - and let go of the rest. The screen saver on my computer is one word; MINIMIZE! I am going to start right here today - I need to forgive myself and "let go." Dang, that won't happen just today, but today I am going to start. I'll sputter, stumble, start, stop, cry, laugh - reckon I'll make new mistakes I'll have to accept, forgive and let go of - Hey, you have to start somewhere.

Do you believe in evil?

See, I can't wrap my head around the idea of some people being born evil - I just can't do it. It is difficult for me when I hear conversations regarding the evil amongst us - no, I don't see it. Yes, I see bad stuff happening all the time, the idea of evil possessing a person or a person being filled with evil - no, doesn't fit into my reality. One time I had a student whose parents performed an exorcism on their child because he was emotionally disturbed - except they believed he filled by the devil and the exorcism would cleanse him. This little fella was eight years old, weighed 40 pounds soaking wet, and he had a smile that lit up a room - then once and a while some internal stimuli would cause him to act out. He said he heard voices telling him to throw things, or to run away - though I can't say I believed that; I believe he said that because he was told he was filled with the devil - anyway, he went home on Friday one child and returned on Monday another child - He was never the same - It was his parents choice and their "right" to have this exorcism performed - I tried to report it to child welfare, not reportable, religious freedom. All that exorcism did was take the light out of this little boys eyes; his smile was never the same. I was never the same. Being raised Catholic, the teachings about the devil always bothered me; that and confession - if I was God's child why did I need a priest to hear my confession and relay my sins to God; I prayed to God all the time, why couldn't I just confess my sins to him - I did not like the intermediary. The Episcopalian Church does not require you to confess to a priest, you just confess to God - and that's that. Makes more sense doesn't it? Now God, in my eyes, he is the main man-everything comes from him and all we have is because of him-Was there and angel that went rogue and became the evil angel; does he possess people and fill spaces-So many people are in tough shape right now, economically times are tough and out of work; families are being separated, crime is up, domestic violence is up, a lot of bad things are occurring more frequently; Anyone who has the desire to prey on the weak, while the world is full of prime pickings - desperate people are easy to suck into any idea if it releases their stress or offers them freedom from responsibilities. Now, are the predators evil or just egomaniacs? Are the followers evil or just vulnerable? Serial killers are often the product of dysfunctional childhoods, were their parents evil - probably if you look back their parents were abused and the abuse goes back and back and back - where does the evil start? Wasn't it more likely, difficult circumstances or trying times created situations which shortened tempers and tolerance and cycles of abuse began? Or am I just being naive'? Am I just trying to refuse the concept of evil so I don't have to deal with it? Am I being the chicken, the weak one? Shucks, I don't know. Evil though, I don't buy it. God gave us free will, with our free will we make bad choices, awful, horrific - incomprehensible choices - Look around you - this world is in a really tough place, a lot of people are really struggling - so I figure more crime will occur, it is a function of the social/economic conditions - not evil. Poor choices made by desperate people during desperate times. What do you think? Is there within some of us, or all of us, evil?

What is love?

Remember when you were 7 or 8 years old and you met someone who was 25 and you thought;"Dang they are old!" At 7 time is so simple. In the movie "Fever Pitch" Jimmy Fallon's character asks Drew Barrymore's character if she still loved anything or anyone for 20 years or even ten years. After thinking about it she said I should hope not. "Why not?" I thought. Why would you not love someone or something for 20 years? OK, he was referring to the Red Sox, and we baseball fans tend to remain loyal our entire lives. What about our families? We love our families for our entire lives. If we are lucky that love lasts for 50 or 60 years. Some folks stay married for 60 years, that is love. I have the same best friend my whole life. I mean from birth till this very moment she and I have been best friends. Oh sure we have had "our moments" the love though that has always existed. What of God? If you are a believer then his love has filled you and carried you your whole life. That is love. Parents love their children forever. When our children soar we glide with them. When they struggle, our hearts break;: there is no time limit or expiration date on love; certainly the divorce rate may lead one to conclude that love is not forever. I'll concede people may fall out out love however I believe there is still love between them. Throughout our lives we love people, pets, and yes baseball teams-and that love lasts 20 or 30 years, probably longer. So what is love? Love is forgiveness, love is acceptance, love is making mistakes without fear of losing everything. Love is sitting with your best friend and no words need to be spoken. Love is the butterflies when you look in your partner's eyes. Love is riding a roller coaster when your stomach is churning. Love is letting go knowing when you get back your friends and family will still be there. Love is chicken soup and saltines when your sick, a hug when your sad, or the laughter that brings you to tears. Yes, sometimes love is heartbreak and loss and a whole in your heart which can not be filled-love remains long after the loss and it grow deeper the more you open yourself to it's possibilities. Love is not measured by time or distance-it is depth and meaning-and, yes I believe it lasts forever. No it won't pay the rent and it does not always mean you can live together-it will still fill your days and it can make your nights long. For a  baseball fan love is spring when the World Series is possible-love let's you believe what logic denies. Perhaps we are better served by logical thinking...Nah, let love guide you! So, have you ever loved someone or something for 20 years? If you can respond with a "yes" then say thank you. You are blessed! I am blessed because I can say yes over and over and over and over-through the good and the bad through the tears and all the years I have known love, I know love-20/30/40 years and I'm not done. I'll go the distance with an open heart even when such faith will cause loss and thus pain-I'll take it all. Every little drop, wink, laugh, quiet moment, hug, goodness I'll take love for all the gifts and I will give love for all the joy-and in the feeling of and knowing of love I am blessed. And as the song says; "Love Hurts" and sometimes "Love Stinks" Losing someone you love, well that is awful - saying goodfbye forever - It is our loss though; Is it better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all? No, it better to love and never lose - too bad life does not work that way. Though I reckon it is love which gets us through the loss with the belief we will be reunited - if you believe in that. I do, for sure, and sometimes knowing I will be with my Mommie and Little Gram again - that just makes me giddy. A while back when we had to evacuate because of the wildfires I took a picture of my Mommie, Little Gram, Little Gram's High School Diploma, my pets, and of course my family; That's it! When it came down to it that was what I loved enough. Sometimes I think the word "love" gets thrown around too much...that picture is lovely, you look lovely today, I love hot dogs, don't you love the Mets? Isn't the fact that love is everywhere in our lives more evidence of it's power. Can we use the word love too much? I suppose so. Anything can be used too much - but love? No way! Love and Love and Love somemore; you can love the day, love your car, love Mountain Dew - Go ahead, spread the love and let it flow from you in your words, actions, thoughts, deeds,..when love lets you down; find more love, it is out there - it is in you! Oh, I know loving material posessions is frowned upon - or probably we shoudn't love objects or things. I would love to have more money - What's wrong with that? If I had more money life would be easier, my mind free, and I could love even more!
What is love? I don't know - does anybody? Love is everything even when it is nothing - Love fills you up and empties you out - Love just does anything, allows us anything, the power of love...it is incomprehensible. Poets, writers, dreamers, even politicians bring love into their work - we bring love into our lives, we are given love, we give love, we feel love, we grieve love, we yearn for love - Geez Louise, love really is everything - How cool is that?

Judgement vs. Observation

When we see someone stealing we might say; "That person is wrong for stealing." Is this a judgement or an observation. Stealing is wrong - it is against the law. When someone shoplifts we all pay for it because the store raises prices to cover the loss. We don't know why the person is stealing. A mother stealing food for her hungry children - well, we would be hard pressed to judge this woman. We would be wrong to judge her for her actions. In a country where so many have so much, we should be ashamed, that any mother has to steal to feed her children. If a woman steals a bottle of Seagram's and a carton of cigarettes - again, our observation would be that the woman is wrong. In this case we are more likely to judge this woman as a criminal. Is that wrong? Is it wrong to judge a man who harms his child? Well, I reckon it is. It is wrong to judge anyone - not really our place to judge anyone. Without "walking a mile in their shoes" we don't know why anyone does anything - So, does a person's motivation for their behavior alter our observations or judgements - When we see someone engage in a certain behavior, let's say, helping an elderly woman put her groceries in her car - We may judge this as an act of kindness - we may judge this person as being a good person - we may be wrong - I believe Ted Bundy was often observed engaging in acts of kindness - he did not turn out to be a model citizen. So our observation of behavior is accurate, Our judgement of the person is inaccurate. This is why we would be better served to not "judge" people or their actions. We can observe and record behavior - what we don't know is the motivation for that behavior. All behavior is a form of communication, so we may try to determine what a person is trying to communicate - beyond that we serve no purpose in judging other people. So why are we so quick to judge? Why are we so quick to condemn someone or quick to raise a statue in their honor. No one is always anything. Some days we do pretty good. Some days we struggle, and some days we fall flat on our face. In any instance I think most people do the best they can. I am oft to say we are all pushing the same pile of rocks from one side of the road to the other. If we remember that we might be less likely to judge other people. If we remember, that each of us carries baggage, some carry cinder blocks, and others carry quarry rocks - but we all carry something. Why can't we just cut one another a break. If we take a moment to pause - just to reflect - how would I want to be treated, then treat other people accordingly; wouldn't the world be a better place? If we spend less time judging others and more time improving ourselves we could start a revolution. No one can truly know what is in another person's heart - we can observe their behavior - we can attempt to discern the communication this behavior is serving - what is in a person's heart, we just don't know - this is the reason we should not judge. A person's behavior which cause us pain is going to get a response - that does not mean we are judging their behavior, we are simply responding to their behavior. A police officer clocks us going 99 miles per hour, he records this behavior, stops and tickets us. He does not care why we are speeding - he is only observing our behavior and reacting to that behavior. Does he judge us as a criminal? Who knows, who cares? We were speeding and we were caught - done deal. Our purpose for speeding is irrelevant - we broke the law, got caught, and we must deal with the consequences - done deal. So judgement and observation - are they the same; I would say no. I would say that it is not our place to judge. However, observing behavior is a life response. Responding to the behavior of others is a life response. Not my place to judge anyone because I am not without fault - try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt - My mother said my greatest strength and my greatest weakness were one in the same - I have too much faith in the goodness of others - Well, I reckon, I'll have to live with this. For sure it has brought me pain. For sure it has brought me joy. I'd rather believe in the goodness of others than to spend my time bitter, judgemental and envious of others. I'd rather believe people are good, even when they choose bad behavior, and I would rather turn the other cheek than to slap back. At times my behavior is observed/judged to make me a chump - or some may think; "Dang, Lisa just let's people walk all over her." That is not the case. You can only be used if you allow yourself to be - I just see no purpose in getting my feathers all fluffed up in reaction to the behavior of others - Better I just take care of what I can control - my thoughts and my deeds - better off I try to give others the benefit of the doubt - not to assume anything one way or the other - better to forgive and be at peace than to let anger eat away my soul. So the question of judgement or observation - while I am a behaviorist, by training I observe behavior - I record behavior - without doubt I will also tell you I don't judge behavior. Though one's actions may bring me to conclusion or force me to make decisions - I figure everyone does what they can to survive - you know - to push their pile of rocks - and we are all looking for our place of peace, and sometimes in that pursuit our behaviors may hurt people we love - doesn't mean we don't love them - it's just the way life works - If you are going to extend your heart, sometimes it will get broken. If you hold on to the pain rather than bring forth forgiveness and understanding, then, in fact you are hurting yourself. We should spend no time judging, more time forgiving, less time believing we know it all - and more time offering an open heart and hand. We can observe the behaviors of others, and I suppose it is human nature to try and figure out "why" beyond that, we really have to let it go - carrying around those rocks, well, just carry your own rocks - that's enough of a load - why carry someone Else's rocks - No, forgiveness is a faster path towards peace - we have to start with forgiving ourselves - then we can take the next step - just one step at a time - I know it is a cliche, but you know, such observations are made for a reason - they are true - a pattern of behavior occurring over an extended period of time - eventually becomes a habit - let's get in the habit of forgiveness, for giving the benefit of the doubt, let's get in the habit of observing behavior without judging, maybe we could just try it for a while and see where it gets us - Oh, and yeah, let's just take it one step at a time -

The 4th of July

I don't reckon we give this holiday the respect it deserves. Then again, I don't reckon we give many holidays the respect they deserve. Oh sure an extra day off from work is great - and a reason to BBQ and drink beer is cool - Christmas is about giving presents, if your lucky you get to do so with your family and that is nice - Memorial Day, well that has become the marking of the beginning of the end of the school year, or the beginning of summer, or for the fashion conscious - you can wear white again! Veteran's Day - my Dad marches in a parade every year - both my Dad's served in the military as did my grandfathers. My Uncle was a Rear Admiral in the Navy - I was raised in a town that was apple pie, baseball, and American made - of course what is American made anymore? I call to have my "Made in the USA" product installed and I am speaking to someone in Pakistan - How many millions of Americans are out of work? I know it is all about the economics, I know, I know - My Mother always said you get what you pay for! Am I willing to pay extra if it means I will be supporting an American Company, a fellow American - Yes I am! Not that it would be easy, because hard times fall on me. We forget, everyday we forget - and then we have the holidays to remind us, yet we are so busy planning what to do we don't stop for a moment and remember why we do it.
How many times do you pause and consider the events of 09/11 - Is that even in our stream of consciousness anymore? I do, every time I go through airport security, or when I hear a plane flying a little lower than usual - or when I look around me at the rainbow of people I see here in Los Angeles - I think about what happened on that September day. I also think about how our own government used that tragedy as a means to strip away a little more of our independence - they used the fear and they used scare tactics and  we all went along because what else could we do - Today is Independence Day! Let's take some of that back, let us honor the men and women who gave us Independence by taking back what our own government has slowly taken from us! I don't want to own a gun - I just want us to vote! How can more people vote for American Idol than President? How in the world is that possible? I want us to protest, get out in the streets, call congress people (and it is people, not men, because we are Independent, and a lot of women suffered a lot of years so we could say "congress people") Buy American - check the labels - I bought an American Flag pin the other day - never once thought  it wasn't made in the USA - It was made in China - It was a US Flag pin - made in China, there is something seriously wrong with that. Let us support our Unions - and our police, teachers, firefighters, military personnel, and our political leaders - we can disagree and we should - we should ask questions and challenge authority - because that is what Independence allows us to do. Do go getting stupid, just exercise the rights you have! We could stop being so compliant! We could get up and do something - I've got mine so why should I care about anyone else - I'll tell you why, because that anyone else was once where you are now - Today you are fine so you don't need to speak up or out, when tomorrow comes you might not be so fine, then you will want to speak up; but will you? Nah, we are not about that anymore. Not everyone and not everywhere - there are no absolutes, no one size fits all anythings - I am just proud to be a citizen of the United States, and sometimes people look at me crazy for feeling that way. Checking labels so I can buy Made in the USA merchandise, some people think I am nuts! I wear an American Flag, and a USA jacket, I even have USA socks - So there it is I am a citizen of the United States, and I am proud of that - I am grateful to those who sacrificed so I could write this silly blog, or BBQ, or watch fireworks, or baseball - and I am grateful because I had the opportunity to go to college, or to work, or to travel - and when some look at me like I am a relic from the past, well that is OK! I am a relic, a good old made in the USA relic of a citizen - nothing wrong with that! Now, I must go call tech support for my Made in the USA television - where do you think it will be - Uruguay?

Putting it in perspective

Some mornings we make up to drumming raindrops upon our roof and we think; "Darn, there goes my plans for the day." A reasonable response - however, if you listen a little longer you might here the ringing laughter of all the birds taking a beautiful rain shower. How the little birdies love a good rain shower. They sing song after song, they laugh, amidst the rain drops they dance - it is spectacular - though the rain has spoiled our plans for the day it has made the birds rather happy - While it is raining you might put on your muckers and your slicker and head out to the garden - there you will see the flowers straining their necks towards that sweet nectar of life - the rain - the rain which has spoiled your day brings life to the lettuce, lemons, pumpkins, and cucumbers, etc. Have you ever watched a thirsty sun flower as it swallows the rain - at first droopy and sad - with each drop of rain the stem stands taller and the face turns upward - it turns toward the sun; cause the sun is still there - just napping - in LA when it rains it is a welcome relief; oh sure it means you have to leave 40 minutes earlier to get anywhere, there will be numerous accidents on the freeways, and people may be a bit snarly - if your a teacher it means the dreaded "rainy day schedule" no recess, short lunch - ooh boy, a whole day with your students without a break - The rain in LA, well the next day, after the rain has cleansed the city - well the smog is gone and the sky is that color blue you can't describe but you know it is beautiful - and the day after rain, you can inhale a breath of clean air - The Foothills are green, and the trees are green, green anything(besides money) is really beautiful! Of course the rain spoiled your plans for the day. When were kids and it rained we played Monopoly - all day - or two days or three days - sometimes the sun came out but we had to finish our Monopoly game; that darned rain, spoiled our plans - In summer we rented a camp, now what could be worse than having only five days at camp and one of them being stolen by the rain - that really sucks - my cousins and I would play Risk. Do you remember Risk,it was this deep strategy game about amassing an army and overtaking the countries of your playmates - My cousins were two smart young boys - I learned a lot watching them play strategy - I loved to watch my Grandmother "not" fall asleep watching us play - making sure there was plenty of Kool Aid and snacks. That darned rain spoiled our plans - Shucks!
A five day work week leaves two days, Saturday and Sunday, in which we can complete the mass of chores needed doing - then those raindrops drumming on our ceiling wake us Saturday morning and our plans our spoiled. We call a friend and head to the movies, a good rainy day activity - it is an independent, never heard of movie, but the only one playing - so we watch it - and we laugh and cry and tell everyone how much they need to see the movie - or we get out the baking pans, maybe make cupcakes with our daughter, or build a Lego City with our son, or vice versa - I personally loved Linkin'Logs - Of course that stinkin rain spoiled our plans; that pile of pictures in the corner waiting for their home in the photo album; well, the rain might actually get them where they belong; I might be of the mind to go ahead with my plans, regardless of the drumming raindrops; I may instead awaken to the singing of tin roof rain and decide to get outside and dance; muckers, slickers, hat - playing football on a muddy field is so cool - and I'll tell ya what, rain soaked Mother Earth has a heaven sent scent! Oh the silly rain, spoiling my plans - not a chance. A rainy day is only an opportunity for another opportunity of which we may not even know we are being blessed with - So if this day finds you waking to singing birds, and tapping drops of rain - well, keep it in perspective; then look around you; opportunities await your every turn, your only limit is your ability to imagine and your willingness to keep it all in perspective -

My point proven...

Our townhouse is directly across from the pool. For the past few weeks there have been this group of adolescents boys jumping the fence to swim. They don't live here. Now, I would not have a problem with some kids looking to cool off - except these boys curse like sailors, they spit in the pool, and today one of them urinated in the corner by the lamp, right there with me watching - then two of the boys started fighting. Really going after one another - I hollered for them to stop, they did not - I walked across the drive, and told them to stop - none of the boys looked at me or acknowledged me. When I asked them if they lived in the complex they did not respond - I repeated my question, then the smallest guy finally said; "No." The other boys acted like I was invicible - which I am not - though being invisible would be cool. Imagine all the things you could see and do if no one saw you doing them. You could go to the movies for free everytime, and how many times could you go on Space Mountain at Disneyland without waiting in line - I digress. I said to those boys if I saw them again I would call the police. They never acknowledged me, alright, don't acknowledge me. Show up again and we'll see who gets my attention. Of course now I'll have to stand vigil every night waiting for their retaliation because they know where I live; and it appears no one is paying attention to where they are.  My proven point is this; those boys come after school every day for several weeks, and they swim for several hours. They curse like sailors, act like complete nummy-nuts, disrespect adults, and when an adult does address them they ignore. I don't know the circumstances these young men live in - but if my child was coming home three hours late from school everyday I might notice. If my child acted the way these boys did; I would be ashamed. Again I repeat, the best parents are not necessarily the ones who actually give birth - I feel bad for these boys - I reckon they don't have the best parents. That is sad. Sad for these young men for the road they will have to travel looks long and hard. Not made any the easier if their parents don't care enough to know they get home 3 hours late everyday from school - see these boys will have to come live in my big house, so they can feel love - so they will know they are loved because someone takes the time to notice where they are - time, isn't that what we need to give. Love and time, and they are both free - I'm going to need a really big house!

We might want to remember...

There are those who believe that you must give birth to a child to be a parent - I don't believe that. My mother and father did not "produce" me - they loved me, I was their child. Therefore I don't buy into this notion those of us who did not give birth cannot understand "parenting." I'll tell you this, I know children. I do, I understand children, I am really good with children...I am a teacher because I am good with children. I don't teach to make a living(sure it pays the bills but that is not why I am a teacher). Adults, parents, Aunts, all of us so called grown ups - we forget how much the eyes of children are upon us; we don't always take into account how our behavior is going to impact the innocent souls of children and then we act like plum fools! It's true - we do it, not always with intent, though sometimes it is with intent - I have a hard time believing that, but I know it is true. I know adults who have given birth whom do not deserve one hug from their child. Children love their parents without condition. Little girls want their father's love and will do anything for their mother's approval. Children will look to their parents for the answers to questions they cannot even comprehend - children sense discord in the room before the adults even know there is a storm brewing. Every word a parent says becomes set in concrete in a child's heart. Why don't we remember this. I know most people of my generation emerged from childhood with a lot of scars - but we can't use our raising as an excuse for failing our own children - Oh, sure I know; "Who is she, she never gave birth?" Stop being so foolish people - giving birth does not make you a parent - loving a child makes you a parent-when you give everything to a child this makes you a parent-when you go without so your child can have everything they dream of this makes you a parent, and when you make tough decisions, and create rules, and provide guided discipline, this makes you a parent - allowing your child to try the violin, then the trumpet, then the guitar, then the clarinet, then cheer leading, then soccer, then basketball, then dancing, then writing - paying for swimming lessons, and voice lessons, and planning for your child's education when they are seven - that is being a parent. Giving birth does not make you a parent - You know when you are in a restaurant and you see a parent chastising their child and you just cringe - and your instinct is to go over there and tell that parent to "grow up?" Well, the instinct to protect any child makes you a parent. A parent is not going to impose their beliefs upon their child - My father made sure I went to church every Sunday. Can't say I really liked getting up and going to church - as an adult there is not a day that goes by in which I don't thank my Dad for taking me to church. Not that I go to church every Sunday - but I know God and I have a deep faith, and during the most difficult times of my life that foundation has held me up. He was guiding me, not forcing me, and there is a difference. There is no book on being a parent, and you don't need a license, and you don't need to actually give birth - there are a lot of women who cannot give birth and they are beautiful mothers. There are a lot of sperm donors who have no idea what it means to be a Dad. My perspective on this comes from my life experiences - though my experiences are not unique, they are no way the norm. What we need to remember is that we, adults I am speaking of, we are not perfect, and we are going to make mistakes - and we have unclaimed luggage still rounding that great carousel from the airport of our youth - all of that should be grown up stuff. Stuff that we, the adults, keep in the quiet between us, or within us, and it should not be placed upon the tiny shoulders of any child. And those adults who are not mature enough to know this, well, they should get a long time out - I mean a really long time out. Silly fools who place their immature, unresolved, inner-unhappy child, nonsense and put it on their children - because you know what - your children will carry your weight. They will carry your weight every minute of the day - except if you think about it, what weighs 20 pounds to a 40 year old weighs 100 pounds to a ten year old - No, you don't always get it right, and we make mistakes - there are differences of omission and sins of commission. Mommies love without condition, and they don't put upon their children the scars from their own youth, and they protect their child from everything, and they take the food out of their mouth to feed their child - And Daddy's you are suppose to be heroes - the knight in shining armor riding a white steed, and you are suppose to always understand and to tell your baby - "Don't worry, it's OK, and I am fine. Go have fun." That is it - and when you mess up you kiss it and make it better - and if your lucky and you do the best you can one day  your little baby will step into adulthood, into parenthood, and they will make their own mistakes - then come home and need you to tell them they are a good parent - and you will because you yourself are a good parent - Alright, the whole letting them go is hard, but that is the point - nothing worth doing right is going to be easy. No, I never gave birth. Was not my lot in life - God had other plans for me - Am I judging parents - heck yes, because parents need to remember they are the adults - and the adults, the parents, they are the ones who should take care of your babies, and if you can't do that without heaping your nonsense on your children, well get the heck out of the way and let me do it. I'll buy a big house and take every child whom I see yelled at in a restaurant, or spanked at the store, or arriving to school in dirty clothes - And I'll tell you what - I will be a parent, and a darned good one - because I get it - because my Mommie and Daddy did not give birth to me and they loved me without condition, and they taught me, and sometimes they made mistakes - but they loved me - get that - they loved me, mistakes, flaws, and all - and when I screwed up they loved me more - and yes, sometimes they put their grown up baggage on my shoulders and my shoulders are a little rounded because of it - but I never, not even to this day - never, ever, ever, doubted their love for me. We might want to remember childhood is for children to laugh, skip, run, play, take risks, fall, get up and try again - and we, us parents, our job is to be the net which will always catch them - And it has nothing to do with giving birth - it has to do with your heart and your soul, and your faith, and your belief in a child. Grow up people - Hillary Clinton may have been wrong about some things - but it does take a village - and I am the new sheriff in town - I won't be quiet anymore, I'll call you out in a restaurant, in a store, a parking lot, in your home - And you will not know peace until you do what your suppose to do - you birth giving parents who don't deserve the privilege of those beautiful, innocent eyes, with their unconditional love heart - YOU know who you are and I am watching! We might want to remember love has no condition when you love your child - and you know no wrath like mine - remember that!