Golden Girls

Have you ever watched thee television show The Golden Girls? It really is a timeless classic. It was funny 20 years ago - and it is funny and it is funny today. In one episode, when Sophie was in the Hospital - Dorothy made a comment about how no matter how old you are when you lose your parents you become an orphan. And Sophie, she continually used her age as a reason for doing and saying exactly what she wanted. As we get older our filters are a little less dense - we begin to feel "What the heck? Who cares what other people think." There is also a direct correlation between the height of a man's socks when he is wearing shorts and the man's age. Older men wear knee high with shorts. Middle aged men wear crew socks with shorts. Men in their late 20's wear crew socks with shorts. Young boys wear those no-see-um socks - which by the wear look very uncomfortable. Why is it no matter how old we become we somehow continue to seek our parents approval - and yes, when we lose our parents we become orphans. In my case I have had biological parents and the parents who loved me. I feel the loss of the parents who loved me every day. I'll admit to feeling pangs of envy when I see people my age with their Mom/Dad or both. It hurts still - I suppose it always will. My biological mother died when I was born - my biological father is still alive. Now here is where life keeps throwing me curve balls - there is no good reason for me to seek his approval; a sane person would not even spend a moment of time with him - His mom - My Little Gram and my Mommie, well they wanted me to have a relationship with him - and I know Little Gram loved her son and she wants me to have a relationship with him - and goodness, I try. Yet, most of the time when I am home and I visit him I leave in tears. Inevitably he or his wife will say something which cuts me to the core - and I swear that's it, I am not going to visit anymore - and inside me, that little girl spoken of in all the self-help books, she yearns for his approval. No, it isn't really his approval - just for one time in my life I would like him to put me first. That is what it really comes down to. Just one time in my life - I want my father to put my needs first. Even as I write the words it makes me cry. I was blessed having a Mommie and Daddy who put all of their children first - I am especially grateful because they loved me - I was their Lisa Pizza - I did not question my place in their world. So I don't understand why my biological father would not just one time put me first. Just one time! Why should it matter? I wish I knew! It does matter - it won't change - that stinks! I often tell people who still have a parent(s), appreciate every moment you have, one day you might be here, where I am, having already buried three parents - left with one parent who just doesn't get it. Some people just don't get it. I often wonder where I have failed. What did I do or not do to make him look past me. I don't think he gets it. I really dont' think he sees it - It is like I said before - just because you can make a baby doesn't make you a parent. I am fortunate, blessed, because Mommie and Daddy - they gave me not only love, they gave me family, and values - they gave me morals and faith - they gave me strength and confidence - I am lucky - maybe someday I will move beyond this ache in my heart - maybe one day my biological father will surprise me and put me first - maybe one day I won't care anymore. Everything happens for a reason. Some lesson here I need to figure out - unfortunately, I think it is advanced algebra! Having learned young, and learned often - don't wait until tomorrow to tell people you love them. Write your bucket list and make it happen - start crossing off those goals - go after what you want...today. Be with the people you love and let them know you love them. Appreciate your family, no matter how much having a family is sometimes a drag. Count all the positive things in your life and let go of the nonsense - Faith, Family & Friends - ourTake care of youself; do for you - and don't feel bad about it. Today is yours so go get it - all of it. Inhale life until it makes you dizzy. OK, that is my rant for the day - I wish my biological father would put me first, I hope you really choose to dance, and I need to find a way to keep the raccoons from eating the bird seed and bothering the ducks. A lot to do today and I celebrate the gift of doing. I can do it! You can do it! Celebrate Life!