The Feeling Of Memories

I myself have a difficult time remembering how old I was when certain events took place. I say this because sometime when I write something, I may refer to myself as having been 7 when I was closer to 12 - there are many reasons for this - which are not relevant - just know they exist. Anywho - sometime between when I was around the age of 8, for Christmas my father's second wifes' younger son gave to my sister and I a Yamaha YZ 80 motorcycle. (Did you follow that line of people? Good for you-sometimes I need to draw a picture because I am a visual learner) I took to riding that YZ 80 like a fish to water - though I could not swim a bit - riding a motorcycle, this was my "thing!" I would ride that bike for hours upon hours upon hours - all day if I could. Back in those days a little girl could ride through fields and dirt roads without worry. Once and again the State Troopers might happen upon me - I just took to the hills - they never caught me. One time they showed up at the trailer, I answered the door - I was already home; they asked to speak to my mother, when I told them she died giving birth to me the said sorry and left. Hey, don't judge, it is a fact my mother died when I was born, the Trooper asked to speak to my mother - like Dragnet I gave him "Just the facts!" During this period of my life, well, life was throwing a lot of curve balls. I had to be really quick on my feet-learned a lot about resiliency, finding silver linings, and how to be two places at one time-riding the motorcycle was my escape. When I was on that little bike I could be anybody, do anything, go anywhere. The engine sounded like freedom, the air smelled like safety, and the feel of the throttle in my hand was control - all of it mine. These are wonderful memories - since high school I  have had precious few opportunities to ride a motorcycle. When I come up here, home, I do have opportunities to ride - yesterday, I rode a 4 wheeler on some tracks with my friend Frank. We went about and about - from Malone to Lake Titus - The feelings within me - the feelings of those memories - there I was, a much older version of the child escaping it all, with a throttle to control, a freedom engine, and the clean air of safety (though we were on some dusty trails so the air was not so clean) What it felt like I do not believe I can tell you. It was amazing! Over the hills, rocks, through the mud; at first I was a bit scared - it has been a while and I am not as young or physically able as I once was. but you know what? It was exhilarating, it was a rush, even the fear felt alive, in good way though(not a scary movie or going in a dark room by yourself kind of fear) - Then after we stopped for some lunch - when we were headed back and my confidence was returning - there, somewhere between Lake Titus and Malone - with dust in my face and the sun setting on my back - the feeling returned; it was once again me and the machine and we were at a place free from everything except that exact moment. Dang, it felt good. To actually forget everything that bogs down our daily life - to exist with the muffler heat warming your legs, and the dust in your face, the bumps and rocks bouncing me this way and that - lost in the memory; The feeling of the memory - I know my father's wifes' youngest son has no idea what he gave me that Christmas; probably does not even remember giving that little motorcycle - I'll never forget - Well maybe I will, I forget a lot these days - can't find my favorite green sweater; has anyone seen it? I'll tell ya this I bet, if my mind goes to mush you could put me on a motorcycle, give me a little spin and I would feel that memory-maybe I would not verbalize it, and maybe you would not understand it - if you looked in my eyes though, if you looked in my eyes I bet you would see the sparkle; the sparkle a little girl would have when all around her was chaos except for the time she spent riding a motorcycle where she was in control - Ah, the feeling of memories - some choose to feel the lousy memories - what a waste - Yesterday, on an ATV trail I felt a memory so precious, so delicate, so indelible, I felt freedom - Something isn't it? And yes, my body feels the memory today - I'll take the aches and pains - they will pass - the feeling of memories - they remain; that is a fair deal!