48 years

The sunsets on my 48th birthday. So many people contributed towards making this day special. I have officially lived twice as long as my biological mother. No I did not know her except for a small diary she kept. Most of it was written in German. Aldona Mae found someone to translate it for me. So what I know of my biological mother is that she did not like Germany. She wrote about the cold and the wood stove not keeping her warm. She was married to my father but in love with a man named Peter. She would never leave my father but she wished he was home more. She did not like motherhood. She felt overwhelmed and often sought help from Aldona Sr. And Mrs. Murphy. In a bar, one night, in 1990, a woman walked up to me - she asked if I was Lisa Stewart? I told her I was. This woman said she was one of the nurses there when I was born. She said, Eva, was malnourished and weak, but she pushed through the delivery...a few moments after I came out, Eva sat up and asked: "Is the baby alright?" Though I was underweight and not breathing they told her I was fine. This nurse said: "Then your mother lied back down, her heart stopped beating and she died." the nurse went on to say she would never forget that moment. Eva lived long enough so I could be delivered. I survived and have now lived twice as long as she did. Though the day of my birth is also a day of remembrance I still celebrate. I celebrate for both of us. If I look at the past with rose colored glasses or retell the happy memories, I do so because those are the memories which matter. At my brother Scotty's funeral I said: "We can remember moments of weakness or a lifetime of love.". Scotty was a tough nut. He did many things for which he felt such remorse, and he tried to atone for his failings. Family, faith, and Malone. The man loved Malone. He loved to ride around and point out all the buildings his grandfather or father, or he himself helped build. Where a building was crumbling he saw potential. As Main Street stores kept closing he kept looking for new businesses to lure to Malone. His dream was to make a coffe table book, photographs of North Country barns which had been built by community members coming together - Barn Raising was to be it's title. But Scotty did not have time to make the book. I hope one day I can take those photographs. I would title the book; "Through Scotty's Eyes." One day when Mommie was in ICU, Scotty came to the hospital. We waited for the ten minutes you could go in and see your family member. Mommie was hooked up to machines, she was in a coma. I sat next to her, held her hand, fixed her hair, tried to apply a little lipstick ( Mommie went no where without lipstick!) Scotty stood a few feet away. I told him he could come closer, talk to her, touch her. He couldn't do it. Just tears in his eyes, grateful when our time was up. Outside he said to me; Egghead(that was his I love you name for me), he said Egghead you are something special." my only response was love gives you strength you never knew you had. Which brings me back to Eva, love gave her strength so I could live theses 48 years. I have been blessed and I have been burdened. There are yet mountains to climb, flaws to fix and demons to banish...and two books to finish. I better get busy! See, I choose to remember the good things, the happy memories, and you can say I revise history...that is a good thing isn't it? For life will toss & tumble you like socks in the dryer, yet it is always your choice as to the memories you keep and the ones you let go of. Reckon I'll just keep on keeping on with happy memories at least until I am twice my current age. Thank you Eva for loving me enough.

You Have Probably Read This Before...

I am certain I have told this story before, however it is worth repeating. My biological mother, Eva, died when I was born. My biological father, Larry, did not know what to do with a one year old & a newborn infant. In stepped Mommie & Daddy Pat. They gave my sister and I a home. More importantly, they gave us a family. Linda & I were loved, we were accepted, we had a home, we were family. I cannot explain or describe the magnitude of this gift. From the time I was born I was an orphan, yet I wasn't. Sure I wonder how life would have been had Eva lived. I think that is normal - what God took away he gave back to me in a million other ways. Larry's mother & sister, my Little Gram & Aunt Norma were always there for us. We had two biological cousins, Steven & John. Every summer we spent two weeks at Little Grams. Steven & John were at the house every morning, ready to spend the day with Linda & I. Reckon they may have had other things they would rather have been doing, but for two weeks of the year, Linda & I were with our biological family and it was wonderful. At home in Malone, we had Rosie & Aldona Mae - we were sisters. We played together, we had our share of sibling rivalries, we were normal sisters. The Murtagh Clan was large. At family gatherings Linda & I were cousins, just like everyone else. What Mommie & daddy Pat gave us, both the good and the bad was unconditional love. There was turmoil & trauma, through my rose colored glasses I see only the gift of love. As life is often six degrees of separation, the friends we made, everything we had, the women we are today all began the moment we went home with Mommie & Daddy Pat. When circumstances became difficult it was my brother Scotty & his wife Wanda who took me in. They didn't hesitate, I was their sister, I needed a place to live, that was
that. I became a big sister my niece Amy. That was yet another gift. When circumstances allowed I was able to "go home" to Mommy & Daddy Pat. To this day Aldona Mae, has been the best sister anyone has ever had. What amazes me even more are the friends who become family. Y'all know Eileen has been my best friend since the moment I was born. This friendship gave me even more family; I am Aunt Lisa to Lauren & Jacob, Mrs. Murphy has always treated me like a
6th daughter. Just today they threw me a surprise birthday/graduation party. Who was there? Of course Eileen, my niece Lauren, my nephew Jake, my sisters Margaret & Patty with their husbands, my brother Frank - Leigh, my soon to be niece - June my Cousin/friend & Jill, whose blessed Mother drove the bus I rode to school on. Together they all came to celebrate me. It amazes & humbles me...for what I lost upon the day I was born God gave back in at least 1,000 different ways. Everything I am, any good I have done, any obstacle I overcame I have done so because I am loved. My friends in CA, Donald, Jessie, Lynn, AnnaLee, & Michelle & Aaron who now live in NC, or Shari who lies in HI, Liz & Emily, Tony, Nazi, Anna - and I could go on and on...I have such a blessed life because Mommie & Daddy Pat showed me the true meaning of love. Little Gram & Aunt Norma showed me the true meaning of love. Yes, there were dark days, days of struggle; then a day like today happens, a party where everyone came together, enveloping me in a cocoon of love - once again I bury the tough parts, and with my rose colored glasses (they really were rose colored glasses, Margaret gave them to me), and my revisionist history, I am once again amazed by those who find me worthy of love - these are the memories to keep. These are the moments when my tears are joyous, when I wish I could give back 1/4 the love I receive - these are the days when I say my prayers and I thank God for all he has given me. We overcome because we are not alone. Knowing, I am sometimes lonely, yet never alone...well this is all I need. I suppose I might always wonder what life would have been like had Eva lived, I will never know; so I have lived the life God gave me. I thank him for opening the one door as he closed another. My faith is easy to hold, I only need look around me, and my entire life is a miracle. And when it appears I can't escape those moments of hell God opens the heavens and with my faith restored I move forward with strength, conviction, and absolutely no fear - surrounded with unconditional love nothing can stop me. The saying is somewhat trite...it is not the number of times you are knocked down, what most counts is the number of times you get up! I'll keep getting up!

When It Happens...

I have read every book I could find on rape and incest. In one book an 89 year old nun said no matter how much time had past there were still moments "when it happen." You don't know when, but you know it will. This women who had given her life in service to God, who spoke of forgiveness and healing -for her, as for any survivor there are moments when you just lose it. Flashbacks which remove you from who you are today and push you back to who you were back then. It can be a smell, a sound, a sight, a scene in a movie...it can be most anything - you never know and you have no control over it. Sometimes you lose time, or just curl up in a ball and cry. Sometimesbyou push through, using coping strategies you have taught yourself. If it were possible to "just get over it" we would all make that choice. We see it in our soldiers when they return from combat. For those most impacted by 9/11, they too cannot just get over it. Inhave a student who saw her father kill her mother, she was 6 years old - shall we tell her to just get over it? When it happens, when something triggers a flashback, it might be hours, days, months, years, or maybe never...you just dontbget over some things. At best you push them back into their boxes and you go about living the life you have made. You remember who you are today, you remember all that is good and right with your life. You engage in any activity which might push away the sensations, the tears, the fear, the pain! I reckon you do whatever it takes. When it happens you may cry for no apparent reason, you may cling to those you love so tight - and they don't quite understand...I write, I write these words and with each letter printed I can come closer, back to the me I am today. I feel bad because I am not quite the sarcastic Sally who cracks jokes and points out the absurdities in life which are just funny. But this is my therapy, my emergence from the damaged and scarred little girl back to the just plain crazy me. And I know there are millions of other people who have those "When it happens" moments - and perhaps one of them will stumble upon this silly blog and know they are not alone, and just maybe that will comfort or help them. And maybe if I find the right words I can get out of this dark tunnel and back to the person whom joyously celebrates every moment of everyday...because I know how blessed and loved I truly am. I know there are people who love me so much they would take this gut wrenching pain and feel it themselves to spare me when it happens. So please stay tuned, for I will get out of this tunnel...Mommie use to say the more you cry the less you pee, I have no idea what that means, I just figure it must be a good thing so I'll go with that!

Hope

12 days ago Eileen found a caterpillar. She brought it inside. It turned into it's cocoon while we were camping. This morning Hope emerged from her cocoon and is now a beautiful butterfly. While yesterday's post was "heavy" it is only one side of my life. The other side is this person who has spent the better part of 3 weeks documenting the amazing miracle of nature. Even as I sit here writing I have one eye on hope...both literally and figuratively. Hope's wings will dry and she will take flight! It won't be long, 30 minutes or so. And I with my scars and damaged pieces will dry my wings and fly-maybe not in 30 minutes, it will happen. During the darkest of my days I have lost hope. In moments of anger & frustration I have given in. Then someone or something would click inside my thick head and I would remember the power of hope. I would remember that I am never alone or that there are so many who carry a cross much heavier than mine. I would remember A & W teen-burgers and root beer on a warm summer evening. I would remember Little Gram giving me unconditional love. I would remember the sacrifices Poopy made to be with me when I most needed her, or her Rosie & I playing Patridge Family with tennis rackets and curling irons in front of the mirror. I would remember chilly fall days and jumping in big piles of leaves or walking for hours around a Christmas tree lot until Mommie found just the right one. I would remember hanging out at the Dairy Queen & trying to kick out the street lights. I would remember riding my Yamaha YZ80 for hours and hours, ah, the freedom that gave me. I would remember how Rosie helped me get into Upward Bound and how Upward Bound was such a gift. I would remember playing softball, or basketball, or volleyball at FA-gosh I loved being a member of a team. The circumstances that left scars did not steal my hope - at times the light dimmed but someone who loved me would come along and change the bulb. Mary Chapin Carpenter song...There's No Such Thing As No Regrets But Baby That's Alright! Yesterday through me for a loop. At 48 (not until next week) I cried myself to sleep last night...but can you see the miracle of God, that I awoke this morning and Hope was born. As she clings to that leaf, I cling to her promise! I did wake up this morning, and I am walking and talking and I have Hope! She is beautiful. Not a silly bug, a beautiful butterfly. I don't reckon we get to understand the pains in our life - we endure them, but we continue on - we cling to all that is good...we open our hearts to love and we love back with all our might. We watch a caterpillar emerge a butterfly and we name her Hope. Today, our world is abound in turmoil and chaos - yet each of us has the opportunity to spread some hope. If we each do it, why I reckon we can make a difference. And perhaps someone whose life we touch, someone who has lost their hope and sits in darkness, well maybe we can change their lightbulb and they will see hope all around them. Sometimes life just sucks, yet we can change our perspective...we can change our own lives, better yet we might just change someone else's. Isn't that just cool?

The Truth

On my left wrist I wear a leather band with the word "TRUTH" on it. I wear it to remind me if you always tell the truth you never have to remember anything. I also wear it as a reminder of what the TRUTH of my life is. While some of those who were suppose to love and protect me did not-my TRUTH is that I survived! Despite what they did to me I thrived! However, today I encountered the man who sexually abused me for three years. That is TRUTH. And when he reached out to hug me I almost vomited. When I was 6 or 7, I don't remember those years so much...this man abused me in ways you cannot imagine-in ways I can't comprehend. This is the TRUTH. I was taken from my Mommie & Daddy Pat, from my sisters Rosemary & Aldona Mae, from my brothers Scotty & Greg...and I went to live in hell! This is TRUTH! What no child should ever have to endure, I survived. When no one believed me, I survived. I learned to separate my body from my mind...then I spent years trying to get my body to forgive my mind. TRUTH! When my biological father made his choice, it was not to protect his daughters, I have long ago forgiven him. I am grateful for the faith I had in God, and thankful because I knew my Daddy Pat loved me. When he learned the TRUTH he wanted to kill the man who stole my innocence, my childhood! Daddy Pat was my hero. Times were so different then. Today the man who abused me would be in jail-but in those days, no one wanted the TRUTH to be known. I was to keep quiet! I did not keep quiet! The TRUTH needed telling! I dont remember why no one believed the TRUTH-I reckon it was easier to deny it! I was a shy, beaten down little girl, but I had a voice because Mommie & Daddy Pat taught me love. I knew what love was-you should not take a little girl from the only family she ever knew and send her to hell! I do not believe in hell as an afterlife option. I lived in hell, I have done my time there! When I die I will go be with Mommie & Daddy Pat, I will once again go home. Any child who endured sexual, physical, or emotional abuse does not forget-this is TRUTH. Then one day God reached down and plucked me from hell, I went home. Mommie & Daddy Pat took me home. The ensuing years were no picnic, but there was love, and love will win! When the day is darkest, love will win! And when your heart is heaviest, love will lift you up! I kmow this TRUTH because after I left my father's I went to Wandas & Franks, they love me. Wanda has always loved me. She & Scotty let me live there during a family crisis - and there she was my Bug A Boo - and we hugged one another with such love...in that hug I felt TRUTH! My damaged & scarred self is not who Amy hugged; she hugged the girl she once asked "Can you be my sister?" this is TRUTH! When I was in hospital for 22
days, Poopy stayed right there with me, every moment...she kept notes, she asked questions,
she saved my life-TRUTH! When Poopy had to leave, Eileen drove back & forth from Burlington 3
times so she could fly across the country and take care of me...this love is TRUTH! Today I
stood in front of the bastard who stole that which can never be given back...then I hugged my
Bug A Boo, and Wanda, I met Rick, Amy's husband, hugged Frank, Wanda's husband - I stopped to
see friends, then came home to Eileen's home, where I am always at home. I teach children who
have special needs - when one of my students is living in their own hell I see it in their
eyes and when I look at them they see TRUTH in my eyes -and they know for the time they spend
with me they are safe. There is no "getting over" rape! You live and you move on and you
achieve just to spite the bastard! The TRUTH, however, one single moment can take away all you
have done - and the TRUTH is you can get a great big hug from your Bug A Boo, and the demons
are shed and you, I can remember the power of love. I can know the TRUTH-yes, something was
taken which no time can replace...yet I survived! I Thrived! I live the TRUTH, maybe it won't
set me free but love will...this is TRUTH!

Friends

Our families are ours, most of the time, because we are born into them. In my case my family was given to me because Mommie & Daddy Pat had great big hearts. Rosie, Poopy Sister, Scotty, & Greg became my brothers & sisters. Biologically I had my sister Linda, two cousins, Aunt Norma & uncle Chuck-and of course my beloved Little Gram & Grandpa Stewart. However, my family-for me were the aunts, uncles, and cousins given to me by Mommie & Daddy Pat. Then there is the family we create-those people whom become our friends, and over time become our family. Yesterday I spent with my biological father, Daddy Larry-and my family of friends, Eileen, Frank, Linda, & June. Eileen has been my family forever-Linda, June, and I have been family since middle school. Sometimes I feel so humbled by the gift these individuals have given me. Although my life began with the death of my biological mother, God has given me so much. I don't know if it has been his way to balance my life scale. Next week my Bug A Boo and her husband are coming to town-I just can't wait to see her! I can't wait to see my sister in-law, Wanda and her husband Frank. I want to spend some time with my cousin Sean and his family. When I return to CA, I have my family of Liz & Emily. Lynn and Annalee, Shellye, Debbie, Sandy, and of course my Donald. Last night I saw Mr. Cring. He taught at Franklin Academy. I don't remember how our life paths crossed-I can tell you Mr. Cring has loved and supported me for over 30 years. He gave me a job as a popcorn hawker, promoted me to head hawker-the only female ever to hold that position, when the big!quake of 1994 hit LA, he sent money to help me out. He has written me letters of recommendations which have left me crying and wondering if he was writing about someone else. We have a biological family and a family of love. Isn't that just amazing? Life is amazing, isn't it? We open our eyes and see beauty everywhere. We feel love and we give love-all of it picking us up, carrying us, holding us, warming us, and supporting us. How does that happen? Last night I saw a sooting star-I didn't make a wish, instead I said "thank you." I have so many wonderful, special, intelligent family & friends. Life is a a roller coaster...certainly, it gives us ups and downs...and life gives us family and friends who ride that coaster with us. We are never alone, we are given love-and love really does lift us up! Love really can hold us and give us strength we did not know we possessed. Love heals us, guides us, makes us laugh, makes us cry-love is amazing. Though we cannot truly define love. We know it when we feel it, but we seldom find words to adequately express the depth of our love. All I know, and I know this for certain-love allows us, empowers us, carries us, and makes us strong! Love is the great equalizer-can't live without love-I reckon love is what fills all the gaps. Amazing isn't it?

The Fair

If you did not grow up in Malone, you won't get the fair at all. For those who grew up in Malone there tends to be two categories; those who love the fair and those who hate the fair. Yes there are the carnies-the folks who manage the rides and the rip off games...now when we lived above the laundry mat, the carnies came in to wash their clothes-so we got to know them a little more than most folks. You know what? They were just folks like each of us. They were not all drug addicts or drunks, they were not all people running from the law. Some were married folks with children and had chosen the carnie life because it was fun! They enjoyed the travel, seeing different parts of the country, the "carnie family." some were young folks who climbed aboard the carnie truck from some small town because life on the road was more than life had to offer in their home town. To generalize, to assume that being a carnie automatically placed you in the "skuzzball" category is to say all politicians are corrupt. We can't generalize any group of people, at least we shouldn't-there are good and bad in every group. I love the fair! I always have. I started hawking popcorn when I was in the 8th grade. Up and down those grandstand steps, I had some strong calves. For many folks in Malone the fair is their vacation. They save all year just for that one week of rides, food, and grandstand shows. Could their money be better spent? Well who among us doesn't have a guilty pleasure, spending money on something we could go without. If you walk the fairgrounds on a brisk August evening you are bound to see most everybody you know-except for those who avoid the fair like the plague. Isn't it fun just to eat some cotton candy, spin a few times on a cheesy ride, have some hot sausage with "the works", watch a horse race or a has been country act? There is something grand about escaping the everyday, just be a kid looking at blue ribbon apple pies, and blue ribbon cows, even blue ribbon goats. Yes, there is dirt everywhere, and babies don't belong there, and some folk act stupid...isn't that just a microcosm of life? I reckon you can find good and bad anywhere, depends what your looking for. No one can argue against Frenchy's Fried Dough or Jo Jo's hot sausage! Demolition derby, people intentionally smashing up cars-that is some good therapy! Those who don't care for the fair will never see the little girl on her show pony trotting on the inner ring-they won't hear the harness jockeys mumbling obscenities toward one another, they won't appreciate the 12 hour days a carnie works or the hundreds of volunteers who work at the various food stands...and nothing I say will convince them otherwise. The Franklin County Fair is "The Event" of the year-your either in or your out-I'll be there, just a big kid enjoying the
sights and sounds of people who escape for a day or two, those who travel from town to town-
the haters can stay away-more for me! However if you haven't been in a while, give it a whirl-
you never know, you might just like a blooming onion or a tractor pull!

What We Don't Know

That always confused me when someone said what we don't know won't hurt us. It simply is not true! WharT we dont know is quite capable of hurting us. For example if you don't know what poison ivy looks like, then pick up a whole bunch of it, well by golly that is going to hurt you. You will be itching for days. If your taking a final exam, and don't know the answers, that will hurt! If you forget, thereby not know, your debit card pin number well that can be a royal pain. I pay for most everything with my debit card. One time I forgot my pin number and my account was licked. Had to call the bank, answer all those questions, then wait three days for a new card to arrive. Just stayed home for three days, 'cause without my card what could I do? Then when I received my card I had to change many an account number on bills that are directly taken via my debit card...see, not knowing can be a real pain. Speaking of pain-what if you don't know you broke your finger? Then when the pain finally forces you to the Dr. They have to re real your finger because it set wrong. That not knowing business, no I think what you don't know sure can hurt you! Ignorance, that can be "not knowing." with this being the prelude period for 2012 elections, not knowing is a huge problem! People who don't know, or are ignorant about many important issues-well when they vote their "not knowing" can hurt a lot of other people. In CA, TV commercials are created which make it appear that if gay folks are allowed to marry, then straight folks will be struck by lightning-not literally, close though...so in a state known for it's liberal & diverse population, gay marriage is not allowed. Then a state such as Iowa votes to allow all citizens to marry-the difference between the two states is knowledge. Knowledge is power! Now if you don't know your shirt is buttoned crooked and no one tells you, you look silly all day. Then when you discover your mis-buttoning you feel silly. Knowing is better. That is just the way it is. Ignorance is not bliss, it is dangerous. So if you know stuff, you should share that stuff with other folks. NBC has that tag line: "The More You Know." that appears correct, doesn't it? The more we know the better off we are. Our knowing, and sharing what we know, that's the ticket. So we must not fear sharing our knowledge because keeping it a secret can hurt not only us, but it can hurt others. Just font act like a "know it all." share without being condescending. You can do it. If we all share what we know as truth, well I reckon we can help each other a whole lot. And for goodness sake, if I have a big piece of broccoli stuck between my front teeth tell me, please don't let me go grinning like a nummy-nut with broccoli stuck there making me look sillier than I already do!

Summer's End

It is the beginning of summer's end. The fair is the first sign. The chill in the morning air is yet another sign. My return date to CA has been set. Back to school commercials fill the TV airways. Today is Michelle's birthday, tomorrow Trish, and then mine rolls around. A year ago today I started a great downward spiral. The toll of my leg injury and the beginning of this head problem...insert all your jokes here! Truth be told I am surprised I am still around. I awake each morning giddy with life. Each day is a greater gift than the one before. Now, I truly understand the power and gift of each day. With my future so uncertain, I must remain in the moment. The enormity of uncertainty is too great to contemplate. What I know, and what I feel with such humble gratitude is the love of my family and friends. Every time life tossed me another boulder, someone stepped in to help me catch it. I don't believe there is any greater feeling than love! Knowing, truly feeling, seeing, holding love in your heart -WOW! Though I know I have never walked alone, this past year has brought me a depth of comprehension, the likes of which I have never known! I truly hope every person has the opportunity to know and feel all I have over the past year. We meander through our days, doing the tasks required by life, and we are happy or satisfied. We do what we should, fulfill our obligations-when we have a break, vacation, a respite from our routine we are grateful. We celebrate holidays, birthdays, & anniversaries. There is more though. It is all the quiet moments in between when we can find the greatest of gifts. Through my climb, I have been given sight, I have been filled with love, I have been blanketed with kindness. People have opened their hearts, allowing love to flow forth, enveloping me in a cocoon of hope and filled my soul with a promise of love. Too say I may have learned all of this without the mountain climbing-well that may well be true-however, life is what it is...I hope my depth of understanding, my ability to see what is not visible, the power of love & the gift of faith-yes, perhaps I would have arrived here anyway-I arrived! This is what matters! I arrived carried by love and support given to me by so many. While I could not begin to repay, I can promise you this...everyday I am given I will celebrate! Everyday I am given I will offer the best of myself! Each day I will live so you will be proud of me, & I will fight with all my might to live a life so when you think of me you will smile! Then, when my time here is expired...well, then still when you think of me you will smile-you will know how each of you lifted up a broken person and put her together better than she could have ever dreamed of
being. If at the end of each of our lives-if we can look back, knowing we really made a
difference, well by golly, then our life was well lived-so to each of you who take the time to read my ramblings...I say to you: Thank you! Each of you are embedded in my being. Every step
I take, every breath I take, every moment I live - all of it has been a joyous journey on
which each of you have carried me! Thank you, thank you, and thank you! I am still fighting,
and I will not stop moving forward with hope! Wherever I go, I'll take you with me! That was
Mommie's best song - "My love wherever I go, I take you with me." hang on though, 'cause I am
just starting to live!

I've been thinking

This is my 48th year of life, that is a good long time and despite what many might say I have learned a few things. I have learned that you don't burn bridges. It is not a good practice. Today what makes you angry, tomorrow you won't remember. Also, it is best not to grab onto every new shiny thing you see. Don't be afraid to try new things but don't rush to judgement. This is especially true of people. Most people can fake the funk for a while, therefore it is best to be cautious yet optimistic when meeting new people. For the most part people are good. Yet, lasting friendships are rare gifts. Hold on to those who have stuck by you through thick and thin. I believe in love at first sight yet I also believe humans are not monotonous creatures. We get what we expect. If you expect failure that is what you will get. I don't think anyone plots ways to hurt me. Though we all get hurt. There is a price to pay for everything. We have to decide if the price is worth the possibility of the pain. The more we open our hearts the more love we let in, conversely the more we love the greater the chance for loss. Take the chance, love is one thing worth any price. Accept apologies. Hanging on to anger only hurts you. Accept the gifts people offer, all gifts should be cherished. We are not perfect. Expecting others to meet some ideal we have in our minds will only leave us disappointed. I believe people do their best and that is good enough. Let go of what you can't change. And there is little we can change so learning to let go is important. Hang on to the people who make you laugh. Laughter really is good medicine. Don't spend time asking "Why me?". Why not me? Each of us will have to carry our share of rocks. I can change how I perceive a situation. That gives me the ability to find good everywhere. Food should be cooked. A pair of comfortable shoes are priceless! Putting off until tomorrow that which can be done today, is OK. Especially vacuuming and dusting. Love freely. Don't be afraid, give it a try. Be grateful for what you have instead of lamenting over what you don't have. Be happy when someone else has good fortune. Don't ask why. There is no answer to that question. Sometimes badbthings happen to good people and sometimes bad people have the best luck. Can't explain it or understand it so why try. Be the best you. That will always suffice. Don't stop growing. Inside of each of us is an even better us, keep working to get that better you out into the sunshine. Slip on shoes are a good idea. Yes, morning people are often hard to tolerate-just smile and nod. Your mother was right when she told you "If you don't have anything good to say be quiet." everyday offers you an opportunity to do better, challenge yourself. Sometimes it is going to hurt, the hurt does go away-you decide how long the pain remains. Have more than one guilty pleasure. Share yourself with others. You never know when your kind smile or friendly hello is the difference in someone else's day. Eat dessert first. Then vegetables. Pie is a food group. Ice cream is always a good idea. Dont be afraid to ask, but never ask unless you are positive you want to hear the answer! Laugh, love, and don't worry about an extra pound. Be your best you. Share what you have, accept what others offer, thank God before you go to sleep, and remember you are not perfect. Forgive yourself, ice cream helps.