Christmas

When we were little girls living on Franklin Street - Christmas was, well it was magic. The day after Thanksgiving we all went to select a tree, down at the fairgrounds, they sold them there then. Picking a tree was an all day event. The poor dude who had to lift, shake, and turn every tree in the lot until Mommie found the perfect tree - Then the tree had to spend the night in the garage. The next morning if the branches had not fallen correctly we were back to the Fairgrounds to find another tree. On a couple of occasions the branches fell correctly and the tree was allowed in the house. Once the tree warmed it had to undergo further inspection - still not too late to kick it to the curb. One year, after the tree was decorated Mommie was not pleased. The tree must go. So we took off the decorations, donated the tree to a family with none, and off we went in search of a better one. Mommie took Christmas to heart - she started shopping in July. Then she would stash gifts everywhere. More than once she forgot where - There was not a speck of the house, inside or out left untouched by her Christmas spirit. She loved Christmas! Us four girls would prepare a Christmas program. On Christmas Eve, the adults would go from house to house for a cup of Christmas cheer - when they arrived at our house, Rosie, Linda, Aldona Mae and I would sing a few Christmas songs. Then the adults would leave and we would finish their drinks - OK, that wasn't the smartest thing but we were kids. One year Linda drank too much egg nog - she projectile vomited unto the black and pink tile in the bathroom, I have not touched egg nog since, that memory has both visual and smell effects (I know there is a technical word for smell memories I just can't think of it, which goes to another medical word about forgetting, alas, I can't remember that either) I can tell you I do not know what possessed Daddy Pat to put pink and black tile on the walls of the bathroom - seeing egg nog run down that black tile, well - that memory sticks! One time after we finished the leftovers, no point in wasting, we decided to go outside sledding. On the North side of the house was a two foot hill, which at the time appeared much bigger - we had those red snow sleds with the yellow handles, well Rosie took off flying, missed a left and gashed her head on the corner of the house - brick house - it was a nasty gash on her forehead....we were not At all concerned about her health, we feared Christmas would be cancelled if we could not come up with a plausible explanation for this gash - We four, collectively, sobered up in a quick minute - Rosie's severe injury resulted when she was unplugging the Christmas lights around the fireplace. Problem solved, though I reckon Rosie was in a good deal of pain. On Christmas Eve, we pushed Rosie and Aldona Mae's twin beds together and the four of us slept, or giggled, or listened attentively for Santa on the roof - all night long...kids always fall asleep, even when they are determined to stay awake. Christmas Morning was simply magical. Mommie and Daddy Pat with a bit of the hair of the dog, and each of us girls unwrapping gift after gift. Seemed no matter how hard the economic times were, Mommie and Daddy Pat found a way to give us exactly what we wished for. Santa existed and we believed. Little Gram always sent a box with gifts for each of us girls - Rosie, Linda and Aldona Mae would get some princess sheets or PJ's, I would get cowboys and Indians - Little Gram knew something - Our biological mother (Linda and I), her mother was still alive, and she sent gifts of German chocolate and trinkets from Germany. That was some really good chocolate. She always included a letter, written in German, which we had no idea how to read - There was a man who went to the Tavern who could read some German, so we had to wait for his translation - We had a big Christmas dinner, staying in our Christmas PJ's all day - then dressing in our Christmas dresses, picture after picture taken with the Kodak camera back when you could look at your picture a few minutes after you took it. On the television, Christmas Eve was Channel 11's Yule Log - a fake log looking thing with Christmas music playing. We had a fireplace with a real fire, the Yule Log was always a must. You can still find the Yule Log on QVC channel Christmas Eve, or at least you could - I know it is out there because I seek it and find it every year. I do believe it is the QVC channel. Magic - Mommie made Christmas a magical event. She made Christmas beautiful, her spirit gave Christmas beauty, peace, joy, laughter - so much. During the Holidays so many feel sadness, or have the Holiday blues - not me. No matter what the circumstance of my life - Christmas is still the magic I remember Mommie creating for us. Linda and I the same as Rosie and Aldona Mae - we were loved and that loved was expressed every day - but Christmas...we were all one and it makes me cry, still today, the joy that day filled me with. I know, I know, revisionist history is what Aldona Mae and Rosie will call my retelling - It is not, Mommie's Christmas spirit was the same her last year on this Earth as it was when I was 4. Mommie's love for her children was so great, from the first breath they took, until the last breath she took - Mommie's desire to give of herself, to give you whatever your heart desired, her spirit of giving - giving because she loved to see the joy on your face - she gave for the purest of reasons, and she believed in Christmas as a magical time when all was possible and that you could indeed, at least for one day, let all the worries set on the back burner, and that you could just for this one day get lost in holding the spirit of love, giving, family and laughter. Mommie believed that, she lived that, she wanted more than anything else to please her children - to give to others - the capacity she had to give of herself, well, Aldona Mae has her mother's spirit for giving - Aldona Mae gives and gives, literally she has given the coat off her back to someone who needed it more than she - and no matter the circumstances during which she is living - Christmas is still a magical time when all is suspended for the beauty and joy of giving - And now Aldona Mae creates that magic for Jessica Rose, and seeing it, having the privilege to be witness to it - well, it brings me back to seeing Mommie - because if nothing else, Aldona Mae has become Mommie - How lucky I am; Mommie and Aldona Mae give to others for givings' sake, how magnificent! And neither of them, Mommie or Poopy, truly realize the gift they give me for allowing me to share in their spirit of giving and Christmas - There are times when I wish I had ten sisters and brothers and every year we all assembled at our family compound for Christmas, and there were 40 grandchildren and cousins, and nieces and nephews - but that is not the life I was given - I was blessed to know love, to feel love, to be witness to the power of love - and I lost too many people when I was way too young; yet, I not only survived, I thrived; I thrived because Mommie held me and loved me, because Rosie and Poopy call me their sister, because for my entire life my best friend has always been Eileen - because I had Little Gram and I met God. There is so much for which I am thankful for - so much which I was given and allowed me to head tomorrow to Texas to spend Christmas with Poopy - No matter, should this be my last Christmas or the first of the next fifty Christmas's - it will become the most special - and though I wish I was going to be with Emily and Liz this Christmas - and I wish Rosie, Linda and Aldona Mae and I could all be together - I only wish for a moment, then as my heart fills with love, with such wonderful memories, as my spirit is lifted above the circumstances of today - I am transported back to a chilly November jaunt around the Fairgrounds, seeking perfection in a tree, walking with Mommie and feeling sorry for the poor dude who had to lift, shake, and turn every tree on the lot - the tree was only a symbol - the spirit of Christmas, giving - well, from the moment I took my first breath I have been given love - and when I take my last breath, I will leave here and go home to love - So, yes Eileen, I am little Tiny Tim Lisa, because though I have bent I have not broke - and now, here, today - I blessed because I know that love does prevail, and it cures, and it gives us strength we never knew we had - and I know love is life, and I know I am loved. For each of you, celebrate life, celebrate the gifts you have, your family, your friends, your lovers and partners, significant others - and for a few days, let go of the circumstances - and feel the magic, close your eyes and feel the magic - it is right here! Jesus gave us his life, in return he only asks we give of ourselves, it isn't the presents under the tree, it is the spirit in your heart which brought the gift to the tree - and the joy you feel in the giving - One day I was born, and my mother died, and then I was born again because Mommie and Daddy Pat loved me - Christmas, oh how wonderful!
God Bless you all, keep you safe, and may you feel the magic!

Eileen you can skip this one....

On my way home from work I listen to the NY City ESPN - I really enjoy the thick accents, the "r's" where they don't belong, and the passion. NY fans have a passion for their teams. If you are a Yankee fan you don't like Boston or the Mets - Jets fans don't like the Giants...The nerve of the Giants - they let the Dolphins practice in the Giant practice facility - then the Dolphins beat the Jets and the Giant fans just thought that was so great! Well it was not great, but man it is funny - listening to the people who call in. The announcers speak with equal passion, as much as they try to hide their "homerism." It all just amuses me so much - it also keeps me informed regarding my favorite teams, since out here they only talk about the Lakers. Really, the Lakers and that is about it. It use to be the Lakers and USC football - however, turned out USC Football was all smoke and mirrors with shady characters, and the golden coach was really into green - so he took the money and ran. Rules, NCAA, what? They don't apply to USC - We are Hollywood, movie stars and bright lights - we have no time for silly rules. USC is the only football in LA and they knew it. They were treated like a pro team because they were the only team here - only problem, USC is a college. Pete Carroll is a wuss! He knew they program was going down and he jumped ship so quick - I lost all respect for him. Like he cares if I respect him. So, here in LA - it is the Lakers, the Lakers, and the Lakers. BORING! I don't like the Lakers, I can't - I like Boston - back in the Bird/Magic era...those were good days. Barkley in Philly! Darn, we don't have rivalries like that anymore. In LA, there are no rivalries. This is the problem. Oh sure the Clippers and Lakers share the Staples center - big deal - the Clippers have not been relevant since...well they have never been relevant. It is good for basketball to have the Knicks relevant. Really it is, and you have to hand it to Stoudamire, he went to NY and became the player he always said he was. He said that Phoenix was holding him back and sure enough they were - Last night losing that game to the Celtics, the ball was clearly in his hand - what a great game though! I don't like Bellicheck and it just burns my hide that NE is playing the best football anyone has played since Indy was 13 - 0 last season. I'll give it to that two-timing, child abandoning, get your hair cut already Brady - he can throw the ball and make anyone look good. And you have to give NE credit for picking up football players. They have football players in NE - I'll give him that. They have football players and Brady - When we were young we watched a lot of hockey. You can't even find hockey on TV, I think it is on the VS channel. I don't get the VS channel. Kings and Ducks, they have a fan base, it is small. Hockey just doesn't work when it is 95 degrees in December. Saw some leaves falling off a tree yesterday - fall is here. It is a good time of year though - sports speaking, and of course who doesn't love the spirit of Christmas - sure presents are cool - but people really are nicer, makes you wonder why people are not like that all the time. It is like New Years resolutions, why wait until New Years to resolve to make changes which will benefit you all the year through - Like Nike...Just Do It! Though college bowl games are way too long after the college season ends, 6 weeks before the National Championship game, how silly - College Football needs a major overhaul - And no, a professional football team which finishes under 500 should not have a playoff spot. The best teams should make the playoffs, regardless which division they come from. Take the teams with the best record. Why waste a first round on St. Louis playing anyone - who cares? St. Louis fans don't care because they know their team is going to lose. Please! The Jets are not going to make the playoffs - Sanchez is a USC QB, hate to say I told ya' so, but I told ya' so - QB's from USC do not do well in the pro's. Fact is a fact - can't argue the evidence.  So, anyway, that is all I have to say - Just thinking how much I enjoy sports. I should have been a sports journalist, or a radio jockey - I have a good face for radio...Ha, I crack myself up! Thursday night game tonight, and no one will watch. How sad.

What we learn

When I was in 7th grade I began participating in organized sports. I played softball, soccer, volleyball, and basketball - I would have played tiddly winks if it meant being on  a team. I don't remember a lot about these years of my life - but I do remember wearing my team uniform. I do remember practicing every day, morning or night - it didn't matter - I would practice whenever I could. I was thinking about it last night...about Ms. Baldwin who was my first coach. Living there in such a small town, coaching country bumpkins - She did her job. Ms. Baldwin was good at her job. She was a good coach. You know what made her so good? She found a way to make each of us a part of the team. I was not a gifted athlete. Ms. Baldwin said I was a power forward in a point guards body. Which would have been just fine if I had a point guards moxy. I did not play in very many games. I was a great practice player. That was Ms. Baldwin told me. I contributed to the team because, in practice, I worked my butt off and this forced the "starters" to work harder which made them better. Maybe she was just blowing smoke up my skirt, or shorts as it were, I don't know. Either way it doesn't matter. During a period of my life, of which I can't even recall who I was living with I can remember being on "The Team." I remember Ms. Baldwin took us to a girl's college basketball game. I think it was in Potsdam. There piled in the back of her yellow van an assemblage of girls happy for the excursion. We stopped at a store for snacks. I put in my dollar and asked for a Whatchamacallit candy bar. When the runners had returned they were one item short - my candy bar. For some girls that would be an insignificant long forgotten memory - in my memory it is vivid. It was a minute event which summarized my entire life - I put in my money yet I did not receive my candy bar. Ms. Baldwin offered me a dollar back. I did not want the dollar, didn't really care about the candy bar(it was a new candy bar so it was the rage, only reason I ordered it) For me, being the odd girl out was just reinforcement of my life - I had been the odd girl out since the moment I was born. In not receiving that candy bar I knew I just didn't belong anywhere, not even here on my team, even with the same uniform as my teammates, I was not one of them. I continued to participate in school athletics. If there was a sport to be played you could count me in. I go back to Ms. Baldwin. Who in a small town, where rumors and gossip were served with your morning coffee at the local diner - she remained who she was. When she fell in love with the wife of a teacher - she didn't hide from it and she didn't flaunt it. It was just what it was two people who fell in love. Under such a microscope I don't know if I would have the courage to remain. Ms. Baldwin did. Maybe she knew I was a lost soul - she always said such nice things to me. Even though I was the 12th girl on a 11 person team, I didn't feel slighted - Ms. Baldwin didn't make me feel "less" because I was not as good as the other girls. Shoot, most coaches would probably not spent the time to have me on the team. One time Ms. Baldwin told me the leader of a team is not always the player with the most ability, the leader of the team is often the player with the most heart. She thought I had heart, she said I was scrappy. That was such a compliment - it still is - in sports vernacular a "scrappy" player works harder, longer, and pushes farther than their ability. A "scrappy" player is the first one in and the last one to leave. A "scrappy" player plays the last 30 seconds of a blowout loss for all it is worth because that is their only playing time. Without a lick of self esteem, and a years I can't even remember I cherish Ms. Baldwin and what she gave me. I was scrappy. I got back up. I worked for the rebound. I took on the big girls and I emerged from the pile. Even when I did not get my candy bar I stilled showed up. To wear the uniform, to belong - And now, looking back on it all, thinking about Ms. Baldwin - because she died much too young from breast cancer - and Elizabeth Edwards passed away yesterday much too young from breast cancer - and my Mommie left much too early from breast cancer - See what Ms. Baldwin taught me, what she gave me, what she gave all of us - a place to belong. A memory we won't lose, an opportunity to be good, in whatever way we were good. Riding the pine(Eileen, that means I didn't get to play in games) just in giving me that she gave me a seat at the table. OK, it was a seat at the end of the table, a seat none the less. As I grew older, I did get better. I think I started one game in all my years of basketball playing for Ms. Baldwin - maybe two. She did give me some minutes though - every game I had a few minutes. "Stewart" she would call out and point to the score's table. WOW! In the game, me, WOW! I belonged. In life we are not always able to see a gift as we are receiving it. As with Ms. Baldwin, it was a spiral thought, a night I didn't sleep because Elizabeth Edwards has three young children who will have to grow up without their mother - that my friends is  a really hard thing to do. One shouldn't covet they neighbors goods - I will say without hesitation I envy every person my age who still has their Mom. We should have our Mom's a long time - if we don't though. If God needs more angels in heaven - and takes our Mom's - then he gives us other people, people like Ms. Baldwin, who stood with her head held high, a woman who always put the player before the victory - someone who gave me an adjective to aspire to; "scrappy." I am still scrappy. Not the best player on the team, and I still don't remember where I lived or who I was living with - and I am at a real crossroads right now - a place in life when I wish I had my Mommie to talk to - but I don't. That is life. So this bench warmer, undersized power forward, this "scrappy" practice player looks around and realizes for my entire life the gifts have flowed upon me - one of those gifts came in the form of Ms. Baldwin and her allowing me the privilege of wearing the uniform. She gave me a place to belong. She gave me an identity. She did leave us much too young. We need to find a cure for breast cancer. We have to. Little girls should not grow up without their Mommie's. And sometimes, us big girls, sometimes, we need our Mommie's too. This fork in the road - this place I am at - I sure would like to talk to Mommie about it. She would know what to do, and if she didn't she would still make me feel better - I do envy people who still have their Mommie's - Yet, I know the blessings of so many wonderful women - Thanks Ms. Baldwin.

What's The Point?

See I don't understand why "The System" changes itself for the purpose of changing - I don't mind change - Oh, sure at first I may balk and cry a bit, but that is just human nature...for the most part I am all for change. I move furniture as much as most people change their clothes. I like to view the same space from different perspectives. In my classroom I like to move my desk around. If the mojo in the room is getting negative, sometimes a little Feng Shui (is that how it is spelled) well, changing the furniture around makes a big difference. It brings a fresh perspective to the situation - and sometimes when we view a problem in a different light the solution is evident. What was once obscured becomes obvious. Changing the position of my bed gives me a new room. Sure, I know it is the same room and I am only moving things not really changing them - However, in my mind changing the arrangement of furniture changes how I see the room so the room becomes "new" for me. It's not like we can move every three months - though I do believe my family moved almost that often when I was a young'un. One time I tried to drive down every street we lived on in Malone, but I forgot or I got lost, or maybe it just became a boring endeavor - Aldona Mae thinks she has moved 43 times in 43 years - it wasn't quite that much, but it was a lot. Aldona Mae's exemplary packing skills are a result of her organizational abilities not practice making perfect. I don't necessarily enjoy change everywhere - I don't like new shoes. New shoes are not comfortable - I do not like to get my hair cut - no sireeeeee - getting my hair cut is not change I like - Changing the color of my hair, that's cool (yes, with the exception of the oompa loompa red I had this past spring, that was pretty awful) When the seasons change, that is nice - Even here in So Cal, there is a noticeable change of the seasons, and it is nice. Now fall is around. It is colder and the leaves do change colors and fall to the ground. Do you think fall earned its name from the falling leaves? I wonder how the seasons were named. Spring because things spring up - I don't know the etymology (is that the right word) for summer - is it Greek for hot and winter Latin for cold - However, if you think about it - Some areas have no noticeable change in temperature from summer to winter so they would not name summer because it was hotter than winter - In the desert there are no trees, so do they have fall? Shucks, this has opened a whole new line of thinking...my mind can meander to such places - how funny. The change which prompted my original thought is the one LAUSD has made in the report card system. The previous system worked just fine. Though somewhat time intensive, it served it's purpose - What came before the one before that I don't remember - but the last system was just fine - Now they have changed the system of reporting grades. I don't like this change. The first reason I don't like the change is because I am not able to find the link to log on to the system so I can enter my grades - and they are due tomorrow. A system which is so convoluted it prevents me from even getting into it - well, I figure that is not a great system. The previous system had a link, you logged on, you entered your grades, you entered some numbers which would translate to words in the comment section, you printed out the report, you turned it in, someone signed it, and that was that - Well, actually after your report was signed you were given one copy of report cards for use during parent conferences - there was a flaw there because you need two copies of the report cards, one for the parent and one for the cum. Since we are not allowed to use the copy machine, making another copy was a chore - When they made one copy to give us, why wouldn't they just press 2? How much harder would that be? That is another issue - yet, a place where change would be a good idea. Now we have a new system and I cannot find the link to sign into it and I can't do my report cards and they are due tomorrow - did I mention they are due tomorrow? No, I did not put it off until the last minute. I have been trying to figure it out for a week now. Sometimes I am like a man lost on a road trip - I won't stop and ask for directions. Tomorrow I will have to ask for directions - eeeeee, I don't like that. First, it will give the appearance of having put off the assignment until the last minute (which is not the case). Second, I don't even know who to ask. I reckon a fellow teacher is my best bet. If I had my phone list I could call someone tonight and maybe they could tell me where to go - to go to sign on Eileen, not where to go as in "Bite Me!" That is a funny expression you have there - you use the expression as a voice of displeasure towards someone else, yet if you think about it - should someone actually follow through and "bite you" you would be the one in pain. You might rethink using that expression, unless of course there is a side of you I do not want to know about who is into the whole biting thing - get that picture out of my head - quick! Think about saying F you to someone - is that an invitation? Some might take it as such - what would one do if the invitation was accepted? Maybe we should not say that anymore. I don't like the F word anyway - just something about that word, it bothers me...I reckon I am just a prude - I read somewhere it is best to say "Thank-you" when trying to express displeasure - that seems odd - but you should try it - like if someone is being rude or ranting and you just say "Thank-you." Out of habit they respond your welcome and everyone leaves happy. I do that. Sometimes someone is going on and on and on about some inane thing - then when they pause for a breath I say; "Thank-you." Most of the time they say; "Your welcome." Then they smile and walk away. I wonder if they wonder why they are saying your welcome and if the subsequent wondering causes them to forget what it was they were ranting about in the first place.Or maybe they feel good about themselves because they said your welcome which would indicate they did something nice and they feel good about doing something nice - I don't know who thought of it but I recommend trying it - just for kicks - you know what else you should do? Which would be more difficult for those living in cold climates on slippery roads - when you get the chance though - roll your window down and turn the radio up and drive a few miles above the posted speed limit and sing really loud - I don't have electric windows or I would roll down all of my windows - I just roll down the driver's window and the wind blows my hair all about (which doesn't even matter to me) It is invigorating, really it is. Even if it is cold, just crank the heat and let the fresh air circulate through your brain - I like that. It is fun! Shucks, I have to figure out this whole report card system - they changed a perfectly functioning system and now I can't use the new and improved system - that makes no sense. Tie up sneakers were just fine, then they made slip ons and then those Velcro strap sneakers - those Velcro strap sneakers really make me mad! Do we need to lower our expectations any lower? Are parents so pressed for time they cannot teach their children to tie their shoes. Learning to tie your shoes is a wonderful accomplishment. As a toddler, that first time you tie your own shoes - that is a big milestone - I remember how proud I was. Now kids pull the Velcro strap, Whoopee! Let's have a party, Lisa pulled a Velcro strap. Please sneakers with shoe laces worked just fine for a gazillion years, leave it alone! When LAUSD lost federal funding because they had too many teachers working on Emergency Permits they changed the name of the permit - Changing the name of the document will not make the classroom teacher any more qualified to teach - that cracks me up. Lower the bar hoping to fool people into believing you have raised the bar - probably sad really because it works. "Oh these teachers are working on intern credentials not emergency credentials so they are really much better teachers." Intern sounds more intelligent than emergency so the federal government said OK. Everyone was happy. How silly isn't it? How can they cut off unemployment benefits23 days before Christmas? That is wrong! Perhaps they could have waited just one more month. Cut off the benefits in January - at least allow people the holiday season before they become homeless. I'm just saying wouldn't that have been a more thoughtful thing to do? Ah, no one listens to me.
Probably best, especially on nights like tonight when I am unable to complete my report cards due to the new system - Oh, and June - what's up for Monday? Your Pats going to beat up my poor little Jets? Yeah, your right they probably will. Somehow the Jets have been winning but they have been playing for crap - I don't know how they have arrived at a 9 -2 record - smoke and mirrors. Alright, I gotta go figure out how to use this new and improved system.