Christmas

When we were little girls living on Franklin Street - Christmas was, well it was magic. The day after Thanksgiving we all went to select a tree, down at the fairgrounds, they sold them there then. Picking a tree was an all day event. The poor dude who had to lift, shake, and turn every tree in the lot until Mommie found the perfect tree - Then the tree had to spend the night in the garage. The next morning if the branches had not fallen correctly we were back to the Fairgrounds to find another tree. On a couple of occasions the branches fell correctly and the tree was allowed in the house. Once the tree warmed it had to undergo further inspection - still not too late to kick it to the curb. One year, after the tree was decorated Mommie was not pleased. The tree must go. So we took off the decorations, donated the tree to a family with none, and off we went in search of a better one. Mommie took Christmas to heart - she started shopping in July. Then she would stash gifts everywhere. More than once she forgot where - There was not a speck of the house, inside or out left untouched by her Christmas spirit. She loved Christmas! Us four girls would prepare a Christmas program. On Christmas Eve, the adults would go from house to house for a cup of Christmas cheer - when they arrived at our house, Rosie, Linda, Aldona Mae and I would sing a few Christmas songs. Then the adults would leave and we would finish their drinks - OK, that wasn't the smartest thing but we were kids. One year Linda drank too much egg nog - she projectile vomited unto the black and pink tile in the bathroom, I have not touched egg nog since, that memory has both visual and smell effects (I know there is a technical word for smell memories I just can't think of it, which goes to another medical word about forgetting, alas, I can't remember that either) I can tell you I do not know what possessed Daddy Pat to put pink and black tile on the walls of the bathroom - seeing egg nog run down that black tile, well - that memory sticks! One time after we finished the leftovers, no point in wasting, we decided to go outside sledding. On the North side of the house was a two foot hill, which at the time appeared much bigger - we had those red snow sleds with the yellow handles, well Rosie took off flying, missed a left and gashed her head on the corner of the house - brick house - it was a nasty gash on her forehead....we were not At all concerned about her health, we feared Christmas would be cancelled if we could not come up with a plausible explanation for this gash - We four, collectively, sobered up in a quick minute - Rosie's severe injury resulted when she was unplugging the Christmas lights around the fireplace. Problem solved, though I reckon Rosie was in a good deal of pain. On Christmas Eve, we pushed Rosie and Aldona Mae's twin beds together and the four of us slept, or giggled, or listened attentively for Santa on the roof - all night long...kids always fall asleep, even when they are determined to stay awake. Christmas Morning was simply magical. Mommie and Daddy Pat with a bit of the hair of the dog, and each of us girls unwrapping gift after gift. Seemed no matter how hard the economic times were, Mommie and Daddy Pat found a way to give us exactly what we wished for. Santa existed and we believed. Little Gram always sent a box with gifts for each of us girls - Rosie, Linda and Aldona Mae would get some princess sheets or PJ's, I would get cowboys and Indians - Little Gram knew something - Our biological mother (Linda and I), her mother was still alive, and she sent gifts of German chocolate and trinkets from Germany. That was some really good chocolate. She always included a letter, written in German, which we had no idea how to read - There was a man who went to the Tavern who could read some German, so we had to wait for his translation - We had a big Christmas dinner, staying in our Christmas PJ's all day - then dressing in our Christmas dresses, picture after picture taken with the Kodak camera back when you could look at your picture a few minutes after you took it. On the television, Christmas Eve was Channel 11's Yule Log - a fake log looking thing with Christmas music playing. We had a fireplace with a real fire, the Yule Log was always a must. You can still find the Yule Log on QVC channel Christmas Eve, or at least you could - I know it is out there because I seek it and find it every year. I do believe it is the QVC channel. Magic - Mommie made Christmas a magical event. She made Christmas beautiful, her spirit gave Christmas beauty, peace, joy, laughter - so much. During the Holidays so many feel sadness, or have the Holiday blues - not me. No matter what the circumstance of my life - Christmas is still the magic I remember Mommie creating for us. Linda and I the same as Rosie and Aldona Mae - we were loved and that loved was expressed every day - but Christmas...we were all one and it makes me cry, still today, the joy that day filled me with. I know, I know, revisionist history is what Aldona Mae and Rosie will call my retelling - It is not, Mommie's Christmas spirit was the same her last year on this Earth as it was when I was 4. Mommie's love for her children was so great, from the first breath they took, until the last breath she took - Mommie's desire to give of herself, to give you whatever your heart desired, her spirit of giving - giving because she loved to see the joy on your face - she gave for the purest of reasons, and she believed in Christmas as a magical time when all was possible and that you could indeed, at least for one day, let all the worries set on the back burner, and that you could just for this one day get lost in holding the spirit of love, giving, family and laughter. Mommie believed that, she lived that, she wanted more than anything else to please her children - to give to others - the capacity she had to give of herself, well, Aldona Mae has her mother's spirit for giving - Aldona Mae gives and gives, literally she has given the coat off her back to someone who needed it more than she - and no matter the circumstances during which she is living - Christmas is still a magical time when all is suspended for the beauty and joy of giving - And now Aldona Mae creates that magic for Jessica Rose, and seeing it, having the privilege to be witness to it - well, it brings me back to seeing Mommie - because if nothing else, Aldona Mae has become Mommie - How lucky I am; Mommie and Aldona Mae give to others for givings' sake, how magnificent! And neither of them, Mommie or Poopy, truly realize the gift they give me for allowing me to share in their spirit of giving and Christmas - There are times when I wish I had ten sisters and brothers and every year we all assembled at our family compound for Christmas, and there were 40 grandchildren and cousins, and nieces and nephews - but that is not the life I was given - I was blessed to know love, to feel love, to be witness to the power of love - and I lost too many people when I was way too young; yet, I not only survived, I thrived; I thrived because Mommie held me and loved me, because Rosie and Poopy call me their sister, because for my entire life my best friend has always been Eileen - because I had Little Gram and I met God. There is so much for which I am thankful for - so much which I was given and allowed me to head tomorrow to Texas to spend Christmas with Poopy - No matter, should this be my last Christmas or the first of the next fifty Christmas's - it will become the most special - and though I wish I was going to be with Emily and Liz this Christmas - and I wish Rosie, Linda and Aldona Mae and I could all be together - I only wish for a moment, then as my heart fills with love, with such wonderful memories, as my spirit is lifted above the circumstances of today - I am transported back to a chilly November jaunt around the Fairgrounds, seeking perfection in a tree, walking with Mommie and feeling sorry for the poor dude who had to lift, shake, and turn every tree on the lot - the tree was only a symbol - the spirit of Christmas, giving - well, from the moment I took my first breath I have been given love - and when I take my last breath, I will leave here and go home to love - So, yes Eileen, I am little Tiny Tim Lisa, because though I have bent I have not broke - and now, here, today - I blessed because I know that love does prevail, and it cures, and it gives us strength we never knew we had - and I know love is life, and I know I am loved. For each of you, celebrate life, celebrate the gifts you have, your family, your friends, your lovers and partners, significant others - and for a few days, let go of the circumstances - and feel the magic, close your eyes and feel the magic - it is right here! Jesus gave us his life, in return he only asks we give of ourselves, it isn't the presents under the tree, it is the spirit in your heart which brought the gift to the tree - and the joy you feel in the giving - One day I was born, and my mother died, and then I was born again because Mommie and Daddy Pat loved me - Christmas, oh how wonderful!
God Bless you all, keep you safe, and may you feel the magic!

Eileen you can skip this one....

On my way home from work I listen to the NY City ESPN - I really enjoy the thick accents, the "r's" where they don't belong, and the passion. NY fans have a passion for their teams. If you are a Yankee fan you don't like Boston or the Mets - Jets fans don't like the Giants...The nerve of the Giants - they let the Dolphins practice in the Giant practice facility - then the Dolphins beat the Jets and the Giant fans just thought that was so great! Well it was not great, but man it is funny - listening to the people who call in. The announcers speak with equal passion, as much as they try to hide their "homerism." It all just amuses me so much - it also keeps me informed regarding my favorite teams, since out here they only talk about the Lakers. Really, the Lakers and that is about it. It use to be the Lakers and USC football - however, turned out USC Football was all smoke and mirrors with shady characters, and the golden coach was really into green - so he took the money and ran. Rules, NCAA, what? They don't apply to USC - We are Hollywood, movie stars and bright lights - we have no time for silly rules. USC is the only football in LA and they knew it. They were treated like a pro team because they were the only team here - only problem, USC is a college. Pete Carroll is a wuss! He knew they program was going down and he jumped ship so quick - I lost all respect for him. Like he cares if I respect him. So, here in LA - it is the Lakers, the Lakers, and the Lakers. BORING! I don't like the Lakers, I can't - I like Boston - back in the Bird/Magic era...those were good days. Barkley in Philly! Darn, we don't have rivalries like that anymore. In LA, there are no rivalries. This is the problem. Oh sure the Clippers and Lakers share the Staples center - big deal - the Clippers have not been relevant since...well they have never been relevant. It is good for basketball to have the Knicks relevant. Really it is, and you have to hand it to Stoudamire, he went to NY and became the player he always said he was. He said that Phoenix was holding him back and sure enough they were - Last night losing that game to the Celtics, the ball was clearly in his hand - what a great game though! I don't like Bellicheck and it just burns my hide that NE is playing the best football anyone has played since Indy was 13 - 0 last season. I'll give it to that two-timing, child abandoning, get your hair cut already Brady - he can throw the ball and make anyone look good. And you have to give NE credit for picking up football players. They have football players in NE - I'll give him that. They have football players and Brady - When we were young we watched a lot of hockey. You can't even find hockey on TV, I think it is on the VS channel. I don't get the VS channel. Kings and Ducks, they have a fan base, it is small. Hockey just doesn't work when it is 95 degrees in December. Saw some leaves falling off a tree yesterday - fall is here. It is a good time of year though - sports speaking, and of course who doesn't love the spirit of Christmas - sure presents are cool - but people really are nicer, makes you wonder why people are not like that all the time. It is like New Years resolutions, why wait until New Years to resolve to make changes which will benefit you all the year through - Like Nike...Just Do It! Though college bowl games are way too long after the college season ends, 6 weeks before the National Championship game, how silly - College Football needs a major overhaul - And no, a professional football team which finishes under 500 should not have a playoff spot. The best teams should make the playoffs, regardless which division they come from. Take the teams with the best record. Why waste a first round on St. Louis playing anyone - who cares? St. Louis fans don't care because they know their team is going to lose. Please! The Jets are not going to make the playoffs - Sanchez is a USC QB, hate to say I told ya' so, but I told ya' so - QB's from USC do not do well in the pro's. Fact is a fact - can't argue the evidence.  So, anyway, that is all I have to say - Just thinking how much I enjoy sports. I should have been a sports journalist, or a radio jockey - I have a good face for radio...Ha, I crack myself up! Thursday night game tonight, and no one will watch. How sad.

What we learn

When I was in 7th grade I began participating in organized sports. I played softball, soccer, volleyball, and basketball - I would have played tiddly winks if it meant being on  a team. I don't remember a lot about these years of my life - but I do remember wearing my team uniform. I do remember practicing every day, morning or night - it didn't matter - I would practice whenever I could. I was thinking about it last night...about Ms. Baldwin who was my first coach. Living there in such a small town, coaching country bumpkins - She did her job. Ms. Baldwin was good at her job. She was a good coach. You know what made her so good? She found a way to make each of us a part of the team. I was not a gifted athlete. Ms. Baldwin said I was a power forward in a point guards body. Which would have been just fine if I had a point guards moxy. I did not play in very many games. I was a great practice player. That was Ms. Baldwin told me. I contributed to the team because, in practice, I worked my butt off and this forced the "starters" to work harder which made them better. Maybe she was just blowing smoke up my skirt, or shorts as it were, I don't know. Either way it doesn't matter. During a period of my life, of which I can't even recall who I was living with I can remember being on "The Team." I remember Ms. Baldwin took us to a girl's college basketball game. I think it was in Potsdam. There piled in the back of her yellow van an assemblage of girls happy for the excursion. We stopped at a store for snacks. I put in my dollar and asked for a Whatchamacallit candy bar. When the runners had returned they were one item short - my candy bar. For some girls that would be an insignificant long forgotten memory - in my memory it is vivid. It was a minute event which summarized my entire life - I put in my money yet I did not receive my candy bar. Ms. Baldwin offered me a dollar back. I did not want the dollar, didn't really care about the candy bar(it was a new candy bar so it was the rage, only reason I ordered it) For me, being the odd girl out was just reinforcement of my life - I had been the odd girl out since the moment I was born. In not receiving that candy bar I knew I just didn't belong anywhere, not even here on my team, even with the same uniform as my teammates, I was not one of them. I continued to participate in school athletics. If there was a sport to be played you could count me in. I go back to Ms. Baldwin. Who in a small town, where rumors and gossip were served with your morning coffee at the local diner - she remained who she was. When she fell in love with the wife of a teacher - she didn't hide from it and she didn't flaunt it. It was just what it was two people who fell in love. Under such a microscope I don't know if I would have the courage to remain. Ms. Baldwin did. Maybe she knew I was a lost soul - she always said such nice things to me. Even though I was the 12th girl on a 11 person team, I didn't feel slighted - Ms. Baldwin didn't make me feel "less" because I was not as good as the other girls. Shoot, most coaches would probably not spent the time to have me on the team. One time Ms. Baldwin told me the leader of a team is not always the player with the most ability, the leader of the team is often the player with the most heart. She thought I had heart, she said I was scrappy. That was such a compliment - it still is - in sports vernacular a "scrappy" player works harder, longer, and pushes farther than their ability. A "scrappy" player is the first one in and the last one to leave. A "scrappy" player plays the last 30 seconds of a blowout loss for all it is worth because that is their only playing time. Without a lick of self esteem, and a years I can't even remember I cherish Ms. Baldwin and what she gave me. I was scrappy. I got back up. I worked for the rebound. I took on the big girls and I emerged from the pile. Even when I did not get my candy bar I stilled showed up. To wear the uniform, to belong - And now, looking back on it all, thinking about Ms. Baldwin - because she died much too young from breast cancer - and Elizabeth Edwards passed away yesterday much too young from breast cancer - and my Mommie left much too early from breast cancer - See what Ms. Baldwin taught me, what she gave me, what she gave all of us - a place to belong. A memory we won't lose, an opportunity to be good, in whatever way we were good. Riding the pine(Eileen, that means I didn't get to play in games) just in giving me that she gave me a seat at the table. OK, it was a seat at the end of the table, a seat none the less. As I grew older, I did get better. I think I started one game in all my years of basketball playing for Ms. Baldwin - maybe two. She did give me some minutes though - every game I had a few minutes. "Stewart" she would call out and point to the score's table. WOW! In the game, me, WOW! I belonged. In life we are not always able to see a gift as we are receiving it. As with Ms. Baldwin, it was a spiral thought, a night I didn't sleep because Elizabeth Edwards has three young children who will have to grow up without their mother - that my friends is  a really hard thing to do. One shouldn't covet they neighbors goods - I will say without hesitation I envy every person my age who still has their Mom. We should have our Mom's a long time - if we don't though. If God needs more angels in heaven - and takes our Mom's - then he gives us other people, people like Ms. Baldwin, who stood with her head held high, a woman who always put the player before the victory - someone who gave me an adjective to aspire to; "scrappy." I am still scrappy. Not the best player on the team, and I still don't remember where I lived or who I was living with - and I am at a real crossroads right now - a place in life when I wish I had my Mommie to talk to - but I don't. That is life. So this bench warmer, undersized power forward, this "scrappy" practice player looks around and realizes for my entire life the gifts have flowed upon me - one of those gifts came in the form of Ms. Baldwin and her allowing me the privilege of wearing the uniform. She gave me a place to belong. She gave me an identity. She did leave us much too young. We need to find a cure for breast cancer. We have to. Little girls should not grow up without their Mommie's. And sometimes, us big girls, sometimes, we need our Mommie's too. This fork in the road - this place I am at - I sure would like to talk to Mommie about it. She would know what to do, and if she didn't she would still make me feel better - I do envy people who still have their Mommie's - Yet, I know the blessings of so many wonderful women - Thanks Ms. Baldwin.

What's The Point?

See I don't understand why "The System" changes itself for the purpose of changing - I don't mind change - Oh, sure at first I may balk and cry a bit, but that is just human nature...for the most part I am all for change. I move furniture as much as most people change their clothes. I like to view the same space from different perspectives. In my classroom I like to move my desk around. If the mojo in the room is getting negative, sometimes a little Feng Shui (is that how it is spelled) well, changing the furniture around makes a big difference. It brings a fresh perspective to the situation - and sometimes when we view a problem in a different light the solution is evident. What was once obscured becomes obvious. Changing the position of my bed gives me a new room. Sure, I know it is the same room and I am only moving things not really changing them - However, in my mind changing the arrangement of furniture changes how I see the room so the room becomes "new" for me. It's not like we can move every three months - though I do believe my family moved almost that often when I was a young'un. One time I tried to drive down every street we lived on in Malone, but I forgot or I got lost, or maybe it just became a boring endeavor - Aldona Mae thinks she has moved 43 times in 43 years - it wasn't quite that much, but it was a lot. Aldona Mae's exemplary packing skills are a result of her organizational abilities not practice making perfect. I don't necessarily enjoy change everywhere - I don't like new shoes. New shoes are not comfortable - I do not like to get my hair cut - no sireeeeee - getting my hair cut is not change I like - Changing the color of my hair, that's cool (yes, with the exception of the oompa loompa red I had this past spring, that was pretty awful) When the seasons change, that is nice - Even here in So Cal, there is a noticeable change of the seasons, and it is nice. Now fall is around. It is colder and the leaves do change colors and fall to the ground. Do you think fall earned its name from the falling leaves? I wonder how the seasons were named. Spring because things spring up - I don't know the etymology (is that the right word) for summer - is it Greek for hot and winter Latin for cold - However, if you think about it - Some areas have no noticeable change in temperature from summer to winter so they would not name summer because it was hotter than winter - In the desert there are no trees, so do they have fall? Shucks, this has opened a whole new line of thinking...my mind can meander to such places - how funny. The change which prompted my original thought is the one LAUSD has made in the report card system. The previous system worked just fine. Though somewhat time intensive, it served it's purpose - What came before the one before that I don't remember - but the last system was just fine - Now they have changed the system of reporting grades. I don't like this change. The first reason I don't like the change is because I am not able to find the link to log on to the system so I can enter my grades - and they are due tomorrow. A system which is so convoluted it prevents me from even getting into it - well, I figure that is not a great system. The previous system had a link, you logged on, you entered your grades, you entered some numbers which would translate to words in the comment section, you printed out the report, you turned it in, someone signed it, and that was that - Well, actually after your report was signed you were given one copy of report cards for use during parent conferences - there was a flaw there because you need two copies of the report cards, one for the parent and one for the cum. Since we are not allowed to use the copy machine, making another copy was a chore - When they made one copy to give us, why wouldn't they just press 2? How much harder would that be? That is another issue - yet, a place where change would be a good idea. Now we have a new system and I cannot find the link to sign into it and I can't do my report cards and they are due tomorrow - did I mention they are due tomorrow? No, I did not put it off until the last minute. I have been trying to figure it out for a week now. Sometimes I am like a man lost on a road trip - I won't stop and ask for directions. Tomorrow I will have to ask for directions - eeeeee, I don't like that. First, it will give the appearance of having put off the assignment until the last minute (which is not the case). Second, I don't even know who to ask. I reckon a fellow teacher is my best bet. If I had my phone list I could call someone tonight and maybe they could tell me where to go - to go to sign on Eileen, not where to go as in "Bite Me!" That is a funny expression you have there - you use the expression as a voice of displeasure towards someone else, yet if you think about it - should someone actually follow through and "bite you" you would be the one in pain. You might rethink using that expression, unless of course there is a side of you I do not want to know about who is into the whole biting thing - get that picture out of my head - quick! Think about saying F you to someone - is that an invitation? Some might take it as such - what would one do if the invitation was accepted? Maybe we should not say that anymore. I don't like the F word anyway - just something about that word, it bothers me...I reckon I am just a prude - I read somewhere it is best to say "Thank-you" when trying to express displeasure - that seems odd - but you should try it - like if someone is being rude or ranting and you just say "Thank-you." Out of habit they respond your welcome and everyone leaves happy. I do that. Sometimes someone is going on and on and on about some inane thing - then when they pause for a breath I say; "Thank-you." Most of the time they say; "Your welcome." Then they smile and walk away. I wonder if they wonder why they are saying your welcome and if the subsequent wondering causes them to forget what it was they were ranting about in the first place.Or maybe they feel good about themselves because they said your welcome which would indicate they did something nice and they feel good about doing something nice - I don't know who thought of it but I recommend trying it - just for kicks - you know what else you should do? Which would be more difficult for those living in cold climates on slippery roads - when you get the chance though - roll your window down and turn the radio up and drive a few miles above the posted speed limit and sing really loud - I don't have electric windows or I would roll down all of my windows - I just roll down the driver's window and the wind blows my hair all about (which doesn't even matter to me) It is invigorating, really it is. Even if it is cold, just crank the heat and let the fresh air circulate through your brain - I like that. It is fun! Shucks, I have to figure out this whole report card system - they changed a perfectly functioning system and now I can't use the new and improved system - that makes no sense. Tie up sneakers were just fine, then they made slip ons and then those Velcro strap sneakers - those Velcro strap sneakers really make me mad! Do we need to lower our expectations any lower? Are parents so pressed for time they cannot teach their children to tie their shoes. Learning to tie your shoes is a wonderful accomplishment. As a toddler, that first time you tie your own shoes - that is a big milestone - I remember how proud I was. Now kids pull the Velcro strap, Whoopee! Let's have a party, Lisa pulled a Velcro strap. Please sneakers with shoe laces worked just fine for a gazillion years, leave it alone! When LAUSD lost federal funding because they had too many teachers working on Emergency Permits they changed the name of the permit - Changing the name of the document will not make the classroom teacher any more qualified to teach - that cracks me up. Lower the bar hoping to fool people into believing you have raised the bar - probably sad really because it works. "Oh these teachers are working on intern credentials not emergency credentials so they are really much better teachers." Intern sounds more intelligent than emergency so the federal government said OK. Everyone was happy. How silly isn't it? How can they cut off unemployment benefits23 days before Christmas? That is wrong! Perhaps they could have waited just one more month. Cut off the benefits in January - at least allow people the holiday season before they become homeless. I'm just saying wouldn't that have been a more thoughtful thing to do? Ah, no one listens to me.
Probably best, especially on nights like tonight when I am unable to complete my report cards due to the new system - Oh, and June - what's up for Monday? Your Pats going to beat up my poor little Jets? Yeah, your right they probably will. Somehow the Jets have been winning but they have been playing for crap - I don't know how they have arrived at a 9 -2 record - smoke and mirrors. Alright, I gotta go figure out how to use this new and improved system.

Legacy

So apparently my idea of showing up as being enough reason to show up doesn't fly with everyone. I chewed upon that for a while - then the concept of our legacy came up - no, in ten, twenty years no one will put up a statue in my name. No, there won't be a scholarship named after me. No, there won't be a foundation or any other such thing - That is not to be my legacy. If then what is to be my legacy? My professional career dedicated to working with students who are differently abled - that is something. In some of that I know I made a difference. For some of the children I know I made a difference. Oh, maybe they won't remember me in ten years, and maybe the only difference was in one moment of one day - but that counts. Not perfect, no I have never done that. Wish I could - sometimes I tried - too many times I just gave up. That was a mountain too high to climb. I tried to be the best daughter I could; to all my parents - I had more than my share - one loss became many blessings. Sometimes blessings bear weight, and you can't have one without the other. That is just the way it is. You know, no sunshine without the rain. I'm cool with that. Then I reckon a time comes when you just get tired. That is alI am now, I am tired. Trying every day to do more and be more...knowing I am just the same simple person I have always been. Isn't that all any of us are. Fame, money - they don't change what struggles happen inside one's soul - we love we lose, we try we fail, we shoot we score - it is the same for all of us. This is the human connection that we so often forget about. The tie which binds us all. No matter your station, in the grand scheme of things, I reckon we all just do the same as the other - we all just do the best we can. Is it enough? Heck if I know. I don't know anything about anything. I am tired. Tired is not a good place. Son's of Anarchy was good tonight. Though so much violence is really bad - The character, Jax, well he tries to do the right thing but in doing that he has to walk away from everything he ever new. That sucks! The one guy trying to do the right thing ends up losing everything to save the idiots doing the wrong thing - the innocent children get left behind - No, that is just plain wrong. Now I have to watch Sheryl Crow singing Christmas Carols - Where is The Biggest Loser? Shucks.
Anyway, my point - Oh, I don't think I have one. What will my legacy be? Who the heck knows - we don't get to choose our legacy, that is for others to speak about or not speak about. No, we get to choose how we live today - we get to choose the path of kindness and love or selfishness and apathy. It is up to each of us...not because you want a statue put up in your honor - only because your Momma taught you to be a good person, or because you have blessings in your life, or because you have life, and you have choices, and you can see beyond the one block you live on and you don't sleep on the floor or in the bathtub for fear of bullets coming through the windows - You have food in your stomach, and maybe you can't go out and buy a new car, but you have a car - you have a place to live, you have shelter - It isn't about what you leave behind it is about how you live today - heck, when you get to heaven, you'll see what you left behind - and yes, I would like to be Jimmy Stewart in It's a Wonderful Life. I would like to know that one act I committed on this Earth rippled across the lives of many - and in the one act, something good happened. Is that wrong? I don't know. I just want to be more than the paperwork I complete, the bills I pay, the checks I earned - I just want my life to be more than that. I better go to bed I am tired. Oh, and by the way - did they change the law about using turn signals?  I don't think people use them anymore and maybe the law was changed while I was watching a football game and I missed the news. They still make cars with turn signals. People should use them. It is a good idea. That is why they put the signals on the cars to begin with. What is wrong with people? They sure know how to use the stereo and play with so much bass my heart pounds to the beat of the song playing in the car next to me - And that is OK, as long as they use their turn signals.

Photos

Have you looked at a picture of yourself from say 1 or 2 years ago - and wondered "What the heck happened?" Is this the stage of life when it all goes to heck in a hand basket. I am not a believer in plastic surgery - as so many country songs say - the lines make you who you are today...but gosh; those lines are quite shocking! I can attribute a lot of the wear and tear on all the stinking medicine I take and the medical issues the last two years have brought upon me - but holy Oil of Olay what is up with me? I don't regularly look at photographs of myself. I am not photogenic. Some people are. Mommie was photogenic. Liz is photogenic - me, not so much. In my life I have seen perhaps three pictures of myself in which I thought; "Hey, I am not so ugly." Of course two of those pictures were taken when I was under the age of five. So I have seen one adult picture of myself when I looked good. That was nearly twenty years ago. Aging gracefully is easier for men than it is for women. Richard Gere is one good looking gentleman. He wasn't so hot when he was younger. John Travolta, forget about it, the dude is a stud! Women who have aged gracefully - without plastic surgery - ????.There was show on Discovery Health the other night. Em and and I were watching it. These women with a lot of money had a lot of work done on their face, butts, and boobs - then as time went by they paid a lot of money to have the work reversed. I admit if I had some money to burn I might get a skin peel - take a layer of years off my face. That just money wasted though, really, when you think about it - take my cousin June - she looks the same as she did when we were in our 20's. As a matter of fact a lot of my friends who stayed in the frigid north look the same - do you think the cold weather retards the aging process. Their faces are frozen in time? I though weathering was suppose to make it worse. The sun - that is the culprit - as kids we played in the sun without any thought of sunscreen. Played softball every weekend for years - wore a hat - so actually around my eyes I'm OK, but the rest of my face is just a dried up prune. I was never vain, I reckon because I was never beautiful. What's to be vain about when you don't look so good to begin with. And I am not plugging for votes of reassurance here - God blessed me in many ways, he provided me with many gifts; truth is I look like my father who looked like his mother, and so I look like my grandmother - and she was one special person - so that's cool with me. Sometimes it does shock me when I look at those pictures though - and I wonder when did my body bely my spirit. I still have the spirit of a young gal. Edging 30 not 50 - and God be willing I will edge 60 and 70 - If I don't, if that is not what God has planned for me - well, that is OK too - I want to donate my organs then be cremated. Won't have some poor mortician trying to "fix" this face. And I don't want anyone standing over my dead body saying how wonderful I look. Always found that odd - standing over a casket and someone will remark; "Oh, she looks wonderful." Hello lady - she is dead - probably not so wonderful. Of course I believe in heaven and reuniting with so many people - so I am not afraid to get there - the journey is a bit of a scare but the destination; at least I believe is a beautiful place where so many wait to embrace me. In the meantime, well, this is the way my face and body are going to go - so be it - I suppose I could spend a lot of money on products - or try to take better care of the outer me - reckon I'll spend the time working on the inner me - so when it is time - I will have that place at the Lord's table I have spent my life preparing for. Just in case I haven't fit the bill - could you all say a prayer for me - I know I am not perfect, but I sure want to hug Mommie and Little Gram again! Thanks.

This Was My Day

A student, not enrolled in my class, lined up with my students. When I asked him why he replied; "I am not safe in my class." The boy is in kindergarten. I asked him why. "Because the teacher is mean." "What does the teacher do that is mean?" I asked. "She lets other kids pick on me." So I took the book to the principal, explained the situation and headed back to my class. On the way there I see one of my students sitting on a bench crying. I sat down next to him and asked him what was wrong. "My sister and my mom got in a fight last night." "That must have scared you." I replied. "No, they fight a lot, but my sister locked herself in the room and my dad knocked down the door." "What happened when your dad knocked down the door?" I inquired. "My sister called the police." "Did the police come to your house?" "Yeah, and they put my dad in handcuffs, and they had guns, and that scared me." "Did the police take your dad away?" "No, after they talked for a while they let him stay, but when they left everyone was fighting again." "What did you do when they were fighting?" I asked. "I hid under my bed." "You must have been scared under your bed." "I was really scared that my father was going to hurt my sister and then my mom was crying and I didn't know what to do so I just hid under my bed." "Did you stay under your bed a long time?" "I stayed there all night and I am hungry and I am tired, why do they have to fight?" "I don't know honey, I am sorry that happened. How can I help you?" "I am really hungry." So I went to the cafeteria and got the boy some food. We went to class. One of my students was missing. When I asked where he was my assistant said he was in the office. He had been in a fight. It is now 8:20 am, and I am thinking I am too old for this. One of my female students was crying - the other girls did not want to talk to her anymore or be her friend because she is African American. I go to an IEP meeting, but the parent does not show up. Back to class. One student is on the floor in the corner. He is crying. For the past six years he has been moved between his mother in Chicago and his grandmother in LA. His grandmother died. He wants to know what is going to happen to him - I hugged him and told him I didn't know - What do you say? What could I say? A bit later a child, not in my class walks in my room - She says; "Ms. Stewart will you go tell my teacher to tell Sheila (not her real name) to stop picking on me. I did not even know the little girls name. By lunch I was fried - completely exhausted both physically and emotionally. Another child, not in my room, arrives with a note from the principal asking me to allow him to stay in my room for the rest of the day - his teacher needed a break - I'm thinking, dang, I need a break - but this little boy, well he trusts me. He does not trust a lot of people but he trusts me so of course he can stay with me. He stayed with me until I left school at 4:30 pm. He would have come home with me had that been an option. Last weekend one of my students' fathers was deported. She has been a puddle of tears ever since. I spend a lot of the day trying to comfort and reassure her - I don't know what to say to her - I don't know how to help her...All I know is to show up. I show up everyday and I listen, I hug (even though hugging is frowned upon) I offer a bit of laughter and a safe place. Word on campus is if you have a problem go to Ms. Stewart. I am not anything special. There are some wonderful teachers at my school - and many of them do much more than I do. Today was a really tough day. I describe it as trying to fill a well  a teaspoon of water at a time. This is a difficult job - teaching - did I tell you that teaching is now ranked as the third most difficult job in the world. A lot of press has come out lately about how falling test scores and the union protecting unfit teachers, there are unfit teachers - I challenge all the detractors to spend a day in my classroom. Listen to the stories I have to listen to. Try to put band aids on severed arteries. Oh yeah, and teach standards so the children will pass standardized tests. I should have been a dentist. When you have your hands in someones mouth they can't really talk. And no one really wants to go to the dentist anyway. Yeah, today was a really hard day. You know what? I will show up tomorrow. I will show up tomorrow and I will do the best I can. Problem is, I know before going into the day, the best I can won't be good enough. I start the day knowing I am already behind, and I have a bum leg - can't run as fast as I use to. But I will show up and that counts. Right, that counts?

Lupus

Of diseases a person might have lupus isn't the worse. I guess of course it is the disease you have. It has been heartening, the recent lupus awareness campaigns-1/100 women will be diagnosed with lupus. Symptoms of lupus vary. They come and they go. At it's best I feel like I have the flu. At it's worst I feel that my body is on fire. Avoiding the dun, fluorescent lights, and stress help. Show me a person without stress...well you would have to take me to a cemetery. Living in Cali, well the sun shines a lot. I tend to be nocturnal, good for me. Oh yeah, sick people are bad for me-darn I am a teacher! Sick children are all about me. Fluorescent lights...you should see how many light bulbs are unscrewed in my classroom. The poor plant manager keeps wanting to replace the burned out bulbs/he likes me. Seventeen years this disease has occupied my body. At times it consumes my mind. Have you ever blinked and your eyelashes cause pain on your eyelids? When lupus is in remission I fly like a kite on a summer breeze-when my immune system goes haywire-well then I pray, a lot! At times I find it ironic that my body can't discern healthy cells and poisonous cells. Perhaps a metaphor of my life. If brain stem harvesting and research were allowed, lupus is one of the hundreds of diseases which could be cured. That is a slippery slope. When is a fetus viable? Would curing hundreds of diseases justify harvesting stem cells? Here my friends is the secret no one wants you to know. Drug and insurance companies don't want stem cell harvesting! They would lose billions of dollars! Ha, $$$$$! This is what keeps MS, MD, diabetes & lupus alive and killing! Our own government, or rather elected officials of our government receive billions of dollars from-guess who? Drug companies! Ding ding ding you win a cookie! Some refer to this cycle as the darwinistic economic reality. If breast cancer occured more often in men than women the race for a cure would be much shorter. Hard truth for certain, truth can be that way. Which brings us to the bonus round of today's show. How do we change the status qui? That my friends is worth all the drug companies billions! And I don't reckon they will just let us take money out of their pockets. Let us all shout out, let us all speak up, let us all clearly & succinctly express our views. I think I will start a bracelet campaign for lupus awareness...what color should I order? Green, the color of both money and growth? Orange? Just cause it makes me smile? What do you think? What color should our bracelets be? Will you wear one?

What Are The Odds?

My birth Mother and my Mother of love were both born on November 3? That is odd isn't it? What are the odds that the citizens of the United States would believe our best hope for the future is in electing Republicans to Congress? Granted, the Democrats have not done what they should have done - why is that? What were they so afraid of? They had control of both the House and the Senate, why didn't they blow the doors off of politics as usual? Wasn't that what they promised us? Yes We Can! Well, maybe we could have but we didn't! That just made people mad. Will a politician ever tell us the truth? We are in bad shape, how are we going to fix it? Oh, yeah, I know - let's elect a majority of Republicans so President Obama cannot do anything. After two years he is a lame duck president - and now he cannot focus on fixing what is broken - now he has to worry about being re-elected in two years. In essence, there will be no new legislation, there will be no changes - not of any import...what are we in for? What have we done? Well, we have set in motion a period of two years during which our President is focused on being re-elected Republicans will not do anything because the President is a Dem, and they want a Republican - The Dems can't do anything because - well they really blew their chance! Now what do we do? It scares me. It really scares me because I am in the middle of nowhere. Not middle class - middle of nowhere. When you examine the states in middle America, the states which once produced stuff - you know made stuff which could be sold - those states all went Republican. That is telling isn't it? It is telling because we don't produce anything anymore. The people who live in areas which once were the foundation of this great country, they are not working. Their jobs are outsourced - I don't like that show - Outsourced. What is funny about it? It is not funny because it is true. Do you think a worker from HP, whose job was "outsourced" to India believes that show is funny? While they can't find work, and their house falls into foreclosure - while the American Dream they were promised and worked for was taken from the - What are the odds Middle America finds that show funny?
We should be alarmed. Tax cuts extended for the wealthy - to offset these tax cuts we should cut medicare, social security, unemployment benefits? I am not a great fan of the welfare forever plan, but are we really going to cut off benefits after two years no matter the circumstances? They cannot cut education anymore! Seriously, they cannot! At my school alone in just two months we have lost 3 teaching positions, the librarian, one office clerk, and one maintenance person. The cuts are not done - they continue to alarm us, keep us on pins and needles, because more are coming. WHAT? What is left to cut? 50 students in a kindergarten class? Give it a try! 3/4 teachers leave the profession before their third year of teaching! Approximately 62% of teachers, having taught over ten years are being treated for stress, anxiety or depression. World wide teaching is now rated as the third most dangerous occupation. Teaching, a dangerous occupation? What are the odds? Now Discovery will have Deadliest Catch and Classroom Catch! What are the odds we will learn? When will we realize that the words retard and fag are as painful and demeaning as the N word. See I can't even type the N word - you all know what it is but I can't type it - so now I won't type the R word, and when I say the F word I am not cussing. When will we realize this is our country and if we want real change - it has to start with us - each one of us! I feel lost. How are we going to right this ship? On another note you should drive with your windows down and let the air just blow your hair all over and turn your iPod on really loud and try to sing louder - then watch the faces of people around you! That is fun! Do you think your iPod can sense your mood and plays music which coincides with that mood? What are the odds you are feeling crazy and your iPod plays wild music? Or feeling a little melancholy your iPod plays some oldies? It is something to think about - if you have an iPod.

Hard Day...

I'm not going to sugar coat this - I had a really hard day! I know, I know - yesterday I was all about the celebration and the gift - and I still am - seriously I am - However, there is only one me and I have 11 students in my classroom and another 10 students on our campus who see me as the fountain of water from which they can fill their well of need - and I'll tell you - some days I run out of water before they run out of need! And some days, it is not the water I have to offer which will quench their need - and sometimes, after I have given it all to the children - because I work for them - well, sometimes the adults are just - well, just - well, they are just juvenile! Sometimes the adults lie, and sometimes the adults have their personal agenda's which have nothing to do with the best interest of the children - and today I had to bite my tongue so darn hard it bled. I did though, I bit my tongue, then I tried to vent - then I cried - after that I realized I need to smile and nod - really, I just need to smile and nod. Many parents don't want me to teach their children -just keep them busy and don't call me - Many general education teachers look down their collective noses' (is that a plural possessive?) at special education - Oh, they tell you one thing or another thing, they look you in the eye and they are lying - right there, lying! That amazes me, how you can look me in the eye, lie, know I know your lying, and not even blink - Funny how you can take two years to build something and ten minutes to have it all destroyed! Two minutes can destroy so much, heck - ten seconds can destroy. Words once said cannot be pulled back, actions once taken cannot be stopped - So what did we learn today boys and girls - Yes, that is correct - chant The Serenity  Prayer over and over again. Accept your limits. Accept your imperfections - do the best you can - control what is yours, then let go of the rest - Pray, pray a lot!
Then sometimes you just have to scream! That is OK, screaming is OK! Be sure you are alone. NBA kickoff tonight, world series tomorrow, JETS are winning, holidays are coming! Smile and nod Lisa, smile and nod for there isn't shxx you can do about any of it. Dang, I don't like that -

Life

This morning I left for work at 5:30. I had to be in Hawthorne by 8:00 . Driving to Hawthorne for those of you who don't know LA, is like driving from Malone to Albany. It is only 38 miles, however the 405 freeway is a parking lot: I don't like to be late. Well much to my surprise there was no traffic. I was in Hawthorne by 6:20. now Hawthorne is no place to be at 6:30 in the morning! It was still dark and I had 90 minutes before the conference started. What a drag. After the conference I went back to work. Drag number 2. However, upon leaving work I drove by a horrific car accident. Then it struck me: I am darn lucky! Sure it has been a long day. Now I am waiting at the apple store cause my iPhone is on the fritz. In all of my pain and fatigue I am still luckier than those poor people in that accident. We don't know when our number is punched. We just take each day and run. We are busy but are we getting anywhere? Line from an Indigo Girls song. So I reckon I need to slow down and celebrate more! Enjoy more, even waiting or arriving early, or having a student knock me down. Though life may not always bring us happily ever after it can just be happy. So, we should be grateful and celebrate what we have, and when we start feeling like we are always pushing that boulder uphill...we need to remember the privledge of pushing. That is my thought anyway. But what do I know?

What is it?

Speaking with my colleagues, a theme is evident...this is one tough school year! Being a wonderer(that is not a word but that is what I do) I am a wonderer. I am also a realist. And a pragmatist. The situation needs analyzing. We see the problem. Goodness, we feel it everyday! Just stating the problem is not enough. I avoid the teacher's lounge because problems are so often stated-I want to solutions. Let's roll up our sleeves and find solutions. OK, so what are the possible solutions. Usually I will tell you that structure and consistency are key to a successful classroom. Experience has, at least anecdotally, prove this theory correct. Now we need to move this idea through the campus. How? Training? A lot of training goes unused. That is just the truth. We can't fix what happens outside the school. My goodness children have such heavy backpacks. They shouldn't, but they do. We can't change that. How can we equip them with the tools required to develop resiliency? That is a tough question. As society further deteriorates children arrive at school in greater need. As educative we are standard driven, improve test scores, get the blue ribbon. I think we are missing a link in this chain. We need to build a bridge. A really strong bridge-teachers need to know more and learn more and we need more freedom and more accountability-accountability that has nothing to do with test scores. A child's school success has so darn little to do with a test score. What about the ability to interact with peers? How about the ability to interact with authority figures in a positive manner? I reckon some teachers want to k ow bow to keep a child in their assigned seat. See, as medicine realized treating the disease is good; treating the whole patient is successful! We need a plan- a plan that meets the needs of the whole child. A plan that empowers teachers so they are not afraid to put down a standard and talk to a child! Relationships-we need relationships built..child to adult, child to child, teacher to careprovider, teacher to teacher. A village needs building. We need hammers and nails and 2*4's! We need to roll up our sleeves and do the work. Stop whining about what we don't have and let us get to it! Dang, we must get started, NOW!

Who Are They Kidding?

The recession is over! Yeah, can we tell the three teachers who found out yesterday they were losing their jobs? What about the 462,000 new applications for unemployment, do they know the recession is over? Would someone tell me the recession is over - or tell the credit card companies my recession is ongoing - maybe then they will stop calling me! The failure to see the big picture here is scary - we cram 32 children into a classroom, ask a teacher to meet the needs of each child, then we ream the teachers because the test scores are falling, we ream the students for acting out...the big picture? That student we lose in the 5th grade, due to overcrowding and lack of resources - that student may live till he/she is 100 - and the rest of their lives they will be affected by the issues created in 5th grade - it is true! Think about your own life. Think about how your teachers and your schooloing affected you - positively or negatively - I went to Catholic Elementary School - I bear those scars to this day! My phobisa of snakes comes from second grade. Being locked in an art closet - I remember that vividly - and in 1st grade standing in the corner because I had wet my pants - well that I remember. I remember when my favorite 7th grade teacher asked me to stay after class - then without ever looking at me she asked: "Your grades are dropping is everything OK?" With the greatest weight about to be lifted off my chest I replied; "Yes." "Well" she answered, "Get it together or you are going to fail." Never once looking at me. So the emotional, physical and sexual abuse I was enduring continued. Back then life was don't ask don't tell - Here was my chance because an adult asked - but she did not want me to tell! Did that affect me? Hell yes! When my abuse might have ended in 7th grade - it didn't! So I endured more. Too often teachers are perceived as those who can't do anything else, long summer vacations, short work days - Sure, I continue to offer my job to anyone who wants to give it a shot. Yesterday two students came to my room, in the morning before school - they talked about the guns they had in their houses and debated who had shot the neighbors rabbit. One young man slept until lunch time - I mean he slept out cold, could not wake him up - he was really sick, but parents send their sick children to school because they don't have anyplace else to send them. Guess who is really sick today - ME! Oh yeah, the recession is over. Tomorrow is norm day! In our world this means they count all the students enrolled in our school - then depending on the numbers they cut even more teachers. 3 cut yesterday - tomorrow? Who knows? What is cut will not be returned. They won't increase our pay once we have accepted them cutting it. You must accept a pay cut to save the jobs of your peers - so we did, then they cut those jobs anyway! Fooled us didn't they? The purpose is clear, however what I don't think peop;e are seeing are the faces of all these children. All these children who come to school to learn, to find love, to develop into who they are going to be - What is not seen is the bond between teacher and child - the impact teachers have on children and the impact these cuts, this loss of humanity, will have on these children. God help us, the price we pay is far greater than the pennies they save.

I Should Like...

I should like for people to be kind. Rutgers University is conducting a two years Masters program on civility. There are books on civility. Do we really need books to teach us what our parents told us hundreds of times-"Say Thank-You." "What's the magic word?" "Tell your sister your sorry." "When a grown up walks in the room you stand up, look a person in the eye when you speak with them." I could go on and on with all the civility my parents taught me-OK, some of those lessons came on the backhand-point is the lesson was learned! Now we have a Masters program in civility. That amazes me...Oh wait, I am a teacher- my world is filled with a lack of civility: you may or may not be amazed but children are not great with manners. Say your sorry, "uh no!" "What's the magic word?" "Huh?" many mornings on my drive to work a car behind me will honk because I stop when the light is yellow...Eileen, you can start bagging on my cautious driving now! Then the honking nummy-nut speeds by me, bird and all-when he is in front of me at the next red light I truly laugh out loud as I honk and wave at him/her! Why are we not nicer to one another? Life is a challenge, believe you me I know of life's challenges-that is no excuse for being, kindness costs nothing! Might be the only thing we can still get or give for free. Let us find civility amongst human-kind by being examples of civility. A small pebble ripples to the farthest shore.

The off button?

Don't you wish our brains had an off button? It is way past my bedtime, however I am not able to find sleep. Thoughts flip through my head like contacts through my iPhone list. What do I need to do tomorrow? Geez it is hot! I wonder why I keep throwing up? what is going to happen with my leg? Will the Jets win tomorrow? I wish I had stayed in Malone back in 1992. I can't believe Coleen is no longer with us. If you knew you only had six months to live what would you do? I never climbed Owls Head. Boring games on football today. I wish I could carry your burden and make your road easier. What should I try to eat tomorrow? Trust and respect, once lost are difficult to retrieve. How am I going to make it through a whole school year? If I had not been injured, would things have turned out differently? Christmas is right around the corner-wish I had money to shop. I love Christmas! Mommie loved Christmas. She started shopping in July. Starlighters was a wonderful experience. Going back to Tony's was weird. We don't get do-overs in life: I have got to get it right and right now. Aunt Bertha made the best molasses cookies. That sounds good. Zuko had another seizure today: God pleas don't take him-but don't make him suffer just because I need him. That is hard. Colombus day tomorrow, there will not be much traffic. Most people have the day off. Not us, that stinks! I sure could use a day off. Darn I wish I had a magic wand. Will we be together in heaven? Yes, I have to believe that. I should be asleep. Not a drop of sleeping sand in my eye. What does that come from? Mr. Sandman? Is it just a song? Don't you wish there was an off button? Be heck to pay tomorrow-how many days until Christmas? Calgon take me away. Do you think Joy really helped keep you hands soft? Or was that Palmolive. I ate some Joy in my youth, sure made a lot of bubbles! Ever wake up and wonder how you got here? Ever drive home from work and not remember the trip? It is the journey, not the destination! Can I help anyone? Put your oxygen mask on first before assisting others. Go to sleep, go to sleep, you are getting very sleepy...not! Dang where is that off button?I will be reaching for it when my alarm goes off in the morning-wrong off button; darn!

I Would Like To Know

I would like to know whom I should believe. The political ads airing the past few days really confuse me. Meg Witman is either a saint or the devil. Jerry Brown either wants to raise taxes or he wants to lower them. Barbara Boxer is either too old to do the job or she has worked so hard for so long she deserves another term. I don't know if Cuomo had sex with many people or is still a virgin. Will anyone air a comercial which states the facts? We need that dude from Dragnet; "Just the facts mam!" The political pundits all have opposing facts - they can't all be right and they cant all be wrong - so who should we believe? Will any politician give me a private audience so I can ask them the questions I want answered? Will you approve more cuts to education? Will you crack down on illegal immigration? Will you support unions? Have you cheated on your spouse? Have you lied during an interview? Will you take money from lobbyists? Will you take money from me? Do you have a sense of humor and a sense of honor? The facts which matter are not discussed. Each political ad contradicts the next and the next and the next - how are we suppose to know what to believe? How are we supposed to make an informed vote when we don't have accurate information? Someone please help me figure this out. These mid-term elections are so important. Not just for the next four years - they are important for the future of our children. Our education system, our health care system, our welfare system, our social security system - These elections are important - am I the only one who thinks that?

New England Patriots

Is anyone watching MNF - did anyone watch football yesterday? By the way the JETS won! OK June, so what is up with the Patriots? Every team on Sunday and the Dolphins tonight looked pink - they wore pink chin things, pink gloves, pink shoes, pink shoelaces, pink skull caps, pink towels, pink gloves, pink hats, the coaches wore pink, the water boy wore pink, the referee wore pink - So June, my Patriot loving cousin and friend - what is up with the arrogant Patriots - where is their pink? There are a few players wearing pink. Don't see any on Bellicheck. Of course not! He is the most arrogant creature on the East Coast! Is it that none of the Patriots have been effected by breast cancer? Was the equipment not ready? Yes, some players have on a pink - what does Brady have on? Oh, there it is - his towel is pink. You know what I think...these guys are insecure in their masculinity so they are afraid to wear pink. That is the problem with the Patriots. Like the anonymous source is not someone from the Patriots. Who cares if Rex Ryan and Harbaugh went to watch Jets West? Do they think 30 minutes of observation made all the difference in the first four weeks of the season - or are the Patriots already building their excuse for why they are not going to make the playoffs this year? Bellicheck even has on a "big boy" shirt but no pink. What is his problem. OK, they are going to win the game, and they will tie the JETS for first place ( though we currently hold the tie breaker) I don't like the Dolphins, like the Patriots even less. Have you seen that commercial with the dude in his Eagles gear - in every picture there is a different chick - he, however is always wearing something EAGLES! This is true of sports isn't it. Like the line from that movie - Have you ever loved someone or something your whole life? This is sports. My Mets stink, they have been bad most of my life - but I can tell you where I was in 1986 when Buckner botched a routine ground ball and Ray Knight scored - I can tell you where I was the next night when we romped over Boston - a game so one sided no one remembers...Oh and they teased me in 2000 - were it not for cocaine we could have been the dynasty the Braves ended up being. I actually hope the Braves win the World Series - which is blasphemy from a Mets fan - However, Bobby Cox and Chipper Jones - as much as they beat up the Mets - they are class acts. It would be nice for good people to leave their careers on such a note. I know it is a long shot, but how about a Braves - Yankees World Series and the Braves win! That would be serendipity! Being a sports fan is a constant up and down, spring brings the baseball fan hope - fall brings the football fan hope - the long days of winter can be filled with basketball or hockey - shoot baseball is heading to Thanksgiving. You know it is coming, you may even know your team doesn't stand a chance - you still believe, you still hope - and for the few days your team is in first place - even though you know they won't stay there - Ah, those are sweet days of bragging and chest pumping. When it all falls apart you begin the chant of "wait until next year." Then when next year is a repeat - you start the "What if's?" No matter what you always believe - you anticipate the beginning - you mourn the end - you laugh and cry during the middle - Being a sports fan is a constant. Perhaps the only marriage that does lasts forever, because the only love which lasts forever is unrequited love - and as a sports fan that is what we are...we are in love with an entity which does not know we exist - ha, that is funny. How beautifully ironic! So June, can you explain why the Patriots were not supporting the cause?

Funny thing this life

So you work hard. You build relationships. You spend your days doing the best you can. Then one day you wake up and wonder; "When did the road take this turn?" teachers were once the most trusted professionals. If you listen to the news these days, teachers are a lousy lot. Some teachers are lousy. Some teachers are fantastic. There is no clear definition for what a "good" teacher is. It seems illogical for anyone without teaching experience to be the evaluator of the entire profession. Of late it feels I am at the short end of every stick. The beliefs I held regarding my personal and professional life, well it is a mess. Follow my bliss. This is the comment I receive from the person who stole my road map. A parent who has never met me shows up and proceeds to threaten me if I don't acquiece to her child's every whim. Lawyers who I believed were representing me, well they are not. It appears they only want their money. The company hired by the district to look after their injured workers...well let's just say incompentent would be a compliment. It's OK though, I recognize this time of transition. Mommie always said the more you cry the less you pee. OK, I agree that is yet another of her rather odd sayings-just comes in handy when you can't find any other words. In fact I will emerge from this place and find out what the next phase of my life is supposed to be. We walk on. This is what we know to do. Though our hearts are heavy. Though we feel cheated and duped... We walk on! For myself and for my Mommie and for my Little Gram. Nothing and no one holds all the answers. Sometimes you just keep moving forward and you pray-and you cry more than you pee-whatever that means:)!Avoid the hypocrisy and the ignorance-celebrate life!

What I Think...

I have been a passenger on many airplanes. Big planes, little planes, long flights, and short flights - As many times as I have flown it never once occurred to me to think I could fly a plane. That would just be silly. A pilot is trained and licensed to fly the plane. No matter how many times I am a passenger on a plane-I am neither trained nor licenced to fly a plane. I don't know what flying a plane requires - there are a lot of instruments I know that. There must be a good amount of stress in being a pilot - See, I would not purport to know how to fly a plane just because I have been a passenger on a plane - Why, pray tell, does every nummy-nut with a forum for speech think they can tell teachers how to teach. I am trained and licensed to teach. I am still going to school so I can be a better teacher - teaching is a difficult job - just because you were once a student does not mean you know how to teach! Oh, but education is the big buzz word this election season - a lot of opinions going around - get rid of the teacher's union because it protects incompetent teachers - have student test scores determine a teacher's quality of service - yeah, and let's have doctors lose their licenses if a patient dies. Surely a patient dying is more serious than a fifth grader who can't read! It is ridiculous! The LA Times published their rating system on the Internet. A 5th grade teacher, who fell in too the less able category, well he killed himself - I know that public indictment of his teaching was probably not the only factor in his death, but it contributed. The list is a joke, that poor man's family, well they are not laughing. Standardized test are given over a period of eight days. On any given day a student may not feel well. Perhaps they did not eat breakfast, or their parents were fighting, or they slept on the floor, or they have test anxiety - some people don't like taking standardized tests; On this day a student is not able to show what they know via the test; However, the LA Times proposes that the one day test score of a student will determine the effectiveness of a teacher - one day test score - have you ever had a bad day when you could not do your best work? Do you want your work evaluation based on the behavior or performance of the person in the next cubicle? Sure, Officer Jones is being fired because his partner Officer Smith shows up for work late - if Officer Jones was better at his job then Officer Smith would get to work on time. That makes perfect sense. Our system of Education is in need of repair - no one argues that point. Remember when they use to serve meals on flights? A soda and some peanuts, a movie, a blanket or a pillow - they don't provide any of these services anymore -- Why? MONEY! It costs too much and people are going to fly anyway. Education is in the same boat - there is no money and kids are going to come to school anyway. So while it makes for great election month debate, once the elections are over, the subject will go away. Nothing will change. Children have to come to school. I don't believe the powers that be really want to tackle the fixing of our education system - I'll do it! Teachers are the people who need to fix the system. It is our system. Yes, we need to do some weeding of our garden. Yes, the school year needs extension. Yes, we need to make more money so we can attract a quality individual to our profession. And yes, there can be an objective system of evaluation - However, before anyone evaluates a teacher - let them teach. My offer always stands; come teach for a week. Have you seen that show with Tony Danza? He went to school to be a teacher - but he was not a teacher - Teaching is not something you do it is who you are. Teaching is a passion, an art. If you feel it within your soul and your heart then you will do right by your students - If you teach because it allows you time to pursue other dreams, you won't last long - the job is simply too difficult if you are not in it for the love of children. Go ahead, take a walk in my sneakers - then judge me. I am not going to fly any planes, but you are welcome to come teach my class.

Tony's

I liked it when we owned Tony's. Yes it was a lot of work. Yes our family pretty much fell apart during the years we were at Tony's. No those are not good things. What I enjoyed about the time we were at Tony's was the sense of community. I liked the regulars. Knowing what time what they were coming in and what they wanted to drink. I liked the Constable Volunteer Fire Department's annual BBQ and making 30 gallons of cole slaw. I like the nights when I stayed up with Daddy Pat. I would play pool or Foosball. Stock the cooler. Cook a few pizzas or hamburgers - I liked going across the street to Mr. Tallon's store and buying a root beer and cherry pie. Mallo Cups, Mr. Tallon always had Mallo Cups. I tried to save the point cards but never had enough to buy anything. I liked being a part of the community. We all need to belong to something. Especially as a teenager, we were celebrities because we had something the people in the community wanted. I liked the spaghetti supper fundraisers for Starlighters. I liked cooking Thanksgiving dinner for a our customers. Went to bed exhausted every night, but exhausted in a good way - exhausted because you had done a good day's work. You don't have that in a city the size of Los Angeles. I could go to the same store everyday for a year and never see a person I know. When I was in Malone this summer almost time I went to Price Chopper I saw someone I knew - or someone who knew me - I like that. There is something nice about a neighbor stopping by because they see a strange car in your driveway, or because they know you haven't been feeling well and they just want to check up on you. Tony's was like that everyday. Except Monday's - we were closed on Monday's. A lot of times we would go out to eat on Monday's. Funny, you own a restaurant and on your day off you go out to eat at a restaurant. One time when we had a fire in the kitchen the dog woke me up. The whole place was filled with smoke. Everyone got out, except for Mommie. She wouldn't leave until she put her make up on. So up in her room I waited with her, stuffed a towel under the door to keep out the smoke. When she was all "fixed" up the firemen took us out the window and down the ladder. Of course we knew all those volunteer firemen because they came into the bar almost every day. On Christmas Eve we closed at 6:00 pm because Mommie said all those men should be home with their families. Then Christmas day we reopened at 6:00 pm because Mommie said you can spend too much time with your family. When I came back to California I was sick. One of the doctors I saw was from Montreal - he use to come into Tony's. He said he remembered these little girls in smocks who were the waitresses - I laughed - I was one of those little girls in a smock...probably waited on him. Small world! We do need to belong to something bigger than ourselves. It is human nature and human need. We are not islands - we might think we are, we may even want to be - but we are not. Went to Tony's this summer - first time I had been in there since 1982...that is a long time. It has changed a lot. Not completely, the stove was the same and the counter top in the kitchen was the same - They have built a nice back porch and moved the bathrooms. It was kind of weird to be there - bittersweet I'd say. Rekindled some precious memories - brought back some bad memories - Nothing is all good or bad. Tony's was not all good or bad - I choose to remember the good things. The people, the parties, the laughter - the sense of belonging and the sense of community. These were the good things about Tony's. If we learned about hard work and sacrifice, well that was hard at the time, but it helped us in the long run. A resilient bunch of girls we turned out to be. We lost a lot during those years at Tony's - we learned a lot. It is as I continually say; We can choose to remember the good or the bad - why remember the bad? Remember the good times and find what of value you gained for the experience. Yeah, I enjoyed Tony's. Sometimes I wish I had skipped college and tried to make a go of keeping the place ours. It was Mommie's dream to own her own restaurant - though she never would have wanted me to stay. Mommie really was a remarkable woman. The love she held for her children was the greatest! Always put us first, and never attempted to hold us back. Never put her needs in front of ours - Goodness I miss her. For my life I try to live so she will continue to be proud of me. I try to be as giving as she was - her heart so large - her humility so real. God took my biological mother, he sure gave me a great replacement. Such love - between Mommie and I. Maybe that is what I liked about Tony's - I knew it was Mommie's dream to own a restaurant and it was nice to see her have her dream realized - she gave so much for her children to realize their dreams...that is what Mothers do. Yeah, I reckon knowing Mommie was living her dream, that might be what I most enjoyed about the time we spent at Tony's.

Grey's Anatomy

Grey's Anatomy is a good show. What I most enjoy are the monologues which begin and end each episode. The words spoken are not just hyperbole - they actually have some meaning. A lot yesterday was about choosing - where do you choose to go when everything you once knew is gone, or at least irrevocably changed? That is where I am at in my own life - so I wonder, where do I go from here when everything I believed to be truth is no longer such? Change is inevitable, it is the only constant in life - so we have to adapt. Now, I must adapt and I must change. I must find the next step and move on. Forward tally ho! It is the "letting go" which staggers me like a boxer's punch. Never easy the letting go - not in any situation. When it is unexpected, unwanted, and when I was unprepared - well, now I have to adapt. The change is upon me whether I like it or not...what am I going to do. Lately I have a repetitive dream in which I am projectile vomiting some white, chunky stuff - in the dream I fall to the ground, the white chunky stuff is still coming out of my mouth at an alarming rate (it's actually kind of weird because I swear I wake up with the most sour taste in my mouth) anyway, while I am lying on the ground several strangers come and taunt me with dishes of oatmeal, pudding, eggs - they ask me if I want a bite and they laugh at me. I take this dream as my subconscious purging. What I am unable to do in my conscious state my subconscious is trying to do for me. Of course the other night I had a dream I went to the emergency room and asked them to amputate my right leg - my leg has been hurting so much and there is no end in sight. Lawyers only care about the $$$, the worker's comp company only cares about minimizing their exposure - the district just wants it to all go away - shoot I want it all to go away! The pain, that would be nice - should not have to live like this. Standing there one morning and two years later my life is still backside up. Oh, yes I am struggling - My life is at a crossroads - not a place I intended to be, yet here I am - I'll figure it out and I'll get through it. Change, that inevitable event we both embrace and fear. Change brings about great things and opens new doors. Change forces us to move outside of our comfort zone - and that is scary. Change brings us to discovery of new things, this can be good. Change will take us up higher and sometimes it will bring us to some lower valleys - but we get through, we survive - Ah, that which does not kill us makes us stronger. I must be strong as an ox! Nah, not really, I'll survive this change - I just need to figure out where I am suppose to go  and a way to get there, then pack up and head in that direction - this change has come and I must adapt or die - I am not going to go out like that. 

It has been a while

It has been a while since I last wrote. Part of the reason is going back to work. I had no idea it would be so hard. Every day lasts so long. I feel we have been working two months - it hasn't even been two weeks. My classroom this year has 10 students. They are some of the lowest functioning students I have ever had. I don't understand how a child can get to fourth grade when they cannot read all the letters of the alphabet. It boggles my mind how a child can get to fourth grade and not know how to add with regrouping, or identify coins. One child cannot identify his own name. You could ask most of the students in my class where they live - most of them won't be able to tell you. The expectation is that I will present general education curriculum to my students. The students in my class are expected to meet the same standards as their same age peers. My children will have to take the same standardized tests as their peers. It is just exhausting - mentally and physically exhausting, because I really try to teach what I am mandated to teach. By ten O'clock in the morning I am just wore out. The energy I must exert just to get through math and spelling is unbelievable. I write the number 234 on the board and ask the students to read the number - they can't. They might say; "two three four." They cannot read the number two hundred thirty four. The state standard requires 4th graders to identify numbers to one million, 5th grade to one billion - we are at tens! When the first quarter math assessment comes my students don't stand a chance - and that is on me. See, I want them to pass the test. I want them to look at the questions and know the answers. In reality they will look at the questions and not be able to read them. Actually calculating and choosing the correct answer is just a pipe dream. It is a dream I have though. It is my deepest desire to provide my students with the tools they need so they can feel successful. How in the world am I going to do that? I think about it all day and all night. Every day I seek another way to present the material in hopes something will click. Some days as I am teaching, I look around my classroom - staring back at me are these young children trying so very hard to "get it." They don't. They know they don't - this is wrong! What I should be teaching are life skills. Use of money, how to tell time, how to ask a question, how to move around the community - my children need to learn how to interact with others, how to give proper eye contact when speaking to an adult, what resources are available to them and their families. Yesterday one little girl in my class arrived at school very upset. She had not been able to complete her homework. She did not earn the homework star for the day. After a few hours she asked to speak with me in private - we went outside where she began to tell me why she could not do her homework. The night before her mother's boyfriend had beat up her mother and her baby brother. The little girl had to call 911. The police came but the boyfriend had left. The police told the mom to go to court and get a restraining order. The entire family stayed up all night fearing the boyfriend would come back. Was this little girl in any mental position to learn place value, proper nouns, and the regions of the United States? What could I do for her? It is exhausting. A daily heart break and daily frustration and a sense every night that I have failed. I am not enough. Not good enough, not skilled enough, not equipped enough. Twenty seven years of teaching special education is a long time. Not many people have made it this long. I am proud that I have. Every year it is more difficult. The children have more needs, greater gaps in their learning - they arrive at school with such need and I am not enough. I'll get up tomorrow and go at it again. One thing I am not is a quitter! I will give all I have, but I know sitting here tonight it won't be enough. At the place I am in my life; both professionally and personally I am not enough. I don't have enough of whatever it is I need to have. It is exhausting. OK, that is enough whining. Writing is cheaper than therapy. If anyone reads this pause a moment and say a prayer for the students in my class - If you could, sometime throughout your day, when you have a positive moment - think of the children in my class and think a good thought for them. Thanks.

First Day of School

My goodness the first day of school. Never saw so many tears - child after child being dragged by their parent. Each child crying; "I don't want to go to school." I told each child; "I don't want to come to school either, so lets just try to get through the day together." For the most part it worked. One little boy wouldn't fall for it - he left with his mother. I guess it only proves the point that summer is too long. Children become estranged from the school environment then they just don't want to come back to school. Add to the equation children with emotional and learning disabilities - well, your asking for a lot of tears. Emily, on the other hand has had her backpack ready and her clothes picked out for the past two weeks. So what is the difference? Emily is achieving at the highest level - she scored 600 on the CST. That is the highest score you can get. My highest performing student scored 278 - and that is truly amazing! It is however not good enough. Students know this - those students who are the top of the class, they know it. Those students who are in special day classes - they also know it. They know their year is going to be challenging...period! We are required to present the same material to our students that students like Emily receive. It is not fair or right. It is a dilemma? Yes, children with special needs deserve to be as part of the school community. That goes without saying and should never have been an issue. However, when it comes to the material being taught lets keep it real. A fourth grade student who cannot read their own name is not going to find a lot of educational benefit from a fourth grade text book. It is a fact. I can't teach them at their functioning level-Oh NO, I must teach them at their grade level. Yeah sure! What in the world are people thinking? Ah, you no me - I do what is best for my students - I bend the framework a little bit. Students in my class show consistent improvement on test scores - I do it a little different, in the end the test scores don't lie, different apparently is not wrong! I am one tired little girl. Summer is too long - I am out of "Teacher Shape." My job requires me to stand/walk five hours a day. Go from being a couch potato for two months to standing/walking five hours - my feet hurt, my back hurts, my head hurts, shoot my hands hurt. We'll get up tomorrow and go at it again, and again, and again. It's all good - I love teaching. Don't so much like all the crying - but the teaching that is fun. Working with children keeps you young - and in shape, once I get back in shape - Oh, where is my ice bag? Where is the Tylenol? I better go to bed now, tomorrow gets here so darn soon.

New School Year

Alas, the new school year is upon me - goodness summer was short. No shorter than any other, summer always feels short. I think the older I get the shorter summer is. Days, school days - they are longer. It it OK though - I am tough and I can take it. Teachers here in LA are taking a beating. The media is claiming the failure of California's economy is somehow the fault of teachers. I am not a great economist but that does not make sense. The LA Times rated teachers based on student test scores. Test scores are not a an accurate measurement of teacher effectiveness. I don't reckon there can be a truly objective measure of teacher effectiveness. That is true of any profession which involves the relationship between people as opposed to a monetary increase or decrease - relationships are not quantifiable on the basis of plus or minus so many points on a test score. A car salesman knows he has had a good month when he sells ten cars. A stock broker makes 50,000 that is probably a good day. What of the fireman? How do we measure his worth - or the policeman? You can't. You can't say a policeman is most effective because he arrests 10 people. There may be just one person that policeman doesn't arrest which makes all the difference; either good or bad. A patient may find the kindest nurse only to learn her supervisors do not appreciate her at all. People are not business, though I understand, people are business. I am not opposed to an objective measurement of student improvement, coupled with observation and evaluation - based on objective standards - because the truth is; not everyone likes everyone - if your principal does not like you - regardless of your teaching ability, well your screwed - conversely, a principal can cover up for an inept teacher - and the union; well it serves a valuable purpose and it is a hindrance. What is the answer? There are many options which would work, if the powers that be would get out of the way and let the people in the trenches do their work. Trust is a word I've heard thrown about a lot - what does trust have to do with anything? Is the district hiding assets? No, they are wasting assets! Is the union protecting inept teachers? Yes, they are. Are there any absolutes? No. Isn't this the truth in everything. Jerry Garcia and The Dead had it correct - there are many shades of gray! What is difficult for me is the finger pointing and negative campaigning. This does not help anyone. It will not make any situation better. There is no point in talking about what is wrong - we know what is wrong - How are we going to fix it? It is a WE situation - WE are all responsible for one another and WE must work together if true reform will ever take place. Reform needs to take place, but WE have to be the change we wish to see - the editor of the Times has not spent much time teaching so his skewed perspective is of little importance. Talk to teachers, administrators, office staff, cafeteria staff, yard supervisors, maintenance staff - I'll betcha' the majority will agree that reform is necessary. Most will tell you we have to do more. The honest among us will admit the need for accountability and we will admit the union does protect people who should not be teachers. Oh sure, money is going to be the "buzz" word. We need more money to do anything. Probably we need to reallocate funds so they are utilized effectively. There is a lot of waste around the district - I see it at my school. Multiply that by all the schools in the district - it is a lot of waste - WE need to find solutions. Enough blaming. Crime is up because the economy is down - not because the police no longer are trying to do their jobs. People are short tempered everywhere. There is a lot of pressure on a lot of us, personally, financially, professionally - WE can only get through this time in US History if we come together, if we work together - Today, the day after 9/11 - well today is a good day for the powers that be to step off their high horses and remember who ran into those buildings, who fought those fires, who held hands, who healed - Our country is in crisis. What are WE going to do about it?

I need an off button

My brain needs an off button - I could not fall asleep last night. Why you ask? OK, maybe you don't ask but I am going to tell you - this is what was happening inside my brain - "Tomorrow Emily wants to go to IHOP. I'll get an English muffin, last time I went to IHOP I got sick - need to wear a shirt I can change out of - need to buy some Mountain Dew in the can - those 2 liter plastic bottles - Mountain Dew does not taste good in plastic - Pepsi is OK, Coke is good in a plastic bottle, Mexican Coke in a glass bottle, that is good - Orange, Nehi Orange in a glass bottle chilled over ice - it is cool tonight that's nice - good sleeping weather - Zuko your a bed hog, and I am not a pillow - he thinks I am a pillow - God forbid I should move or roll over - he makes such a sound - Zuko is like sleeping with a heater - I like it cold when I sleep Shoot next week we are back to work - I need to get some more things ready - Tomorrow, tomorrow is Tuesday - that's right - Dr's on Wednesday and Friday, I should write that on the calendar - Oh, I don't want to get up, I'll do it in the morning- You'll forget in the morning - No I won't Dr.'s Wednesday and Friday - I need to go to the dollar store and buy bulletin board borders - need to finish those darned bulletin boards - Goodness would that dog stop barking! Where is that dog - what unit is it in? They probably leave it on the patio and that is why it barks - poor baby - why get  a dog and leave it on the patio. I should sweep the patio - though what's the point the pigeons will just defecate all over it again - I should write a letter to someone about that, can't even use the patio for the pigeons - I don't like pigeons - I wonder how Eileen is doing with her mice problem, do those plug in noise makers work - I don't know that seems weird - I wonder if the mice all march out of the house together - that would be funny - she should get a cat - I miss Sonny, he slept on my feet and kept them warm - Zuko he sleeps curled around my stomach - I am not a pillow - when he is finally settled he takes this long cleansing breath, it just makes me smile - he is a good dog - I need to get gas tomorrow - fill my truck up before I go to the Dr's - Oh shoot I can't - Have to wait for my new ATM card, I wonder if someone stole my identity, they can have it - but not my money - probably should have waited before reporting that charge - now all the bills will be paid late, yet again - maybe I'll just stop paying the bills - what's the point if the world is going to end in 2012 - wouldn't it be cool if we knew for sure - no, probably not - chaos would ensue. No one would do anything - I bet Disneyland would have an increase in attendance - it is the happiest place on Earth. We need to go there - maybe this fall - I like Disneyland. OK, I really need to go to sleep - stop thinking - I wish I had an off button - that is what I need an off button - OK, seriously go to sleep, say Hail Mary's that helps - Hail Mary full of grace - remember that one time you said 150 Hail Mary's and still didn't fall asleep? I wonder if you could say 500 without falling asleep - stop thinking - pray - Hail Mary full of grace the Lord is with thee - that dog really needs to be quiet - he is disrupting my vibe - might as well get up, they say if you don't fall asleep within 20 minutes you should get up and move around - I envy those people who can lie their head on the pillow and fall asleep - I should exercise more - of course school starts next week - pray Lisa pray - Hail Mary full of grace the Lord is with thee blessed art thou amongst women - why do women make less money than men - funny how are society is more sexist than racist - and what if you are a minority woman - boy you really have to battle on two fronts - I like that show food truck race - maybe I will start a food truck - I like to cook and meet people - I'm not going to sleep am I? No, not for a good long time - what time is it? 3:37! Dang, OK, read a book - what should I read? This sucks, I wish I had an off button."

Wondering

Have you ever wondered how many times a person brushes their teeth in their entire life time - I am 47 years and 10 days old - if I brush my teeth an average of two times per day (granted I did not brush my teeth when I was a baby and had no teeth - but we are just wondering things here, we don't have to be exact) I have lived 17, 175 days - brushing my teeth two times a day = 34,350 times - that is a lot of toothpaste. How about how many times have you eaten breakfast. I don't eat breakfast everyday but if I did I would have eaten 17, 175 breakfast meals. That is a lot of eggs. So how many showers have I taken? 17,175 - No, can't say I have showered every day. When we go camping I don't shower. Might be the best part about camping - no showers! I do brush my teeth though - brush, floss, brush! There are some (and I won't name names) whom choose to make fun of me for my dental hygiene. Now let's wonder about work - I started working as a full time teacher at the 20 years of age - that makes 26 years of working. On average I work 225 days a year times 26 years =5,850 days. Of course that does not count the years I worked before the age of 20. Goodness when we owned Tony's we worked everyday. That was 5 years of working everyday. 5 times 365 = 1,825 days plus 5,850 days = 7,675 days of work. Now if I add the days I worked prior to Tony's, babysitting, umpiring, painting/wallpapering/building a house - things like this I'll add another 100 days of work - 7,775 days of work. 17,175 days of life minus  7,775 days of work = 9,400 days I have not worked. Almost half of my living days I have worked - dang that is a lot! 47 birthdays - 17,175 days of life. So I wonder how many baseball games I have watched...162 games in a season; I'll say I watch half of them (that is just an estimate some years more some years less) 81 games a year times 47 years3,807 games. Of course you have to subtract the years when I was too young to watch games - So lets round it to 3,000 baseball games. This is fun! Sometimes being completely rational is the best way to go. Watching the Bones marathon with Emily. The lead character is brilliant and scientific - everything makes sense when you look at it from her analytical point of view. The only time she runs into trouble is when she allows feelings into the her equation - for some reason she keeps falling in love with killers. I think that is just a plot line. Talk about bad judgement! I wish I had an IQ over 200. One time I scored 159 on an IQ test - that is one point shy of genius. Just one point. Just one answer or partial answer could have put me in the genius status - that would be cool to say; "I am a genius." I am so not a genius - Did you know that everyday 36 children find out they have cancer. Doesn't that seem like a lot of kids? How awful! That is a number, a statistic we don't need. Of course it does seem the experts find a new cause for cancer everyday. One day you should not eat ice cream, the next day it is hot dogs - the air we breathe, the cars we drive, the paint on our walls! Is anything safe? I watch a lot of television - in my 17,175 days of life (That doesn't seem like a lot of days, are my calculations bad, I am not a math whiz!) That one point on the IQ test was probably on a math question. Anyway, 4 hours times 17,175 days times 4 hours = 68,700 hours of television watching. If I divide the hours total by 24 = 2,865 days of television watching - OK, that is a lot I'll give you that. Everyone has their guilty pleasures. There should be a double factor in there because the hours of television watching include baseball games which I already calculated - so I won't double count those hours. How much time do you reckon I spend on the computer? How many games of softball have I played? How many meals have I cooked - should I count all the dishes of spaghetti from Tony's? That would be a lot of pasta served. Go ahead - choose something you have done a lot of and calculate the number of times you have done so in your lifetime. It can be fun. Or maybe you don't have anything better to do - or like me you are trying to avoid doing your homework. Lisa out!