This Was My Day

A student, not enrolled in my class, lined up with my students. When I asked him why he replied; "I am not safe in my class." The boy is in kindergarten. I asked him why. "Because the teacher is mean." "What does the teacher do that is mean?" I asked. "She lets other kids pick on me." So I took the book to the principal, explained the situation and headed back to my class. On the way there I see one of my students sitting on a bench crying. I sat down next to him and asked him what was wrong. "My sister and my mom got in a fight last night." "That must have scared you." I replied. "No, they fight a lot, but my sister locked herself in the room and my dad knocked down the door." "What happened when your dad knocked down the door?" I inquired. "My sister called the police." "Did the police come to your house?" "Yeah, and they put my dad in handcuffs, and they had guns, and that scared me." "Did the police take your dad away?" "No, after they talked for a while they let him stay, but when they left everyone was fighting again." "What did you do when they were fighting?" I asked. "I hid under my bed." "You must have been scared under your bed." "I was really scared that my father was going to hurt my sister and then my mom was crying and I didn't know what to do so I just hid under my bed." "Did you stay under your bed a long time?" "I stayed there all night and I am hungry and I am tired, why do they have to fight?" "I don't know honey, I am sorry that happened. How can I help you?" "I am really hungry." So I went to the cafeteria and got the boy some food. We went to class. One of my students was missing. When I asked where he was my assistant said he was in the office. He had been in a fight. It is now 8:20 am, and I am thinking I am too old for this. One of my female students was crying - the other girls did not want to talk to her anymore or be her friend because she is African American. I go to an IEP meeting, but the parent does not show up. Back to class. One student is on the floor in the corner. He is crying. For the past six years he has been moved between his mother in Chicago and his grandmother in LA. His grandmother died. He wants to know what is going to happen to him - I hugged him and told him I didn't know - What do you say? What could I say? A bit later a child, not in my class walks in my room - She says; "Ms. Stewart will you go tell my teacher to tell Sheila (not her real name) to stop picking on me. I did not even know the little girls name. By lunch I was fried - completely exhausted both physically and emotionally. Another child, not in my room, arrives with a note from the principal asking me to allow him to stay in my room for the rest of the day - his teacher needed a break - I'm thinking, dang, I need a break - but this little boy, well he trusts me. He does not trust a lot of people but he trusts me so of course he can stay with me. He stayed with me until I left school at 4:30 pm. He would have come home with me had that been an option. Last weekend one of my students' fathers was deported. She has been a puddle of tears ever since. I spend a lot of the day trying to comfort and reassure her - I don't know what to say to her - I don't know how to help her...All I know is to show up. I show up everyday and I listen, I hug (even though hugging is frowned upon) I offer a bit of laughter and a safe place. Word on campus is if you have a problem go to Ms. Stewart. I am not anything special. There are some wonderful teachers at my school - and many of them do much more than I do. Today was a really tough day. I describe it as trying to fill a well  a teaspoon of water at a time. This is a difficult job - teaching - did I tell you that teaching is now ranked as the third most difficult job in the world. A lot of press has come out lately about how falling test scores and the union protecting unfit teachers, there are unfit teachers - I challenge all the detractors to spend a day in my classroom. Listen to the stories I have to listen to. Try to put band aids on severed arteries. Oh yeah, and teach standards so the children will pass standardized tests. I should have been a dentist. When you have your hands in someones mouth they can't really talk. And no one really wants to go to the dentist anyway. Yeah, today was a really hard day. You know what? I will show up tomorrow. I will show up tomorrow and I will do the best I can. Problem is, I know before going into the day, the best I can won't be good enough. I start the day knowing I am already behind, and I have a bum leg - can't run as fast as I use to. But I will show up and that counts. Right, that counts?