College Sports

It being the end of the college year, there are a multitude of championships taking place.  I found Watching the Women's Softball Super Regionals refreshing. These women will not become professional softball players.  They will not be recruited by agents or pro teams.  What they are playing for is the moment, their teammates, and their schools.  How refreshing to know they are not compromised by the flash of money or future fame.  Jim Tressell was forced to resign from Ohio State - his sweater vest torn to shreds one thread at a time by his arrogance.  Sports pundits say he is a great coach.  I even heard his legacy is not tarnished by the culture he allowed among his football program.  The college sports which have the potential for its athletes to go pro for millions of dollars, well they are ripe for the picking.  One would be naive to think players on Division IA schools are not receiving academic assistance, financial assistance, or both.  College sports have become minor league training programs for pro-football and pro-baseball.  If you are an excellent football player, if you have been touted and recruited since you were in middle school - your sense of entitlement is understandable.  It is sad that these young men lose the joy of playing for a team; most of these young men are playing for a big payday when they turn pro.  It is refreshing watching college sports programs when the players are going to become professionals in the academic field they studied not the sports they played.  I would feel bad for the athlete who knows if the cards fall in the right places they will become overnight millionaires.  Shame on the alumni of universities who participate and promote athletes in the direction of cheating. How sad their lives are that they insinuate their money into the lives of college athletes as a means to retain a bit of the magic of those college years.  Some believe paying college athletes is the answer - are they not already getting paid - 4 years of college at a major university; that costs some $$$$. Isn't that enough? The tears shed by the women on losing softball teams this weekend were genuine.  The pain of losing was real.  For senior players that was it - their last game, the last time they put on their uniform - the last time they were representing their university.  Sure most will continue playing rec softball, there are some fast pitch leagues during the summer months they could participate in - not live on, just participate in.  Lacrosse has a pro-league - it isn't enough to live on but college lacrosse players could move on to that league...most won't.  Only an elite few could make enough money playing professional lacrosse - College basketball players admit they are only going to university for one or two years then they will enter the NBA draft.  I don't believe I would want that player on my team, no matter how good he was.  I would rather have the scrappy over achieving kid who will commit to four years, the kid who is not going to be a professional ball player, the kid who is playing for the team - the kid who beams every time he puts on his jersey.  This is the kid I want on my team.  It doesn't work that way though.  Big time college coaches need to win, and they need to win today - so they bend over backwards recruiting the "best" athletes for their programs.  That is sad.  And how they rattle the cages when a kid says; "No thanks, I want to stay in college." Why that kid is just plain crazy - giving up millions of dollars to stay in college.  I wish I had stayed in college - college years are the best; you are independent yet you live in this cocoon.  How amazing is that! I wish I was still in college - Now when I was in college I could not wait to get out! Oh, I believed so much in having my own place, a car, a job - you know being a grown up.  30 years of being a grown up has taught me it isn't all its cracked up to be.  Pete Carroll jumped ship at USC because he saw the writing on the wall.  All the years of corner cutting were about to catch up with him.  Tressel must have thought his sweater vest was made of Teflon and nothing was going to stick to him.  As a society we want our children to read when they are two, start school when they are four, start taking standardized tests when they are six - my goodness what is the point? Let children have their childhoods.  No way a 7th grade student should be contacted by a university - what does a 7th grader know about what college he/she wants to attend? a 7th grader is worried about acne, being with the "in" group, and who to sit with during lunch.  Shame on parents who don't hang up the phone on these recruiters! There are a lot of years of being a grown up and so few years of childhood.  If you live to be 80 you will work for 60 years and be free of responsibility for maybe 20.  You do the math - really do the math because I stink at math - all I know is that 60 years of working is a lot more than 20 years of playing.  Let children be children.  Turn off the television, get rid of the video games and cell phones - Oh, I know, everyone has one and everyone does it so we mus all be sheep and follow the herd right to the slaughter - that makes sense! What happened to being outside when the sun came up and being on the porch before the street lights came on - or darkness - what happened to making secret clubhouses and forts - what happened to playing hospscotch? I guess I am just a silly minded person, but I still believe children should be sheltered from violent video games, and suggestive television shows.  I still believe a game of hide N seek is more fun than some death match four video game.  I reckon this is why I like the fair, or an amusement park - an adult screaming on a roller coaster is a beautiful sound, while the kid sitting next to him is just laughing.  We all need to retain a little bit of freedom from being grown up - some days we need a lot of relief from being a grown up - at the very least we need to take a good hard look at how we are raising our children - can't we just let them "play" because playing is fun - instead of "play" becoming practice - practice is not playing.  Oh if only wishing could make it all come true.

Square One

So after 22 days in the hospital - having undergone every test known to mankind...been poked and prodded by specialist after specialist...undergone a hideous brain operation I sit here tonight right back where I started - in pain, exhausted, dazed and confused - Neurosurgeon has done his work; it didn't work or fix what is ailing me - However, he is a cutter and his cutting is done.  What he removed the andonema/cyst, didn't fix anything - good to have it done, needed to have it done - eventually it would have caused problems of its own.  I am deflated.  Would have rather they found a big old brain tumor which they could remove.  Then I could heal.  Then I could move on with my life.  It is in the patent's bill of rights - every patient is entitled to a diagnosis, course of treatment options, and a prognosis - My rights have been violated.  The doctors who treated me use words like enigma, anomaly, medical mystery - Even suggested I go on that mystery diagnosis television show - Poopy said it best; "That is why they call it practicing medicine." They are practicing, I am the practice court with the ball bouncing all over me.  Please forgive me this night of frustration; As I continue to feel worse, as I continue to wonder "What the hell is going on?" As of right this moment what I know for certain is that God believes in me, God loves me...God has always provided for me.  He has always brought me the gifts of love, friendships, strength, humility, family, and one stubborn mentality.  For certainty I know I am loved by so many people - I know for certainty I am loved.  OK, I know for certainty that on this night I am frustrated.  Oh, and this will pass - Tomorrow the sun is going to come up, and despite how I feel right now, tomorrow is going to be better - I will find a way to get to the next step, then lift my bad old leg and I will get up that step.  I don't know what's up there - I do know I will take that step! It is difficult to comprehend how very much scientist can do - the amazing feats of doctors, science, medicine - I hear enigma, anomaly, mystery; believe Lisa, keep believing.  My glass is overflowing, there is a reason for all of this.  Reckon I would rather God told me what it was - that is not his plan...Don't know his plan, I trust him though.  I trust him without question, without doubt, without any reservations.  It is to him I give myself completely.  It is in his hands I rest.  Tonight's frustration will pass.  I still have a paper to write (gosh that paper is heavy) Just get R done goofy! I am looking forward to celebrating my 30 year high school reunion.  FB has brought the class of 81' back! I am looking forward to seeing people I have not seen in, well, in 30 years - that should be cool.  Then a week with my family in the beautiful mountains of North Carolina Mountains.  That is going to be great!  My nephew is going to teach me how to drive a boat - I don't know how, cool - cross it off my bucket list; well, first I added it to my bucket list, then I will cross it off my bucket list.  I enjoy spending time with Rosie, Herbie, Maggie, and Patrick - Poopy and Jessica will be there - Oh, goodness how great will that be? And I am going to see Bug A Boo and meet her husband, finally! Spend some time with them.  All of these wonderful things I have to look forward to - silly me, being frustrated or deflated - waste of my time.  Obviously, the doctors "practicing" on me need more practice - then the next person who comes along will not have to be "practiced" on quite so much - perhaps their quest for treatment will become much easier.  Hey somebody has to jump in the pool first, you know test the waters.  Too bad I wasn't more photogenic, that would increase the chances of getting on Mystery Diagnosis - Though, tell me, if your doctor is suggesting you go on a reality TV show, wouldn't that make you a bit nervous - Nah, wait, YES! Yes, it makes me a bit nervous.  My dear friend Lynn drove me to the doctors today - rush hour traffic on a Thursday - there she was picking me up and bringing me home, giving me a hug when I could not hold back my tears.  See, a gift right there, right then! They (doctors) may never find out what is causing me to be sick.  Maybe I will have to wait until I am sitting at his table before I know what exactly, within my body, did me in - So I have to wait, Waiting is not my best skill, Oh well, what'cha gonna do.  I am going to watch Syracuse win the Div IA Lacrosse championships this weekend, finish my paper - make a dish of macaroni salad - it is one of my specialities.  I can't tell you the secret ingredient, trust me though, my Mac salad kicks butt! Oh with some Glaziers hot dogs - MMMMMM! Say a prayer tonight for all those who lost so much during the hurricanes, tornadoes, flooding etc.  Say a prayer for those who lost their lives, and for those who survived - we, the survivors, we hurt more for those called home are so blessed.  When we mourn, it is for ourselves, for the hole in our own hearts - and we pay tribute and pay our respects by getting up and living fully! Crying tears changes nothing - they will flow, just don't make puddles with the tears! Make a pool and go swimming! Tired though, now I am, emotional ups and downs do make us seek sleep - off in that direction.  Thank you to each of you who take the time to read my silly words and idle meandering thoughts - knowing someone reads makes me feel good - Ya' just never know when the choice you make will make a difference in someone else's life; don't be afraid to reach out, reach up, reach back - Don't be afraid! Tomorrow is going to be a great day (I've got to finish that paper) Y'all have a great day or night, depending on when you read this - know I love you, even if I don't know you and you randomly googled your way onto this blog - you anonymous reader, yes you too I love - now go forth and commit an act of kindness, say a prayer of thanks - raise your voice in praise to God, chuckle - skip, buy a fudgicle or an ice cream on a stick (but don't touch the wooden handle) Night!

Reflecting

So, after I earned my Masters Degree - Actually, about 15 years ago I completed all the coursework for a Masters Degree.  One small snafu; prior to graduating there was a form and a $35 fee which needed completing - I did not know that, so I did not fill it out.  Hence I could not receive the degree for which I had completed the coursework.  Oh, I protested.  I contacted everyone I knew at the university.  My advisor wrote letters.  No go! Instead the university required completion of an additional five classes.  I declined.  This is a time when being stubborn was not to my advantage.  Most often being stubborn has served me well.  Having a stubborn streak gets you up when you feel like staying down.  15 years later, I "walked" across a stage, they handed me a nice degree holder, and #1 on my bucket list was crossed off.  It felt good.  I had to let go of my self-loathing for allowing all the years to pass.  I left it on that stage.  Now, on to #2 on my bucket list.  That darned motorcycle license.  Not that I plan on getting a bike and riding across the country.  I enjoy riding a motorcycle.  Riding or driving, either is OK with me.  Frank takes me riding with him.  Really, I would like a little scooter to scoot about on.  I also want to go to Boston and visit my Bug A Boo; meet her husband and catch a Red Sox game.  Heck, they (the Sox) might even lose.  I would like to revisit Cape Cod.  Many fond memories there.  A cruise is on my list.  A short cruise, I don't know about being on a ship and not seeing land - start small.  We did a lot of celebrating these past few days.  Poopy flew in from Dallas.  Liz, Emily, Donald, & Shelly came to the ceremony.  On Saturday, Annalee, Lynn A., Lynn B., The Billster, Jessica, Donald, Suzanne, Chris, Tony, Liz, Emily  & Poopy went to my favorite restaurant - Gladstones in Malibu.  We celebrated again.  Gladstones has changed.  No more peanut shells on the floor.  All fancy now.  Last time I was there parking was $2.00, now it is $6.00.  Guess I haven't been there in a while.  Can't imagine how parking spaces could have appreciated so much.  They are not any bigger than they use to be.  They are not covered.  Same old spaces costing $4.00 more.  How silly is that? It is similar to gas prices.  On the way to work it cost $4.18, on the way home it is $.4.25.  How could the price of gas already in the stores tanks become more expensive? It makes no sense.  Waiting 15 years to complete my masters made no sense.  You know what makes no sense - worker's compensation! This my friends is a system befuddling the greatest minds on Earth! I was injured at work.  I was doing my job.  I was injured.  That was almost  four years ago.  My leg is still injured.  It is worse.  Other body parts are now injured.  All the compensating for my right leg has caused injuries to, well, practically the rest of my body in its entirety.  The WC company could have fixed my leg three years ago, been done and gone by now.  Last Monday I had a psychiatric evaluation.  5 hours of interview followed by standardized tests.  One test was 567 questions.  Not 55o or 575, 567 questions - does that make any sense? One test was two hundred questions.  Do you prefer gophers or skunks? Given last summers gopher catastrophe, well, I owe gophers one.  Do you think that response will tip the scales for or against me? Since I was injured I am not the same person.  Losing the ability to participate in athletic activities was a huge loss.  I do what I can.  Sometimes I do more than I should - suffer for it later - that's is the price I pay.  Some suit somewhere, what price is he paying? Oh, I know, none.  I am merely a number they wish they could erase.  That is their plan, I think so anyway - drag it out figuring I will just give in.  My leg is busted and it should be fixed.  When you can't work you don't make money, and that causes stress, and stress makes lupus more active, and you sit around a lot and feel useless and lonely - you change.  Change is not necessarily a good or bad thing.(though a lot of the changes happening are not good) Some changes are good.  A lot of time spent reflecting.  Determining what I want to be when I grow up.  Trying to figure out what I am going to do with my life.  What direction is the wind going to blow me or should I grab the rudder and steer? I don't know.  Seems a lot more questions are around my head than answers.  I am proud of myself for sticking it out and completing my degree.  22 days in the hospital, brain surgery, leg injured, any of those could have been excuses to quit.  I chose to find reasons to succeed.  Reckon I need to do that now - as I reflect - I need to find the reasons to succeed.  I need to find my true north and head in that direction.  Not with a GPS or an App from my iPhone - need to use that compass God gave me.  I just need to get some business done.  Finish my thesis paper and this workers comp issue - then, well then, shoot I don't know.  I guess I will have to stop reflecting and start walking.  I am lucky though because I have so many places I can walk to.  I am loved by so many people - I can pick any direction and head that way, before too long I'll bump into someone who loves me.  That my friends is such a gift.  Brings me peace and gives me strength.  Yes, this is a time of transition - crossing number 1 off the list - change is coming - wonder what it will bring.  How exciting! Y'all will come with me right? We'll start this next phase of growing up together.  Let's just see where it takes us -

Mothers Day

I have to say today is not one of my favorite days.  It reminds me of having lost two mothers.  Though I have been blessed with the love of many women who have loved me as their own - well, there was only one Momma in my life.  She was the sun in the sky and the stars in the constellations.  I have a picture of Mommie, she is sitting at the table, there I am hanging on her arm.  In another picture she is on the couch, there I am hanging on her arm.  I was only three or four years old - I reckon I held on to her from the moment she brought me home.  Even today, I hang on to her.  With all I do I try to make her proud.  I think of her looking down from heaven, and I want to be sure she is smiling.  You never outgrow the need for your Mom.  Don't know why that is - If you are lucky, as I was, you develop a relationship as an adult with your Mom.  A time when you see each other as people - When you as an adult are still your Mommie's little girl yet, you are also her friend.  As teenagers it is difficult to be friends with our Moms.  Teenagers girls are striving for identity and Moms are trying to save us from ourselves.  Then one day, over time, we grow up - and we recognize the wisdom our Mothers possess.  One day we are so grateful for their guidance, their words of wisdom, their support, and their unconditional love.  When we get to this point in our lives, we are really lucky.  If you still have your Mom, and you have this relationship with her - if you can still have lunch with her, or go shopping, or be with her on this day - thank your lucky stars.  As I sit here, just wanting this day to be over - I am thankful for all the women who have loved me, who have given me guidance, who have supported me - but I only had one Mommie.  After all these years that big hole in my heart has never been filled.  You never know when the last time will be the last time, so make every moment matter.  Celebrate every moment.  Soak her in, and keep her close - Goodness I miss you Mommie, I know you are keeping watch over me, I love you still and always.

The skeptic in me started to chirp last night - my patriotism livened while watching people gather with American flags and chanting USA.  No death should be cause for celebration - ten years later we celebrated the death of Usama Bin Laden.  He has been buried at sea.  Of course the skeptic in me wonders about the timing of Bin Laden's death.  Memorial Day around the corner and gas pricing getting ready to hit $5.00, with President Obama facing a tough reelection campaign, with unemployment continuing to rise, and forecloses do continue to rise - well, the skeptic in me wonders - just my mind meandering to questions about the timing of Bin Laden's death? Our government needs a lift, our citizens need a lift - this is a lift.  Is it enough to distract us from issues which are effecting the quality of our daily lives.  Started looking for plane tickets to Burlington so I can attend my HS reunion, and tickets to Charlotte to spend time with my family - airplane tickets are crazy expensive.  Will more families have the opportunity for travel this summer because Bin Laden is dead? Can I fill my gas tank for less than a hundred bucks? Will there be more jobs created? Can we bring home our troops from Afghanistan and Pakistan and Libya - public enemy #1 is dead; will this give us closure? Do you think other countries view us differently today than they did yesterday? Do you feel different? Are you worried, as I am, Al Quieda will find a means for retaliation? Bin Laden's judge is God and God alone - what we have is vengeance - justice? There is no justice here.  Whether we rid the world of Bin Laden ten years ago or yesterday, nothing fixes the hearts and souls crushed on September 11.  So, I don't know how I feel.  I wanted the man dead.  Now he is dead and I don't feel good about that.  I feel sad.  I am skeptical. I have spent much of the past twenty four hours praying for the thousands who have lost their lives looking for him.  The men and women who continue to fight terrorism.  The thousands who died on 09/11.  A weird place my mind is right now - I reckon it will take time to process all of it.  I have a slow processor.  Hasn't been updated in a long time, old school I am.  Yesterday brought to conclusion ten years of hunting, what difference will this make in the next ten years of our lives?