Reflecting

So, after I earned my Masters Degree - Actually, about 15 years ago I completed all the coursework for a Masters Degree.  One small snafu; prior to graduating there was a form and a $35 fee which needed completing - I did not know that, so I did not fill it out.  Hence I could not receive the degree for which I had completed the coursework.  Oh, I protested.  I contacted everyone I knew at the university.  My advisor wrote letters.  No go! Instead the university required completion of an additional five classes.  I declined.  This is a time when being stubborn was not to my advantage.  Most often being stubborn has served me well.  Having a stubborn streak gets you up when you feel like staying down.  15 years later, I "walked" across a stage, they handed me a nice degree holder, and #1 on my bucket list was crossed off.  It felt good.  I had to let go of my self-loathing for allowing all the years to pass.  I left it on that stage.  Now, on to #2 on my bucket list.  That darned motorcycle license.  Not that I plan on getting a bike and riding across the country.  I enjoy riding a motorcycle.  Riding or driving, either is OK with me.  Frank takes me riding with him.  Really, I would like a little scooter to scoot about on.  I also want to go to Boston and visit my Bug A Boo; meet her husband and catch a Red Sox game.  Heck, they (the Sox) might even lose.  I would like to revisit Cape Cod.  Many fond memories there.  A cruise is on my list.  A short cruise, I don't know about being on a ship and not seeing land - start small.  We did a lot of celebrating these past few days.  Poopy flew in from Dallas.  Liz, Emily, Donald, & Shelly came to the ceremony.  On Saturday, Annalee, Lynn A., Lynn B., The Billster, Jessica, Donald, Suzanne, Chris, Tony, Liz, Emily  & Poopy went to my favorite restaurant - Gladstones in Malibu.  We celebrated again.  Gladstones has changed.  No more peanut shells on the floor.  All fancy now.  Last time I was there parking was $2.00, now it is $6.00.  Guess I haven't been there in a while.  Can't imagine how parking spaces could have appreciated so much.  They are not any bigger than they use to be.  They are not covered.  Same old spaces costing $4.00 more.  How silly is that? It is similar to gas prices.  On the way to work it cost $4.18, on the way home it is $.4.25.  How could the price of gas already in the stores tanks become more expensive? It makes no sense.  Waiting 15 years to complete my masters made no sense.  You know what makes no sense - worker's compensation! This my friends is a system befuddling the greatest minds on Earth! I was injured at work.  I was doing my job.  I was injured.  That was almost  four years ago.  My leg is still injured.  It is worse.  Other body parts are now injured.  All the compensating for my right leg has caused injuries to, well, practically the rest of my body in its entirety.  The WC company could have fixed my leg three years ago, been done and gone by now.  Last Monday I had a psychiatric evaluation.  5 hours of interview followed by standardized tests.  One test was 567 questions.  Not 55o or 575, 567 questions - does that make any sense? One test was two hundred questions.  Do you prefer gophers or skunks? Given last summers gopher catastrophe, well, I owe gophers one.  Do you think that response will tip the scales for or against me? Since I was injured I am not the same person.  Losing the ability to participate in athletic activities was a huge loss.  I do what I can.  Sometimes I do more than I should - suffer for it later - that's is the price I pay.  Some suit somewhere, what price is he paying? Oh, I know, none.  I am merely a number they wish they could erase.  That is their plan, I think so anyway - drag it out figuring I will just give in.  My leg is busted and it should be fixed.  When you can't work you don't make money, and that causes stress, and stress makes lupus more active, and you sit around a lot and feel useless and lonely - you change.  Change is not necessarily a good or bad thing.(though a lot of the changes happening are not good) Some changes are good.  A lot of time spent reflecting.  Determining what I want to be when I grow up.  Trying to figure out what I am going to do with my life.  What direction is the wind going to blow me or should I grab the rudder and steer? I don't know.  Seems a lot more questions are around my head than answers.  I am proud of myself for sticking it out and completing my degree.  22 days in the hospital, brain surgery, leg injured, any of those could have been excuses to quit.  I chose to find reasons to succeed.  Reckon I need to do that now - as I reflect - I need to find the reasons to succeed.  I need to find my true north and head in that direction.  Not with a GPS or an App from my iPhone - need to use that compass God gave me.  I just need to get some business done.  Finish my thesis paper and this workers comp issue - then, well then, shoot I don't know.  I guess I will have to stop reflecting and start walking.  I am lucky though because I have so many places I can walk to.  I am loved by so many people - I can pick any direction and head that way, before too long I'll bump into someone who loves me.  That my friends is such a gift.  Brings me peace and gives me strength.  Yes, this is a time of transition - crossing number 1 off the list - change is coming - wonder what it will bring.  How exciting! Y'all will come with me right? We'll start this next phase of growing up together.  Let's just see where it takes us -