Grey's Anatomy

Grey's Anatomy is a good show. What I most enjoy are the monologues which begin and end each episode. The words spoken are not just hyperbole - they actually have some meaning. A lot yesterday was about choosing - where do you choose to go when everything you once knew is gone, or at least irrevocably changed? That is where I am at in my own life - so I wonder, where do I go from here when everything I believed to be truth is no longer such? Change is inevitable, it is the only constant in life - so we have to adapt. Now, I must adapt and I must change. I must find the next step and move on. Forward tally ho! It is the "letting go" which staggers me like a boxer's punch. Never easy the letting go - not in any situation. When it is unexpected, unwanted, and when I was unprepared - well, now I have to adapt. The change is upon me whether I like it or not...what am I going to do. Lately I have a repetitive dream in which I am projectile vomiting some white, chunky stuff - in the dream I fall to the ground, the white chunky stuff is still coming out of my mouth at an alarming rate (it's actually kind of weird because I swear I wake up with the most sour taste in my mouth) anyway, while I am lying on the ground several strangers come and taunt me with dishes of oatmeal, pudding, eggs - they ask me if I want a bite and they laugh at me. I take this dream as my subconscious purging. What I am unable to do in my conscious state my subconscious is trying to do for me. Of course the other night I had a dream I went to the emergency room and asked them to amputate my right leg - my leg has been hurting so much and there is no end in sight. Lawyers only care about the $$$, the worker's comp company only cares about minimizing their exposure - the district just wants it to all go away - shoot I want it all to go away! The pain, that would be nice - should not have to live like this. Standing there one morning and two years later my life is still backside up. Oh, yes I am struggling - My life is at a crossroads - not a place I intended to be, yet here I am - I'll figure it out and I'll get through it. Change, that inevitable event we both embrace and fear. Change brings about great things and opens new doors. Change forces us to move outside of our comfort zone - and that is scary. Change brings us to discovery of new things, this can be good. Change will take us up higher and sometimes it will bring us to some lower valleys - but we get through, we survive - Ah, that which does not kill us makes us stronger. I must be strong as an ox! Nah, not really, I'll survive this change - I just need to figure out where I am suppose to go  and a way to get there, then pack up and head in that direction - this change has come and I must adapt or die - I am not going to go out like that.