48 years

The sunsets on my 48th birthday. So many people contributed towards making this day special. I have officially lived twice as long as my biological mother. No I did not know her except for a small diary she kept. Most of it was written in German. Aldona Mae found someone to translate it for me. So what I know of my biological mother is that she did not like Germany. She wrote about the cold and the wood stove not keeping her warm. She was married to my father but in love with a man named Peter. She would never leave my father but she wished he was home more. She did not like motherhood. She felt overwhelmed and often sought help from Aldona Sr. And Mrs. Murphy. In a bar, one night, in 1990, a woman walked up to me - she asked if I was Lisa Stewart? I told her I was. This woman said she was one of the nurses there when I was born. She said, Eva, was malnourished and weak, but she pushed through the delivery...a few moments after I came out, Eva sat up and asked: "Is the baby alright?" Though I was underweight and not breathing they told her I was fine. This nurse said: "Then your mother lied back down, her heart stopped beating and she died." the nurse went on to say she would never forget that moment. Eva lived long enough so I could be delivered. I survived and have now lived twice as long as she did. Though the day of my birth is also a day of remembrance I still celebrate. I celebrate for both of us. If I look at the past with rose colored glasses or retell the happy memories, I do so because those are the memories which matter. At my brother Scotty's funeral I said: "We can remember moments of weakness or a lifetime of love.". Scotty was a tough nut. He did many things for which he felt such remorse, and he tried to atone for his failings. Family, faith, and Malone. The man loved Malone. He loved to ride around and point out all the buildings his grandfather or father, or he himself helped build. Where a building was crumbling he saw potential. As Main Street stores kept closing he kept looking for new businesses to lure to Malone. His dream was to make a coffe table book, photographs of North Country barns which had been built by community members coming together - Barn Raising was to be it's title. But Scotty did not have time to make the book. I hope one day I can take those photographs. I would title the book; "Through Scotty's Eyes." One day when Mommie was in ICU, Scotty came to the hospital. We waited for the ten minutes you could go in and see your family member. Mommie was hooked up to machines, she was in a coma. I sat next to her, held her hand, fixed her hair, tried to apply a little lipstick ( Mommie went no where without lipstick!) Scotty stood a few feet away. I told him he could come closer, talk to her, touch her. He couldn't do it. Just tears in his eyes, grateful when our time was up. Outside he said to me; Egghead(that was his I love you name for me), he said Egghead you are something special." my only response was love gives you strength you never knew you had. Which brings me back to Eva, love gave her strength so I could live theses 48 years. I have been blessed and I have been burdened. There are yet mountains to climb, flaws to fix and demons to banish...and two books to finish. I better get busy! See, I choose to remember the good things, the happy memories, and you can say I revise history...that is a good thing isn't it? For life will toss & tumble you like socks in the dryer, yet it is always your choice as to the memories you keep and the ones you let go of. Reckon I'll just keep on keeping on with happy memories at least until I am twice my current age. Thank you Eva for loving me enough.