Rollercoaster

Love is not "like" a roller coaster - being in love is a roller coaster - You see, even to get into an amusement park is expensive, however, when you are falling in love you will drop twenties like jelly beans on Easter. You only need to look at the person you love - that is all it takes - just one look - then you find the biggest, baddest coaster you can. The line is long, and it is hot; but that is cool! As you move back and forth through that line your anticipation is building. It feels so good to feel this excited! This is what we dream of. This is what movies are made of. This thing, being in love, this is what we seek; our souls and our hearts - this is what we seek. This is LMN and a Danielle Steele novel all rolled together in perfect harmony. In line for the roller coaster, you only need look in your lover's eyes and butterflies take flight in your stomach. The brightness of her smile will illuminate the darkest of times; you are sure of this - you know it. This time you are doing it right! You have learned from your past mistakes. You are ready. Along the ropes, following the path you move closer to the roller coaster. Every moment is anticipation. Every moment is happening too fast and too slow - it is a simultaneous calm and fear. Finally, you get to the coaster platform - and there it is - that big bad roller coaster - being in love for the long haul. Once you get in the car, the harness will come down, and there you are with the one you love, and it just feels so darn good. You wonder how you got so lucky. How did you get such a blessing. Just before you get in that car you offer thanks to the heavens for once again sending you what you needed when you needed it most; You leap into that car, the harness comes down over your shoulders - you look to your left and there is your love, your life - your future; all that has come before has been only a prelude to this moment. This is it! The real thing! There are not enough prayers of thanks, there are not enough words of expression - you look again at the light in her eyes, the joy in her smile - the ride begins...click, click, click, click, click, click - slowly you ascend and with each click you fall deeper. With each click you are more sure. Your palms are sweating, your heart is pounding, and finally you have it all right here - click, click, click, click, click, your heart syncs with the car as it ascends that first climb - and for a few seconds; there at the top - the whole world is spread before you and you have no control - you have surrendered everything to your heart and to your love and you want nothing else than this moment, this time - you look again to your left, at the woman you are in love with - "Darn, how did I get so lucky? Thank you God." SWOOSH! That first fall takes your breath away, your heart is somewhere in your throat, you are screaming like a kid, your hands so sweaty they slip off the handles of the harness - you are free! WOW! It feels amazing - freedom in another's arms; freedom in another's heart, freedom in another's breath. The coaster whirls, turns, and tips you upside down.  You love all of it, every second is life and love. Each turn is a milestone in your relationship.  Each upside-down, stomach wrenching, eyes watering, twist brings you closer together. Yes, this is it! Wait, what is happening - No, no, no, why are we stopping? Wait, I'm not ready. No, don't slow down! Let's keep riding. Let's get back in line. The car comes to a stop. The harness releases. You look to your left. You look to find the eyes that melt your heart and the smile that lit your life - there is no one there. Now your head is spinning. You are going to throw up. Your eyes won't focus. The pimple faced line attendant is telling you to get out. "No, I don't want to get out. Where did she go? Just let us go around again. Please!" That sweat soaked teenager is looking at you like you have lost your mind. The coaster scrambled your brain - he signals to the girl in the engine room. He shrugs his shoulders. Not being one to make a scene you debort. Down the stairs. Then it hits you - this massive rush of humanity. You are going to throw up. You feel disoriented. What was once anticipation is now pain. What once was hope is now tears. You are alone. You need to sit down. Not on a bench - no, you don't want to have eye contact with anyone - on the ground. You find a spot on the ground. In a corner you sit and you keep your eyes down. Never let them see you cry. Shaking your head you wonder what happened. When did you start to ride that coaster alone. You started out with your lover and you ended up alone. How did that happen? The butterflies have turned to stones. The light from her smile is gone - she is gone - What the hell happened? OK, you have to get out of that park. You have to get away from that coaster. The line continues. It is long. New love, young love - God it hurts to see their happiness. On the way out you will find a lot of pennies - your eyes will never leave the ground. You don't want to look into anyone's eyes - you will never see that light again. You don't want to look into anyone's face - you will never see that beauty again. No one will hold your heart again. Experience is the best teacher. Time heals all wounds. Some are able to get back on that roller coaster. Not me. Found I don't have the stomach for it. Don't want to hurt this bad again. Don't want to cry this much again. Enough for me! Enough! What of the truth? Reckon it doesn't matter - must not for it is not being spoken. Broken hearts really do physically hurt. Broken promises, lost dreams, shattered faith - Yes, some will open their eyes again - That is good for them. No, not me. Enough! Thought I had it right this time. Thought I had, I was wrong. Damn, how could I have been so wrong? Comes a point when you have poured your whole being into making it work - kicker is - love is not a one way street. Or as Mommie would say; "It takes two to tango." I've been dancing solo - I'll get up and I'll move on - but as some corny line from some corny song - I will never love this way again. And as Gloria Gaynor sang; "I will survive." Right now though, I've got to tell you it hurts a whole lot. This too shall pass. God never gives us more than we can bear. There is a purpose for everything. One window closes another one opens...anyone else have cliche I could borrow?