12/14/2012

We won't forget this day, this school, the name of the town - not forgetting is not the same as working for change - change so we have no more such dates to remember.
I watched a little of the news coverage. Then I turned the channel to Hot in Cleveland. The images, the reality of it, my goodness the utter grief. Hot in Cleveland is so silly it will make you laugh.
As a I was trying to fall asleep I was wishing I was dead. Not because I don't want to be here; I wanted to be there in heaven. I wanted to hold those babies. I wanted to do something.
When I finally drifted off to sleep I dreamt - this was my dream. It was today, Saturday, December 15, 2012. As those in power can do an entire parade had been set up for children. Each child would ride in a car with their favorite celebrity; Dave Winfield, Justin Bieber, Derek Jeter, Magic Johnson, Taylor Swift.  At the Stadium people were excited. I was selected to sit in the stands. Every where you looked there were politicians, sports figures, celebrities...the cast of Glee was performing. President Obama, Michelle and their two girls were there. Billy Crystal in his seat. Mayor Guiliani in his seat. It was a party atmosphere. Everyone was so excited. Then the cars began to pull up. A child alone would see their parent and say; "I want you mommy," "I want you daddy." The cars were not convertible tops with happy children on their way to see Santa at Yankee Stadium.  The cars were white hearse's. We weren't at Yankee Stadium. We were at St. Patrick's Cathedral. Each time I woke up crying. I would feel so crappy because of my excitement-being a part of it all. If I fell asleep again back to the same dream.  As I poured my morning Mountain Dew I cried. I felt guilty. I was excited to be a part of something so horrendous. My mind was in two places. I could not bring it all together. The shooter was a young man - his mother owned these weapons.
27 years I taught children with special needs. There were a few students who had what we called "empty eyes." These were the children whose families we stayed in constant contact with. We called social services, county mental help, private counseling and therapy groups. Some students were 7 or 8 years old. Some of these students were in their teens. Any teacher worth their salt will tell you of the child with the "empty eyes."
Politicians make races for highest test scores student needs be damned. Administrators push teachers to push students because you must swallow this much of material in this amount of time - oh you need it a little slower, sorry. Oh, you need it a little faster - sorry. Don't say God in school. Don't speak of faith. Holiday shows not Christmas Shows. Frosty the Snowman is a Jolly Happy Soul! He is not of faith?
I can't think anymore - I wish I was in heaven to hold those babies.