Tossing and Turning

     Last night as I tossed and turned, turned and tossed (poor Zuko, he lies curled, foot of the bed) my inability to sleep like a normal person is long documented. One doctor wrote; "Lisa yearns for sleep." I don't know if I yearn for sleep but I sure would like a good ten hours at a time. Though as you get older you are supposed to require less sleep. I have it all wrong. Surprise, surprise!
     Anyway, last night while I was not asleep I was thinking. (Yet another surprise) I should avoid thinking and sleep more. Believe it or not I do try to sleep. Keep a routine. Exercise early. Take a sleep aide, wait 20 minutes, lie down in dark room. I have unplugged every noise source, every light source.
     I cannot lie on my left or right side - begins to burn. Can't lie on my stomach - hips, back, shoulders, and elbows. Cannot lie on my back - well, that sleeping on your back is just weird. (plus you snore when you sleep on your back) Medicine to stop pain keeps me awake. What's a girl to do?
     Thinking, last night, about my irregular sleep pattern this came to mind.
     Did it start when I was awakened by screams of fear, pain, anger - or was it after, when I stayed awake so I could hear when they came home. Intervene before the screaming started. That was my job. Keep the peace. Take the blame so no one else had to feel bad. It might have started when my sleep was interrupted by a rapist lifting me from my bed, carrying me down the hall, doing what he did - or after, when I kept my eyes on the door. My ears tuned into sounds. Hear the pocket door slide open, see hallway light creep into my bedroom, see his hand reach in and remove the slide lock - Could be I developed poor sleep habits very young.
     Maybe it was later - when exhaustion took me at noon but I did not stop until midnight...until my mind was exhausted from fighting pain and pain fragmented my sleep. Or after, when medicine to stop the pain simply kept me awake.
     Does not matter. I am trying to correct the problem.  I have done my research.
     Anyone have any suggestions. You think I would accomplish more for all my wakeful hours. Nope, I toss and turn. Trying with all my might to drift off. I sure would like to sleep normal. Would not be so much like me - doing it normal.  Guess I don't want to give up my only claim to fame...Ah, give it a rest Lisa. Hah, that is funny!