Cold Case...

Cold Case is a television show. I don't know if you have ever watched it, it is a good show. The detectives are assigned to solving cold cases (hence the name). Anyway, I was just watching an old episode - had me in tears. The story was about Philly during the 1970's when a black family moved into a white neighborhood. The family was not wanted there and the neighborhood made sure they knew it. Two little girls, one African American the other Caucasian, became best friends. Children have a way of doing that - not getting caught up in adult stupidity. Of course the opposite is also true, children learn what they observe. These two little girls became best friends. Then the little white girl goes missing. Everyone figured the black teenage kid did the crime - the little African American girl blamed herself for the disappearance of her best friend. It was 30 years later and the detectives start working the case. One of the bigots was a man who used his son as a punching bag. The son ended up being the one who shot the little white girl and dumping her body in the woods - but she wasn't dead. She was found. She had no memory of who she was or where she came from so she was placed in foster care. The police find her and reunite her with her family and with her best friend. I was crying so hard watching this woman reunited with her family and her best friend. This was the 70's. My growing up years. Living in Malone we didn't have any African Americans. What we knew of race came from television. We watched Mod Squad and All in The Family. The Cosby Show was the biggest introduction to African Americans we really had. My life being what it was, I always felt like an outsider looking in. I was the little girl the Murtaghs took in. And at a young age I knew I was different in another way, though at the time, I didn't know the words to describe this difference. When I went to college, the summer before my freshman year, I had three roommates. All three girls were black. I was in the EOP program which was 99% African American. I don't recall giving it a second thought, the fact that I was rooming with 3 African American girls - or that I was the minority among my group. It was a real gift, growing up in Malone - we didn't grow up being taught hatred - there was no need for it. So when I went to college I had no prejudices or preconceived notions about my new friends. Now, many of us growing up in Malone saw it as a one light town in the boondocks - which it was, however despite the "redneck" possibilities we could have been taught we weren't. People worked hard, they drank hard, and they went to church on Sunday. For me, well, like I said I always felt an outsider - trying to explain my family tree required several days. That in itself was a gift. Knowing what it felt like to be on the outside looking in provided me with humility. I was in no position to judge anyone because I was an odd ball myself. Hard to believe in the 70's there was still so much bigotry. Hard to believe so much hatred exists today. Often it we hear people say, "Kids can be mean." This is true, however, kids are also the most open and honest of us all. What makes us hate? Why would we, in this day and age still hold on to any generalized bigotry? It makes no sense. My friend Donald, he is African American, and he still faces prejudices because he is a black male. And I a white woman, I face the preconceived notions of many of the parents of my students - "A white lady coming into our neighborhood thinking she is better than us." I don't get that. Growing up in Malone we were not taught any such things. It baffles me, massive generalizations aimed at one group or another - that we even have a category of crime which begins with "hate" is so darned disgraceful. I am not naive, I know racism is alive and well. Sure, as a society we have made progress, but some people will never change. Just as the wars in the Middle East are based on ideas from three thousand years ago, some people refuse to change. If I say the "N" word, Y'all know what I mean. On the playground of my school the N word flies around - but it is not a negative word - it is a word kids call one another - like homie, I could not say the N word because I am not African American - I can't say I understand why African Americans use the N word . What if I said that on the playground of my school the biggest insult is to be called the "F" word? What comes to mind? Or that being called the "G" word is a cause for fighting? Do you know what those letters stand for - F is faggot G is gay - Faggot and Gay, I can type those words, but not the N word. What about the B word - beaner, an insult to Mexican Americans - These words are labels, insults, slights, which will often end in a fight. Yet, I don't hear the outrage of my peers - not all of them - we don't teach the pain these words can cause - Some believe we could eliminate the stigmas attached to any "label" if we just used the words more. This doesn't make any sense, by calling someone the "F" word I will lessen the impact of the word. No, that doesn't make any sense. Being gay, or being a faggot - this is really bad - Just as being black was once really bad. Though, in television, and pop culture - trying your lesbian side is chic. This is just silly. How do you try your lesbian side - I know the physical part but the rest, that makes no sense. Now I remember the rumors from childhood about some woman who people thought were lesbians - but I don't remember anyone really caring. "Oh so and so, she is a lesbian." That was it. Maybe I was naive.  I don't know. Maybe Mommie and Daddy Pat, or spending time in a Catholic School, maybe those things insulated me from what was really going on. I don't know. I just don't remember hearing that I should not like someone because of the color of their skin, their sexual orientation, their religious affiliation. I remember terms about families living on the other side of the tracks. That was economic. Many a times I have said, we don't live in a black and white world with live in a green world - green being money - your position in life comes from the money in your bank account. There are greater obstacles for people coming from low socio-economic situations; Malone had plenty of poor. That might be the reason there wasn't a lot of prejudice aimed at other groups - when you are poor you have less time worrying about what others are doing. Yes, some poor makes you mad and this leads to bad choices and this leads to bad circumstances - that was true 30 years ago and it is true today. Being poor can make you lie down and quit, it can give you an excuse for failing, or it can be a reason to work hard and get above being poor. You can get out of being poor. You can't stop being gay, or stop being black, or stop from believing in God - but you can stop from being poor. There were times, growing up, when we lived well, and there were times when we were down on our luck. For me though, I was the little girl the Murtaghs took in - I was always poor - So what makes one person rise above their circumstances and another repeat the cycle of desperation? If I knew that I would be a rich woman, not just because I would have a lot of money, but because I would have an insight into the human condition which allowed me to understand that which doesn't make any sense. I don't get hatred. I don't get disliking a whole group of anything because of the actions of a few. I don't get any of that. It is not because I live in a bubble or see the world through rose colored glasses - I see hatred everyday - in my life I have been judged because of the color of my skin and because of my sexual orientation. It was what it was, mostly I feel sorry for people encumbered with all that hatred. I know hatred can kill you - no, it will kill you. Slowly, hatred will eat away at your insides until you are an empty vessel unable to find any joy in life. Life is so beautiful, it is such a gift - people - people are wondrous, magnificent, fun - giving up all the joy of life to hang onto hate - people like that need our sympathy, and yes, a good kick in the pants. Individuals who kill in the name of God, they are missing the point aren't they? Would God ask me to kill for him? Thou shall not kill. That is short and sweet - so if the commandment says killing is something I should not do then I'll go with that. We need an eleventh amendment - thou shall not hate. The power within each of us to bring forth beauty and love - this power cannot be stopped - we can make this world better. Each of us has the ability to set an example - be the change you want to see - This is just so true. We have come a long way, yet we have so much farther to go. And we cannot sit silently when we hear others express bigotry or hatred - being a silent witness is giving consent for the hatred. Speaking up, we have to speak up - and sometimes that is really hard, but as the country song says; "You've got to stand for something or you'll fall for anything."