WHY?

     Ever count the number of times "WHY" comes out of your mouth or runs through your head? Toddlers ask "Why" all the time. Sometimes it is cute; "Why is the sky blue?" Sometimes it is utterly frustrating; "Why do I have to eat my peas?" And still there are times when a child's question of "why" opens our eyes to how absolutely amazing our universe is.
    Adolescents who ask "why" might bring frustration: "Why can't I go to the party?" "Why do I have to take out the trash?" Man, adolescents have many "why" questions. We adults have no answers.
      In days of late, I have witnessed many dear friends having to endure such hardship and trials.  One day when Zuko and I were walking I was screaming to God; "WHY?" God did not respond.  He doesn't when I scream. 
     In the course of this day reckon I asked "why" a couple dozen times. For all my asking - I have no answers. Remember that Dianetics dude who wrote a book about why bad things happen to good people - just a by the way - there are several cities here in LA now complete Dianetics campuses.  They are everywhere.
     He did not know "why" bad things happen to good people anymore than you or I.  He, like so many others, found words which offered an out.  Here is a map, a guide, a program, which if you follow nothing bad will ever happen to you.  We all know this is BS. Life happens!  And life sometimes just really is unfair.  We don't get the answers.  If you are lucky, you have belief in a higher power. 
     I remember Daddy Pat insisting we go to church.  Oh, how I complained.  I asked "Why."  How many times since being a child I have given thanks to Daddy Pat for taking me to church.  My faith, belief in a higher power, belief in heaven - each ritual of Catholicism - how they have comforted me.  How this faith blanketed me, kept me warm - safe; during so many cold dark days.
     Heck I don't know "why."  Right now I have several dear friends who are experiencing hardship and struggles.  It seems so arbitrary and unfair - I ask and ask and ask; "WHY?" There are no answers. There is no reason bad things happen to good people.  I do not believe in a vengeful God who would send unthinkable suffering to wonderful people. 
     What does that leave us with?  Without any concrete answers our questions are similar to dried dandelions we pick, blow upon, and make wishes.  Candles on a birthday cake all blown out, wish kept secret so it may come true.  We move forward as best we can.  Often filled with frustration because we cannot do anything to change what is happening.  Anger because what is happening appears so unfair and we want it to stop.
     There does come a moment - a moment I have referred to as finding your "stillness."  It is fleeting. It is hard to grasp. Hard to find.  Getting to "stillness" requires us to reach out, look within, find a point of focus - "Stillness" comes to us only through hope, faith, and love.  Man we have difficulty in getting there.  If we can though - if we can just have one minute of "stillness."  One moment when an out of control world stops spinning; then we garner enough strength to make it through another day. 
     Nope, we can ask "why" but we won't know any answers.  I don't have any answers - man I wish I did.  In lieu of something profound I offer only my soul's words; "Fear Not for you are never alone.  This mountain will lead you to a vista so profoundly beautiful it will take your breath away.  Tomorrow will arrive.  It might suck worse than today.  Possible it could be just a bit better. Do not be afraid of your anger.  Giving voice to your anger is often a good thing.  If you don't move, this too is just fine.  Your holding pattern may only be time for your road ahead to be paved so you can travel it more easily.  Don't give in and don't give up.  Within each of us is a spirit of strength so deep.  And I, I write my simple words.  Share my simple thoughts.  I am with you.  I am with you.  I am with you."
     Tears will fall.  Hearts will break.  Laughter will ring out.  Love will prevail.  If only by a thin thread, hang on to HOPE! If you are reading this know you are loved.  With love anything is possible.  Carry this with you.  Carry my heart.  Lean on my shoulder.  Hold my hand. 
     My brother, Scotty, so often referred to me as a silly writer of words.  He was about doing.  Building, seeing a finished product.  Accomplishments measured your achievements.  I on the other hand believed dreams could be achieved.  I believe love really has power.  Laughter is the best medicine.  I believe in each individual's power to hang on just long enough until the cavalry arrives.  I believe my silly words do have a purpose.  I believe my simple thoughts can offer something.  I believe one day, when Scotty and I hook up again - he will be building and I will be writing.  How cool is that?