Night 5

So this is night 5 of minimal sleep. One or two hours a night - not sure what is preventing me from sleeping. A lot of it is pain - I fall asleep then pain wakes me, what a lousy alarm clock. I have been able to catch up on some Netflix movies. We do the best we can...it isn't always enough, it is what it is. Each of us moving our pile of rocks from one side of the road to the other. Some folks accomplish this task every day while others are only able to move one or two rocks...either way is fine. As long as you try, as long as you do the best you can-that is all you can do. Love is a fickle partner. Without love we are lost. With love we are both filled up and emptied out...we do not know which lot is ours so we keep on moving. Movement is life (from that movie with George Clooney) Keep moving and you are still in the game. Do not mistake activity for achievement - some people put their life in neutral then give it a lot of gas, only spinning their tires - no movement, a lot of noise and activity - no achievement. At the end of the day I ask myself; "Lisa did you do your best today?" Some days the answer is yes. Some days the answer is no. Either way that day is emptied out so I throw it away and start moving those rocks. In the end, when the meter of our life has run out of time and we've no more quarters what is it we want to be remembered for? I imagine famous people have a difficult time deciding if they want  fame to be their legacy or their life to speak for itself. Either way, our scars become visible - whatever we attempted to hide when we had sight, we get to see all of it. Reckon everyone who knows us sees those scars. This is why I see no need to play "make believe." I am who I am, scars and all. My hands calloused from my daily rock moving. My soul grateful I had the day. My heart humbled because at least once a day, someone has given me laughter, love, faith, hope-either way the meter for that day has expired...moving on. The Serenity Prayer, where does that come from; "the courage to change the things I can." That is the tough part. Finding the courage to make change in our life (without the change we have no coins for the next days meter." That is funny. As Frankie said; "Regrets, I've had a few." Yup, we all have a few. Regrets are not failures. This is a tough distinction! Probably the majority of us are tough critics. It is not regrets which add rocks to our daily pile-it is when we have not tried our best. How many cliches are there about it isn't the times we fall that count, it is the times we get up. Sometimes such simplistic ideology makes me want to puke. Ah the cynic in me...of course there are more days when holding on to simplistic ideology is a gift. KISS-keep it simple stupid. Another good idea often lost somewhere between the white lines. Are there easy days? I don't know. Rock moving is hard work. Simple days, days when we have only to focus on the rocks. Life is difficult, that is not a bad thing - it is what it is, why do we fight so hard. We want the simple days, not because we are weak or lazy. Simple is good. It is better not to perseverate on the rocks we didn't move. It is better to keep our focus on the rocks we did move and marvel at our strength! It would be cool if we could get a mulligan, we can't. We get the day and the rocks - maybe we do nothing with any of it. Perhaps we leave our pile, go work with someone else. There is no correct answer. Just keep some change in your pocket so you can feed the meter-maybe even feed someone else's meter. If you come across the instruction manual could you post it online or mail a jazillion of them to the jazillion people on this planet. Would we then hit the mark with every arrow we shot...I don't think so. Who reads instruction manuals anyway? We look at the picture on box and have at it. More fun that way - ultimately, there is one screw, washer, hook, thing a majig left over. I figure the manufacturer was being kind and put an extra in the box. You should see the coffee cans I have with all those "extra" pieces. I can't throw them away, one never knows when a screw will disappear (insert your "screw loose" joke here) Well the light of day is upon me, best get to moving my rocks or maybe i will just rest my eyes for a few minutes - Peace Out!