The Hokie Pokie...

     Y'all have done the Hokie Pokie right? If you have been to a bridal shower, a baby shower, Friday night rollerskating - "You put your right foot in, you take your right foot out, you put your right foot in and you shake it all about. You do the Hokie Pokie, turn yourself and shout - that's what it's all about."
     Much fun when trying to remain upright on roller skates. Not so much fun when its your life and you are not putting in the body parts.
     I went to the Dr's. every Monday. Every Monday I saw a different 20 something PA. I said the same things. I rolled up my pant leg. (I was wearing running pants every day now. Jeans hurt, socks hurt) The PA didn't touch my leg. He/she made notes. "See you next week."
     I worked. I used crutches. I used a cane. I drove. I tried to play softball. I kept doing what I was suppose to do. Week after week. It was the same. The pain increased. Other body parts started to ache. My arms and shoulders from crutches. My left leg ached from bearing so much weight. My back and neck ached, burned, sharp skewers of hot fire shot up and down my back and leg.
     A coping skill learned long ago took over. Separating my mind from my body. Using mental focus to block out everything physical. It is a tool I have used before. Now I turned to it. It is effective. Big drawback - memory loss. I just go into auto-pilot. Stick with the routine. I remember very little.
     Finally week 7 and 8 I saw the same PA. She was a young woman. I repeated the same story. Week 8 was the first time she actually took off my shoe. It was the first time someone touched my foot, my ankle, my leg. She looked at me and said; "I think we should get a referral for an orthopedic surgeon." I agreed.
     December 8th, 3 months after I sustained the injury I went to an appointment with Dr. Bloze. A tall woman with long, curly blond hair, when she walked in a room she had a demanding presence. She took off my shoes. I rolled up my pant legs. She said; "You should have come to me 8 weeks ago."
     Using a pen she pointed to the interior of my right foot. "This is atrophy. It is visible atrophy. It will spread up your leg." On the white table paper she wrote; acute tarsal tunnel syndrome. "You can Google it." OK, I guess - "What does that mean?" "Your foot muscles are dying. You need surgery like yesterday." I thought that odd, her saying - "like yesterday." She asked me if I was working. I said yes. She said you have to stop. Something about having to stay off my leg, elevation 24 hours, atrophy spreading - this is when the Hokie Pokie started. Put your right foot in...I can't shake it.
     It was also on this day when I started to crack. It was like when you are a little kid and you don't feel good. You ask to see the nurse. She takes your temperature. Calls your mom. When Mommie walks in the nurses office you bust out in tears. You feel so sick and Mommie is here and you just lose it.
     I had an EMG done. I thought it a bad sign when the nurse told me to remove my top and put on a paper shirt. It is my leg you know, and she is prepping my arm. Oh, yes. Put your shirt back on and remove your pants, put on a paper gown. The Dr. came in and started working. She didn't say much - except when her daughter called to ask permission to go over to a friend's house. She attached the electrodes, turned the dials - my leg jumped, my foot jumped, my back spasmed. She made marks on the white cash register receipt paper.
     I returned to Dr. Bloze's for results. As the Dr. sat there looking at the results for the first time she became angry. The wrong tests had been done. After a flurry of back and forth between her and her assistant the Dr. was on the phone with WC asking for immediate authorization. She could complete the test in her office - today, right now. She told me  I should get an attorney.
     I waited for several hours while she cleared her scheduled patients. Then she did the tests. More shocks, more spasms - the Hokie Pokie - she spoke about numbers. 5 means complete loss of nerve function I was 4.8.
     I didn't know what it meant. It is true you should have someone with you when you go to the Drs. It is difficult to comprehend, to hear, to process, to remember. I needed immediate surgery and I had to stop working. It was the last week of school before Christmas break. I wanted to finish the week. I agreed to use crutches and keep my leg elevated as much as possible.
     When I returned to work I asked the union rep about an attorney.
     The Holiday Show was a hit. My children did a wonderful job. We had a wonderful party. When it was over I sat at my desk and cried. Another crack. I was exhausted!
     More lost time. Liz, Emily and I went to the attorney. I had to have pre-op stuff done but WC didn't arrange for that I had to do it myself. Dr. Solsky to the rescue. How many times that was the case. I had to do a rapid taper of preds. More phone calls, flurries - but your left foot in.
     I did not return to work in January. Surgery was scheduled for the16th. Aldona was coming out to help me get around post op. I wasn't suppose to bear any pressure for 6 -8 weeks. I am a quick healer. Despite SLE that is a consistent. I heal pretty fast. Everything went well. I was having El Pollo Loco a few hours post surgery.
     Settling into recovery. In a week see the DR. Aldona took me. I needed Liz, yet I didn't ask her. She had taken off a lot of work already. She drove me back and forth. I felt a burden. How stupid I was. She was my partner. She wanted to "take care" of me. Instead of embracing that love I turned it away. Another crack - 1/2 million and 29 pieces of glass.
     The next several months become a blur of Drs., pain, my leg was not better. My foot yes, my leg no. My back no. Drs. lawyers, paychecks, forms I didn't fill out, forms that had not been filled out - mistakes here, mistakes there - fingers pointing - "You put your right arm in." Cracking and cracking - with each phone call, with each form, with each Dr. appt. I just cracked and cracked. When the announcer said; "Put your right arm in." I just followed. Control was lost. I did not know what anything was anymore. Everyone was scrambling, helping - I was cracking and falling. The beginnings of depression. I did not recognize it. Did not know it. Could not lift a finger unless the announcer said; "Put your left arm in." I complied.
     1/2 million and 37 pieces of glass. I still didn't know our insides were made of glass.