There are words, once they leave our mouths, we really wish we could take back. Other times, we said what we meant, though our intention was not to hurt. And yes, sometimes we say some nasty stuff and we mean every single syllable.
Ever feel amazed at the end of a rough day, you have any tongue left at all, because you have had to bite it so many times.
I am not one for political correctness. I do not believe in saying whatever pops into my head. There is a place in between.
So I ask myself; "Lisa, is saying this going to be of any help?' "Will it make anything better?" "Will my thoughts really matter?"
I go back to the adage - if you don't have something nice to say then just don't say anything. And still, with all my filters and rules of speaking I manage to say things which are taken in a manner of which I did not intend. That doesn't really matter though - what we intended doesn't matter, if the end result hurts someone.
Sometimes it feels there are so many filters my thoughts have to go through before I can allow words out of my mouth it is just easier to say nothing. However, sometimes we say the most when we say nothing at all.
Being of a behavioral background, I people watch. I watch mannerisms, tells, hair twirling, eye averting, lip licking, clenched fists, knee bobbing, foot tapping - and so on and so on - Thus, I am adept at reading a person's behavior and gaining insight into their thoughts.
For example, often times I laugh or make a joke at the wrong time - it is my defusing mechanism. However, if you don't know me you are likely to find this behavior annoying. Heck even if you do know me I probably annoy you anyway.
What was it Shakespeare said; "I think thee doth protest too much." Something like that anyway. This adamant protesting in and of itself causes me to wonder - and me wandering aimlessly in my own head wondering - well we all know not too much good can come of that.
These past few days I have contemplated words unspoken, trying to determine what is being said by not saying anything or by protesting too much. I end up right here...uncertain of message I should be getting. Then off inside my head I imagine every scenario, shake my head 'cause it doesn't make sense - then I write.
I write hoping if I put words down on paper, they will come alive and speak to me. These written words will gain me insight. Though I do wish people would say what they mean. Not be mean, just speak your truth. If your truth is just mean then keep it to yourself. How are we to solve anything if we can't have a fair and honest discourse. Exchange ideas without being mean. It is possible. I believe it possible.
Respect goes a long way. Common courtesy even farther. When you cannot display these two social skills, well, problems will arise. That is all I am asking for. Common courtesy and respect. Respect that was not given to me, respect that I earned. Common courtesies that were not applied to me, until I turned the other cheek so many times, folks just stopped slapping and began to give me the smallest amount of courtesy. That was cool.
It seems to me it takes more energy to display rude behavior than it takes to display courteous behavior. While speaking is just the opposite - cussing someone out is a lot easier than running it through a complete filtration system.
When people we love, people who claim to love us, display behavior contrary to their words - this is a big red flag. You know like someone shaking their head no while they are saying; "Oh yes I love you, I respect you. I am thankful for your presence in my life." Their words say one thing but that whole shaking your head from left to right instead of up and down - it is a bad tell if you play poker. I believe it a bad tell if you are trying to wriggle out of responsibility.
Heck I don't know. Reckon I am better off hidden from everyone. That way I don't cause any problems. Even when problems arise that have nothing to do with me, somehow I become the "goat." I am tired of that. I am tired of trying to fix everything, of taking the high road, turning the other cheek - Once told to me by the APEIS at Weemes; "Most people mistake kindness for weakness. Don't waste your time trying to be kind." Dang, that is sad. As a society are we really so self-absorbed, so narcissistic, so greedy, so mean?
Sad state of affairs if this is true. I am holding out hope. Reckon I will go out believing in goodness of others. However, I am nobody's doormat - so don't attempt to tread on me. That mess is just not going to fly; not anymore.
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