Judgement vs. Observation

When we see someone stealing we might say; "That person is wrong for stealing." Is this a judgement or an observation. Stealing is wrong - it is against the law. When someone shoplifts we all pay for it because the store raises prices to cover the loss. We don't know why the person is stealing. A mother stealing food for her hungry children - well, we would be hard pressed to judge this woman. We would be wrong to judge her for her actions. In a country where so many have so much, we should be ashamed, that any mother has to steal to feed her children. If a woman steals a bottle of Seagram's and a carton of cigarettes - again, our observation would be that the woman is wrong. In this case we are more likely to judge this woman as a criminal. Is that wrong? Is it wrong to judge a man who harms his child? Well, I reckon it is. It is wrong to judge anyone - not really our place to judge anyone. Without "walking a mile in their shoes" we don't know why anyone does anything - So, does a person's motivation for their behavior alter our observations or judgements - When we see someone engage in a certain behavior, let's say, helping an elderly woman put her groceries in her car - We may judge this as an act of kindness - we may judge this person as being a good person - we may be wrong - I believe Ted Bundy was often observed engaging in acts of kindness - he did not turn out to be a model citizen. So our observation of behavior is accurate, Our judgement of the person is inaccurate. This is why we would be better served to not "judge" people or their actions. We can observe and record behavior - what we don't know is the motivation for that behavior. All behavior is a form of communication, so we may try to determine what a person is trying to communicate - beyond that we serve no purpose in judging other people. So why are we so quick to judge? Why are we so quick to condemn someone or quick to raise a statue in their honor. No one is always anything. Some days we do pretty good. Some days we struggle, and some days we fall flat on our face. In any instance I think most people do the best they can. I am oft to say we are all pushing the same pile of rocks from one side of the road to the other. If we remember that we might be less likely to judge other people. If we remember, that each of us carries baggage, some carry cinder blocks, and others carry quarry rocks - but we all carry something. Why can't we just cut one another a break. If we take a moment to pause - just to reflect - how would I want to be treated, then treat other people accordingly; wouldn't the world be a better place? If we spend less time judging others and more time improving ourselves we could start a revolution. No one can truly know what is in another person's heart - we can observe their behavior - we can attempt to discern the communication this behavior is serving - what is in a person's heart, we just don't know - this is the reason we should not judge. A person's behavior which cause us pain is going to get a response - that does not mean we are judging their behavior, we are simply responding to their behavior. A police officer clocks us going 99 miles per hour, he records this behavior, stops and tickets us. He does not care why we are speeding - he is only observing our behavior and reacting to that behavior. Does he judge us as a criminal? Who knows, who cares? We were speeding and we were caught - done deal. Our purpose for speeding is irrelevant - we broke the law, got caught, and we must deal with the consequences - done deal. So judgement and observation - are they the same; I would say no. I would say that it is not our place to judge. However, observing behavior is a life response. Responding to the behavior of others is a life response. Not my place to judge anyone because I am not without fault - try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt - My mother said my greatest strength and my greatest weakness were one in the same - I have too much faith in the goodness of others - Well, I reckon, I'll have to live with this. For sure it has brought me pain. For sure it has brought me joy. I'd rather believe in the goodness of others than to spend my time bitter, judgemental and envious of others. I'd rather believe people are good, even when they choose bad behavior, and I would rather turn the other cheek than to slap back. At times my behavior is observed/judged to make me a chump - or some may think; "Dang, Lisa just let's people walk all over her." That is not the case. You can only be used if you allow yourself to be - I just see no purpose in getting my feathers all fluffed up in reaction to the behavior of others - Better I just take care of what I can control - my thoughts and my deeds - better off I try to give others the benefit of the doubt - not to assume anything one way or the other - better to forgive and be at peace than to let anger eat away my soul. So the question of judgement or observation - while I am a behaviorist, by training I observe behavior - I record behavior - without doubt I will also tell you I don't judge behavior. Though one's actions may bring me to conclusion or force me to make decisions - I figure everyone does what they can to survive - you know - to push their pile of rocks - and we are all looking for our place of peace, and sometimes in that pursuit our behaviors may hurt people we love - doesn't mean we don't love them - it's just the way life works - If you are going to extend your heart, sometimes it will get broken. If you hold on to the pain rather than bring forth forgiveness and understanding, then, in fact you are hurting yourself. We should spend no time judging, more time forgiving, less time believing we know it all - and more time offering an open heart and hand. We can observe the behaviors of others, and I suppose it is human nature to try and figure out "why" beyond that, we really have to let it go - carrying around those rocks, well, just carry your own rocks - that's enough of a load - why carry someone Else's rocks - No, forgiveness is a faster path towards peace - we have to start with forgiving ourselves - then we can take the next step - just one step at a time - I know it is a cliche, but you know, such observations are made for a reason - they are true - a pattern of behavior occurring over an extended period of time - eventually becomes a habit - let's get in the habit of forgiveness, for giving the benefit of the doubt, let's get in the habit of observing behavior without judging, maybe we could just try it for a while and see where it gets us - Oh, and yeah, let's just take it one step at a time -