The Box

I am not referring to the popular catch phrase; "Think outside the box." I am referring to individuals who live inside a box. A box made from familial, societal, and cultural expectations. Do you know what I mean? Denying their true selves an opportunity to live their true life because they don't want to disappoint people. When a distant city calls them, they do not answer that call. They are expected to remain at home. When their honest feelings of love are a cultural taboo - they deny themselves the person who would bring them the most joy. Cultural expectations are for marriage and children - they oblige. Young boys and girls who join gangs because they are impoverished - because of societal expectations - they deny themselves the opportunities so many have fought for...inside the box they go. Even as time passes, as the individual becomes more self aware they remain in the box. When you ask them how they are? They reply; "Great, happy, fulfilled." Yet when you look in their eyes you can see a glimmer of regret. Sometimes as you get to know such a person you hear the hallow of their happy proclamations. I don't know it makes me feel sad. For I long lived in such a box. When I meet people who I see are living in a box, as I get to know them - I just want to tear away that cardboard. I want to set them free. Doing such a thing is not possible. We can only escape the box of our own volition. It is not always what a person wants. There is a safety and comfort inside the box. Staying there insures what their days and nights will look like. That can be comforting. Having rules set in place makes life easier - follow the rules - you don't have to think or decide you just follow the rules. I considered joining the military for just that reason. My days and nights would be dictated. I would not have to think or decide. I only needed to follow orders, live by the code. The simplicity of it appealed to me. My mirror image - his name was Ted - He joined the military. It was his way of escaping the familial box without shame. He could live within the rules set forth before him. In his box he was safe. He needed that. He was stationed in Plattsburgh, NY. I was attending college there. How wonderful it was to see my mirror image. Ted wanted to get married. A man married in the military had more benefits. It would be good for me also as I would not have to pay for housing while attending college. Being married allowed us a bigger box in which we could live. Oh how my friends protested! "He only wants to marry you for the money." I knew exactly why Ted wanted to marry me - he was my mirror image - without words we had spoken to one another for our years of HS and now as adults. He didn't need to tell me his true reason for wanting to get married. I knew. Life is funny though isn't it - that darn change up comes along and you miss. I was late getting home the day we were going to pick out rings. Ted took my tardiness as a gesture of denial. He removed my HS ring, threw it across the street, and left. (This reported to me by one of my 5 roommates in the apartment I was living in) Ted went AWOL from the Air Force. MP's questioned me. They followed me. His mother called and accused me of awful things. His Uncle, with whom I had been friends with for years, even before I knew Ted he called me. I did not know where Ted was. I wished I did. I was late because I had passed out during the finals of my PE class. Taken to the infirmary caused my tardiness. Ted never knew that. Through the grapevine I heard Ted had moved to Florida - He had busted out of his box and was living his life on the edge of a high cliff. I was in CA by then, slowly cutting away the cardboard, piece by piece. I never saw Ted again. News of his death shook me to the core. How sad he died without knowing the reason I was late that spring day. Thinking of him, believing I had betrayed him - Now in heaven I believe he has seen the truth of those days. He is free! There are no boxes in heaven. Though I will always wish I had the opportunity to look him in the eye and explain the truth - you don't betray your mirror image, ever. Oh, I have sidelined haven't I. Well not really. Two people who accepted their boxes eventually walked freely and openly and happily - even if they were not walking together. Reckon this is why I want to cut away the cardboard I see around people. Life is so short. There are only so many minutes in which you live - so live fully! There are only so many minutes in which you will find your mirror image, so embrace that person. Your soul mate, might pass you by, and you can't stop them because of your box - Your "person" will love you in or out of the box - for you they will provide a box cutter - you decide whether or not to use it. Imagine a world, maybe it is what Martin Luther King was speaking of when he said; "I Have Seen the Promised Land." Maybe it was a land where there were no boxes, no labels, no marginalized citizens. Perhaps this is what we should be striving for - Individual freedom, individual rights, individual responsibilities - as we stand together hand in hand - upright and free - we know one another as human beings...accepting our hiccups and scars - embracing our individuality, our diversity. No boxes. I am not a visionary, nor anywhere near the person Mr. King was - that Promised Land he spoke of - I think I see it too...every time I see someone cut free from familial, societal, or cultural boxes - standing proud and free, dancing their own dance - Reckon that is just my vision of a promised land - No boxes, no labels, no minutes lost - only hope, only love.