Although this process - finding myself and my place of peace takes me on difficult roads, life is not all doom and gloom. My Bug A Boo reminded me of that.
Most importantly I know I am not alone. I know I am loved. I know how many wonderful people have helped me. I know God has a plan for me. I know I have done some "good" things. I know the future is filled with possibilities. I know there is hope!
Last weekend we went on a "Poker Run." Several hundred people on 4 wheelers ride around the back roads stopping at various stores, restaurants and bars. At each stop you get a paper signed or stamped. When you return to the Trailside you receive a playing card for every stamp you have. Then, whomever has the best poker hand wins. The air was cold but the sun was shining. I rode with Eileen. It was wonderful. Being outside, being with good people, enjoying the sunshine and nature. I truly enjoyed myself.
Easter Sunday we went to Mrs. Murphy's. She made a wonderful lasagna with salad, garlic bread, and several desert choices. The carrot cake was fantastic. This was a great day.
A few weeks ago Mr. Cring took me out to dinner. Mr. Cring is a wonderful man. Since we met, some 30 years ago he has been a "father figure" to me. He gave me a job as a popcorn hawker at the fair. At that time we made $.05 on each box of popcorn we sold. I was the only female hawker. That first year I made over $400.00. That is a lot of nickels. I worked my way up to Head Hawker! I am still the only female "head hawker" the Lions Club has had.
Mr. Cring also gave me a shot as a softball umpire. He allowed me to take the class for free. That summer I umpired men's softball games at the Rec Park and the Amvets. I think I was 14. Even though I was a little thing I did not have a problem with the men playing. I had a good strike zone and I was consistent. When I made a call, I did as Mr. Cring taught me - I was emphatic! If I made the wrong call I admitted it. I rode my bike from Constable to Malone. I would eat dinner at the Dairy Queen, umpire two or three games at $10.00 a game, then ride my bike home. It was a great summer.
This past Saturday Eileen and I went to a friend's house to craft. We learned how to make beautiful pine cone wreaths. I failed art in HS and I failed bulletin boards in college - my wreath isn't half bad. I am going to start another one today.
Zuko is doing great! He really enjoys the "country life." Chasing chipmunks is his favorite activity. He will scratch, dig, claw, bite at a tree attempting to get a chipper. I don't know what he would do if he ever actually caught one - We walk everyday on the golf course. Well I walk, Zuko runs. He runs and runs his tail wagging the entire time.
The weather warmed enough this weekend so I got my scooter going. When I ride around the yard Zuko runs along side of me. He loves it! I love to ride my little scooter. This week I am going to get a motorcycle permit. Hopefully, I can pass the test! Then I can take a class to obtain a motorcycle license. Another of the things on my bucket list. I don't want a motorcycle, perhaps a little bigger scooter.
Ever since I started riding a motorcycle, jeez back when I was 7 or 8 - riding has been a great source of enjoyment for me. I am not certain what it is; the freedom, the release, the thrill? When I ride I can just get lost in the moment. It feels so wonderful. I rode that little yellow Yamaha YZ 80 five or six hours a day. Mommie let me buy a Honda 125 when we lived in Constable. A bunch of kids had motorcycles. We rode all over those back roads evading the police. It was so much fun.
Sifting through the ashes and picking up the glass, yes these are difficult tasks. I don't spend every moment dwelling. Walking, crafting, hanging with friends and family - I have more wonderful moments than bad ones. Learning to manage pain in a responsible way - some days it is difficult, I am doing it. I am succeeding. These are baby steps, that is OK.
Cutting away the BS and living my truth, sharing my story - this journey these are good things. Sometimes good things hurt, they remain good none the less. I am still looking for an apartment. Amazing how difficult it is finding one that will accept pets. This is a rural area, everyone has pets. Something will come along. Many people are keeping and eye out so I know the right place is around the corner. When I do get settled, y'all have a standing invite to visit.
Summer may be short, but here, it is amazing. Everything is so beautiful. Sitting outside on a warm summer evening, camping, shooting the bull with friends - it doesn't get any better than that. I would love to share the experience with all of you.
So, while some days are difficult and painful - more days are wonderful! I have so much to be grateful for. I smile, laugh, giggle - I see with more clarity than I have in a long time. Not just my failures, I have done good things - I have lived a wonderful life. I will continue forward. My life is fulfilling. Still a work in progress I am excited - rather than dread the future, now I anticipate it!
I will take my niece Amy's advise; cut myself a little slack. No, I am not all doom and gloom. I am grateful, humbled, and close to happy - everyday, I am closer to myself. Closer to finding within me my place of peace - One day I will arrive there. It is a journey, a process - I will arrive! As long as we have hope all things are possible. My story has a happy ending - perhaps better said; My story has a happy beginning!
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