Deconstuction

     Seeing that I am a certified behavior analyst I can deconstruct behavior. Through task analysis any behavior can be deconstructed. Thus determining its trigger/antecedent, and consequences, either positive or negative. Every behavior has a purpose. Behavior which is intrinsically rewarding, these are tough to decrease. Often folks mistake social cues or nuances leading to misinterpretation of behavior. 
     In deconstructing behavior you eliminate emotion. Task analysis is a black and white process. Identifying triggers helps in decreasing unwanted behaviors. Also, if one knows their triggers they have a greater probability in reducing a behavior.
     Yes, I am going somewhere with this.
     Sunday I sat and watched the clouds roll by. The more you look at a cloud the more you can see. One cloud looked like a dog. Clouds broke apart then reattached to different clouds. So, sitting there, watching the clouds, a song fills the space. (The neighbors have an incredible outdoor sound system.) The song "triggered" a flood of emotions. Fighting tears I pondered reasons - What is the reason a random song triggered such an emotional response?
     Remember back in the mid to late 1990's, a Lilith fair revolution took place? Female singers were the rage. (another odd expression, "all the rage") I was at a period in my life when I was happy. Working through grief, a job I truly loved, seeing people I had not seen in a while. Life was excellent!
     The back-drop included the "Lilith Fair"
revolution.  Now, 10 - 15 years later, as I watched clouds meander by, a song(which I did not know the words) "triggered" anxiety and sadness. In this case the trigger was easily identifiable. The purpose of the behavior? None, there is no purpose for the behavior. Given that there was not purpose, the behavior(crying) is an easy fix.
     Hold on Nellie, not so fast. A song became a time machine. I stood alone. I cried. Okay, so the behavior had a negative consequence. I do not enjoy crying, messes up my mascara. Grief, yearning to get back what was lost. Seeking bolt cutters so I could remove the ball and chain. Sadness filled me. I didn't reach for medication. I started a new chore. Keeping busy helps in reducing "think time."
     I need one of those signs - slow down construction. Reckon we are all "under construction. Each of us seeking meaning, purpose, satisfaction. Our travelling road, sometimes bumpy, sometimes smooth has many a sharp curve. Maneuvering this road requires concentration and a hard hat.
     Still I am at a loss as to why.  Two days now I have examined the song, my reaction, and alternative ways of thinking. Alas, sadness is an emotion. We can't control how we feel. We can control how we behave!
     This process, deconstruction, it is going to take some time. Some of it joyous, some - not so much. It is necessary. To find myself I will break life into small measurable increments. Each increment I touch will become another tool for coping. Where it leads or how it ends are not within my scope of knowledge. Just KISS!
     Breathe and KISS, minimize, move forward - shucks, how did I get here? Where is the door? Stop the world I want to get off.