Not in One Night

     If you did not get broken in one night, you can't be fixed in one night. If you don't know what ails you, you can't rid yourself of it. It is a process. A long slow process. You believe there is an end - a happy ending. Right? There has to be...all of this must amount to something. What if it doesn't end? What if this merry go round doesn't stop? Will you forever remain riding a painted pony around and around and around? Gosh, I hope not!
     Faith - believing what you can't see. Riding on faith right now. Believing there is a purpose for all of this. Praying there is a happy ending waiting to be written.
     Look back, this rear view mirror distorts. Objects are closer than they appear. How long do you look back? Is there any point to looking back? You can't change the past. What is done is done. Move forward, gently. Put your foot on the gas pedal. Inch forward - inch by inch by inch. Keep the faith.
     If you could go back - like you can with a computer. Restore to a previous date, erase progress since then and now. If you could restore, what would be your marker? HS graduation? Completion of your bachelor's degree? When you got married? The birth of a child? What is your restore point? At what time in your life were the ducks lined up in a row? Do you know? Can you tell?
     "Fits and Starts," an odd little expression. I wonder its origin. Yes, life is a series of fits and starts. Does it ever end? Can you examine your past, pinpoint the exact moment when you found happiness? Or identify your place when it all came crashing down?
     In retrospect - too much looking back is bound to be a pain in the neck. Straining for a glimpse of the future might break your back. You have to remain right here. You have to stay in this moment. No tomorrows, no yesterdays - today is all that matters. Not exactly true. You learn from the past and you have to plan for the future. The future is tomorrow, that is all, just tomorrow.
     You can handle that, can't you? Tomorrow? Wake up, walk the dog, take a shower, eat something, walk the dog, go to the store, say hello, watch television, play Candy Crush Saga (highly addictive, don't start if you don't have time to finish. I saw on FB there are now rehab programs available for CCS addicts.) Walk the dog, eat, brush your teeth, watch TV, go to bed; Oh yes, and remember to breathe.
    Keep it simple stupid! (KISS) We do tend to be our own worst enemies. When we readily forgive others for their trespasses, we are want (is it want, or wont? I do not know but you get the idea) to forgive ourselves. Odd characteristic of being human - easier to forgive others than ourselves, kinder to strangers than family, rather give than receive. Why is that? Why are we so hesitant when accepting a gift? If we won the lottery we would have no trouble taking that loot. If someone gives us $500.00 we struggle with its implied weight. Oh, we are silly.
     Dancing in the dark. This is what life has become. Dancing in the dark. Your listen to music, seeking its rhythm and roll - tentatively we move, unable to see we "feel" our way through. Yes, dancing in the dark. If no one is watching are you dancing anyway? If no one marks your time do you keep a schedule? If no one asks of you, does this mean you are lost?
     A normative rule when implementing a behavior modification program is 1 decelerating consequence(DC), 15 accelerating consequence(AC.) If you apply this ratio to life you must find 15 positive thoughts, actions, feelings for every negative thought, action or feeling. If you drink one beer you must have 15 drinks of water. In your head, if you say "I suck," you must then find 15 positive things about yourself.
     The beginning of any behavior modification program is most difficult. Identifying antecedents, behavior, consequence can be tricky...especially when it comes to introspection. Yes, it is another fickly aspect of this human condition.
     (Meandering here) What is a alternative lifestyle? It is an odd concept no? Is there a normed lifestyle? Who sets the norm? We have established defining normal is suspect at best, thus how do we identify the "normal" life style vs. the "alternative" life style? Deep thoughts for sure! What if more people are "alternative" than the norm? Does the norm change? Who is keeping track?
     (Further meandering) "All things being equal" - What? No things are equal. Snowflakes and people, no two are exactly alike. $2.00 does not equal $200.00. Which would you rather have?
     Introspection, mega omniscience(is that a word? or is it meta cognition?" rear view mirrors and the like - do we ever "graduate?" When the end comes, will we recognize it? If we don't learn from the past are we really destined to repeat it? Life is circular to begin with. From birth, our circle is large. As we grow older our circle grows smaller and smaller until we are just a speck of sand.
     That is too great a concept. KISS! Breathe! Remain present! Moment by moment this is how you survive until you learn how to swim.